It miter been mine!
By now you've probably heard the news...I'm not the Pope. I hate to admit it. I was outmanuevered. My carefully laid machinations foiled by Cardinal Ratzinger. Excuse me, I mean Pope Been-a-dick XVI. He was supposed to have lobbied for me. I should have recognized his ambition. I should have realized that as soon as he entered the conclave he would turn on me. He got me in the end... like those Cardinals are prone to doing. He violated me like the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact!
He's not a step forward or a step backwards from John Paul. He's a step sideways. He doesn't have the youthful vigor that I have or that certain "je ne sais quoi"! The Popemobile should be mine. I should be the rock upon which His church is built! I should be infallible! I should be the one upholding anachronistic laws! People should be kissing my ring! Pontifex Maximus is my rightful title! I want the cool hats!!!
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