On Thursday, I did my first circle focusing in on one student. This circle was done the way that circles are supposed to be done. It was composed only of guys and was for the one student (IF) that I had written about before. Since one of the problems with circles that we had been having was that we mandated it, this circle was totally voluntary. I asked IF, his brother OG, and his friend SBP if he would participate in a circle and they all said yes though SBP had to drop out the day of because he wasn't feeling well. For the adults, I asked his JC, SDS from the afterschool program, and UL and MH from the afterschool tutoring program.
I started off talking about the purpose of the circle and reminding everyone that they have sat in circle before and to please respect the process. We opened with a rap from UL that set a positive tone and then we did the check-in. From the get go the vibe was really positive. That's the thing when circles are voluntary. People act right because they want to be there. From there we created a set of guidelines that we all wanted to follow. This all flowed very smoothly.
For my first question, I asked everyone why there were here for IF and what did they like about him. I recounted a story about watching him spit a piece and being impressed because he was the only one up there without notes and the poetry was about love and it was pretty deep. Then everyone told a story about him and when the talking piece got to him I had him say something that he liked about himself. Starting off with all these nice things, we then moved to the issues that we were concerned about. But what was great was that this didn't come from a finger-wagging place, but a place of genuine concern and the difference was obvious. His CTM JC started first and everyone in the circle got to say their concerns. When the talking piece got to him he told of some of his recent problems, but it was done very inarticulately and disjointed. A far cry from his spoken word pieces. It was really important to have his brother OG there, because he was able to express his concern for his brother which seemed that he had never directly done before. Guys aren't so great with the communication so that's understandable. OG was also able to tell his brother's business coming from a place of concern and not it be a snitching thing.
After we talked about the issues, we talked about the impact and how IF's recent behavior has affected everyone. This was also a place where we were able to express our concern for him but also let him know the effects that it has had on us. This was powerful, because one of the things with teenage boys and this kid in particular is that they have a hard time seeing how their actions affect others. They are so intently focused on themselves that there is a tunnel vision. It's almost a solipsistic thing.
From there we moved to taking responsibility. Everyone talked about what they felt their responsibilities were to IF and what they would do for him. This was an interesting things to do, because I've never really sat in a circle where we talked about the responsibility component. Reflecting, I see that this really adds to the community and inclusion part of the circle. That everyone takes responsibility for IF and for him to hear that was important. It allows us to build that web of relationships. It helps to break that teenage egocentrism.
Next I asked about what were the needs of the people in the circle. This was interesting, because then it made IF think about what he needed to do for the people around him. Once again, I don't think that he ever thought about this. He's had everyone controlling his life and telling him what to do. In some ways, he's been living in a reactionary mode, as most teenagers do. To hear what people needed from him in a non-forceful punishing way was a departure from most of his adult interactions. I think one of the things that makes restorative justice work is that it is totally different from most people's typical experiences. Plus the restorative version of justice immediately strikes a chord in people's lives that are used to the punitive version. The values of restorative justice are the values that we create in the circle.
After talking about the needs, we moved to solutions. I asked what was he going to specifically do to better this situation. He talked about the things that he needed to do (e.g. talk to people, not hold things in, work harder, get his hours off). What was incredibly amazing and powerful about this was that he had found his voice. He was talking in complete sentences and it made sense. He was no longer mumbling one word answers bouncing from thought to thought. It was also great to hear him say what he wanted to do to make things better instead of him just saying the "right" shit because he wanted to get people off his back. He words rang truer and hopefully they will be. Next we asked if this would be enough for the people in the circle. We all agreed that if IF did what he said he wanted to do that that would be enough.
Finally, I asked if anything was missing or there were any last words. And for the closing, I asked everyone to share how they were feeling at the end of the circle. That was the way that circles are supposed to be run and organized. It was a vastly different experience and all the participants agreed.
The next day I talked to the adult participants and they were all really happy to be a part of the circle and want to do more. JC texted me and said now that he's been through it, he understands the process better. This has got me juiced to do more circles and I've got others that want to participate.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The Rebirth of Circle
Since my last post, we've had two staff circles. One on Friday the 22nd and one on the 25th. Since then, I've learned to not schedule circles on Fridays. People are just done with the week and want to get out. Sitting mindfully in circles requires discipline and dedication. The meeting on the Friday was good because there were returning faces, (LS, CFG, and me) and then there were two different people (BS and SDS). NL and JC just had to cut out. I understood. SDS has never sat in a circle before and so it was good to bring him in and have him get acquainted with the process. The circle was really positive and we seemed to make a commitment to have more circles among the staff and also that we needed to have a rebirth of circles. We needed to make the process more organic and less forced....we needed to get staff into circles.
I can tell my Native American coworker, BY, is totally checked out of circles. An interesting problem has occurred. Backstory: BY was saying that the Native kids at our school were offended by the circles and that they didn't want to do them. Circles were sacred to their religion and students' misbehavior and disrespect within the circles were disrespectful to them. BY was obviously also not into them at all. He and some students spoke with other leaders in the local Native community and they came by the school to sit in the circle. CFG is new to the school and was running the circle and found that everyone just shut down. She felt like she got backdoored and the circle police was brought in on her. Then after a staff meeting some of us were sitting around and discussing the state of circles and we decided to scrap the Thursday circles that we had been doing with the kids. The problem was that CFG wasn't there and no one told her about it until Thursday. She had planned to do things with the students and felt backdoored again.
Anyways, after all this had happened is when we started to do staff circles again. I should note that CFG is our new restorative justice site coordinator, so it was kind of fucked up the situations that she has been placed in.
The circle that we had this last Monday was larger and so that was positive. I was able to bring in the 2 tutors and their site coordinator from the afterschool program and AV showed up. This one was again attended by LS, BS, SDS, CFG, NL, JC, and I. The more people that we can get involved in the circles program the better. I want to bring one of the Black male tutors, UL, into the community and culture of the school and he seems open to it. He has developed a rapport with a number of the Black kids and they need a positive role model like he is. He is also interested in sitting in circle with JC and me when we have one with the young black kid, IF, I spoke of before.
So now circles are going to be more organic. My goal is to get the teachers to start leading them. I had left the Monday circle early to go to another meeting and asked AV what he had thought of the remainder of the circle. He said he started getting antsy around when I left and I gathered from what he was saying that he thinks CFG talks too much. CFG does have a tendency to speak at length, so I told AV that he should lead the next circle. He said he didn't want to step on any toes and I said I would talk to CFG. She was down for it so AV is going to lead the next one. That AV is willingly going to step up and lead a circle is great news. He can be real pessimistic and cynical sometimes so to have him wanting to lead a circle is good news. It's funny, we got trained in circles about a year ago but it took us until now for the staff to actually start having staff circles. I think that right there was the essence of why it didn't work. Part of what makes circles effective is that it gives self empowerment to the participants. We as a staff gave our power away to "site coordinators" and left things in their hands. Not that the site coordinators weren't or aren't good people. It just that we had to take responsibility for our community and not just expect some outside power to fix things for us. It doesn't work that way where I work. We have to make things happen ourselves. The site coordinators must help us find our own power.
I can tell my Native American coworker, BY, is totally checked out of circles. An interesting problem has occurred. Backstory: BY was saying that the Native kids at our school were offended by the circles and that they didn't want to do them. Circles were sacred to their religion and students' misbehavior and disrespect within the circles were disrespectful to them. BY was obviously also not into them at all. He and some students spoke with other leaders in the local Native community and they came by the school to sit in the circle. CFG is new to the school and was running the circle and found that everyone just shut down. She felt like she got backdoored and the circle police was brought in on her. Then after a staff meeting some of us were sitting around and discussing the state of circles and we decided to scrap the Thursday circles that we had been doing with the kids. The problem was that CFG wasn't there and no one told her about it until Thursday. She had planned to do things with the students and felt backdoored again.
Anyways, after all this had happened is when we started to do staff circles again. I should note that CFG is our new restorative justice site coordinator, so it was kind of fucked up the situations that she has been placed in.
The circle that we had this last Monday was larger and so that was positive. I was able to bring in the 2 tutors and their site coordinator from the afterschool program and AV showed up. This one was again attended by LS, BS, SDS, CFG, NL, JC, and I. The more people that we can get involved in the circles program the better. I want to bring one of the Black male tutors, UL, into the community and culture of the school and he seems open to it. He has developed a rapport with a number of the Black kids and they need a positive role model like he is. He is also interested in sitting in circle with JC and me when we have one with the young black kid, IF, I spoke of before.
So now circles are going to be more organic. My goal is to get the teachers to start leading them. I had left the Monday circle early to go to another meeting and asked AV what he had thought of the remainder of the circle. He said he started getting antsy around when I left and I gathered from what he was saying that he thinks CFG talks too much. CFG does have a tendency to speak at length, so I told AV that he should lead the next circle. He said he didn't want to step on any toes and I said I would talk to CFG. She was down for it so AV is going to lead the next one. That AV is willingly going to step up and lead a circle is great news. He can be real pessimistic and cynical sometimes so to have him wanting to lead a circle is good news. It's funny, we got trained in circles about a year ago but it took us until now for the staff to actually start having staff circles. I think that right there was the essence of why it didn't work. Part of what makes circles effective is that it gives self empowerment to the participants. We as a staff gave our power away to "site coordinators" and left things in their hands. Not that the site coordinators weren't or aren't good people. It just that we had to take responsibility for our community and not just expect some outside power to fix things for us. It doesn't work that way where I work. We have to make things happen ourselves. The site coordinators must help us find our own power.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Growing pains
We've been having some problems with our restorative justice program. The circles have become a chore and students are not liking them. I think perhaps that we have been too ambition with the process and that it hasn't been an organic growth. We have foisted restorative justice circles upon students and told them to go be restorative while we ourselves have not embraced the process as a staff. We are telling students to go and do something that we ourselves do not do. Of course it won't work if that's the case. We had a circle among a few staff today after school and that was the first time that I have sat in circle with the staff pretty much since we got our training. I think there was one time that we tried to do that in the staff meeting but that was it. It was refreshing to be in a circle with people that wanted to be there. I think that we need to change ourselves before we can ask students to change. We need to be the leaders that we want them to be. We have to model the behavior that we would like to see from them. I think that a problem with many of the students is that they either have few models of good behavior or a many models of bad behavior. We would like for them to sit calmly, but they are not used to calm.
It was really important for the participating staff to have a forum where they could vent their feelings and concerns and feel heard. We get so busy and caught up in our work that we don't take the time to check in and see how the others are doing. We don't get time to just be with ourselves sometimes. There was a lot of crazy shit that went down yesterday and I found myself scrambling to deal with that and then I worked myself up into a lather.
I would like to see circles no longer be a forced dynamic and instead that we as teachers sit in circles together, but also to just take small groups of kids and work with them in a circle together. The circles were meant to be something that was voluntary and by making them nonvoluntary they lose the essence of what they bring to the table.
We have this one young Black kid that I think in particular would benefit from circles. He just recently had a staff meeting, hasn't been following through with what he said that he was going to do, brought out a knife in the school and started carving up the table, and doesn't seem to get the ramifications of what he has done. His dad isn't a part of his life as much as he should be and the kid gets high way too much. Throw a possible learning disability on top of that and it's a recipe for disaster. To be able to pull this kid aside and talk together with him I think would be the perfect way of implementing circles. It would be smaller and more intimate to just have him and a few of the teachers and his friends to run the circle. That is the space that I think that we could get some good work done.
It was really important for the participating staff to have a forum where they could vent their feelings and concerns and feel heard. We get so busy and caught up in our work that we don't take the time to check in and see how the others are doing. We don't get time to just be with ourselves sometimes. There was a lot of crazy shit that went down yesterday and I found myself scrambling to deal with that and then I worked myself up into a lather.
I would like to see circles no longer be a forced dynamic and instead that we as teachers sit in circles together, but also to just take small groups of kids and work with them in a circle together. The circles were meant to be something that was voluntary and by making them nonvoluntary they lose the essence of what they bring to the table.
We have this one young Black kid that I think in particular would benefit from circles. He just recently had a staff meeting, hasn't been following through with what he said that he was going to do, brought out a knife in the school and started carving up the table, and doesn't seem to get the ramifications of what he has done. His dad isn't a part of his life as much as he should be and the kid gets high way too much. Throw a possible learning disability on top of that and it's a recipe for disaster. To be able to pull this kid aside and talk together with him I think would be the perfect way of implementing circles. It would be smaller and more intimate to just have him and a few of the teachers and his friends to run the circle. That is the space that I think that we could get some good work done.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Setting up a revocable living trust
So having a kid is a big deal. There are all these things that you have to do to take care of them. One of those things is setting up a revocable living trust. I first heard about a revocable living trust from my lesbian financial guru, Suze Orman, so I decided to read more up on it. One of the main reasons that people get trusts is to avoid probate fees when you die. Probate attorneys and judges take 4% of your 1st $100,000, 3% of your 2nd $100,000, and 2% of every $100,000 thereafter just to execute your will. Fuck that. A trust essentially bypasses probate. Probate courts can take from 6 months to 3 years to execute your will, while a trust can be executed as soon as you have the death certificate.
Another good thing with a trust is that they are much harder to contest than a will. I have two half brothers that I have no contact or relationship with and they could contest a will that I made because they are related to me. Wills are public information while trusts are done privately and confidentially. That way there won't be will-chasers sending "information" to Lil B on what to do with the money.
Trusts also allow AL and I to set terms for Lil B to receive his inheritance should anything happen to us. We have it so that he can't receive any money till age 30, has a college degree or some trade school equivalent, and has a stable job more or less depending on the economy. This is an interesting part about a trust and something you can have in place if you know how your child is with money. We also have the exploding turkey scenario about what to do with our estate if an exploding turkey kills AL, Lil B and me. AL is going to give her half to her family while I am going to give my half to Kiva.
Also included in the trust is the advance health care directive that states what we want to have happen if either of us or both should become incapacitated. And finally we have three deep lineup of who would care for Lil B if anything should happen to AL and me. So we have it so that AL's mom is first, her brother is second, and her cousins in Hawaii are third. Why no one from my family...cause they are crazy and bad at handling money.
There's a reason rich people get trusts and I highly recommend it to anyone that has kids. My attorney cost us $1525 to do the whole thing and $100 for amendments. I checked around with other estate planning attorneys and that is a very competitive price.
Another good thing with a trust is that they are much harder to contest than a will. I have two half brothers that I have no contact or relationship with and they could contest a will that I made because they are related to me. Wills are public information while trusts are done privately and confidentially. That way there won't be will-chasers sending "information" to Lil B on what to do with the money.
Trusts also allow AL and I to set terms for Lil B to receive his inheritance should anything happen to us. We have it so that he can't receive any money till age 30, has a college degree or some trade school equivalent, and has a stable job more or less depending on the economy. This is an interesting part about a trust and something you can have in place if you know how your child is with money. We also have the exploding turkey scenario about what to do with our estate if an exploding turkey kills AL, Lil B and me. AL is going to give her half to her family while I am going to give my half to Kiva.
Also included in the trust is the advance health care directive that states what we want to have happen if either of us or both should become incapacitated. And finally we have three deep lineup of who would care for Lil B if anything should happen to AL and me. So we have it so that AL's mom is first, her brother is second, and her cousins in Hawaii are third. Why no one from my family...cause they are crazy and bad at handling money.
There's a reason rich people get trusts and I highly recommend it to anyone that has kids. My attorney cost us $1525 to do the whole thing and $100 for amendments. I checked around with other estate planning attorneys and that is a very competitive price.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Fatherhood and work
I'd rather stay home and hang out with my child than go to work. I love my child more than my work. He is something/someone that I'd totally rather be with than my students. This is one of the most meaningful and fulfilling relationships I have and will ever have in my life. In the Confucian belief system, this is the most important relationship after ruler and subject. Confucius was such a hierarchical suckup! Sorry had to say it.
Anyways, I've been using my sick days and taking Wednesdays off to hang with the lil guy. I'll probably only do it a quarter, but this is time well spent. I don't feel that I am lacking anything when I am hanging out with him. It's pretty fucking cool. It is a heavy duty responsibility to raise a child in today's world. It's not something I take lightly. I see the effects of poor parenting on a daily basis. All my male students that don't have fathers in their lives are royally fucked in the head. I call them ships without rudders. They go where the wind blows.
I want the best for him. The cat, that I still love, has been kicked down a rung. It's pretty fucking sad. But there is an attention pie, and the cat gets the crumbs.
But the work that I'm doing at school, I feel is the best that I've ever done. I feel like I'm getting more historical knowledge and skills across to the kids in an accessible and interesting way than I've ever have. I actually am starting to feel like I'm doing a good service to the kids as opposed to my previous years of teaching. But that work has less meaning to me now. Not that I don't want to have a better and more just world for him. I would just rather spend my time with him than do pretty much anything else.
Anyways, I've been using my sick days and taking Wednesdays off to hang with the lil guy. I'll probably only do it a quarter, but this is time well spent. I don't feel that I am lacking anything when I am hanging out with him. It's pretty fucking cool. It is a heavy duty responsibility to raise a child in today's world. It's not something I take lightly. I see the effects of poor parenting on a daily basis. All my male students that don't have fathers in their lives are royally fucked in the head. I call them ships without rudders. They go where the wind blows.
I want the best for him. The cat, that I still love, has been kicked down a rung. It's pretty fucking sad. But there is an attention pie, and the cat gets the crumbs.
But the work that I'm doing at school, I feel is the best that I've ever done. I feel like I'm getting more historical knowledge and skills across to the kids in an accessible and interesting way than I've ever have. I actually am starting to feel like I'm doing a good service to the kids as opposed to my previous years of teaching. But that work has less meaning to me now. Not that I don't want to have a better and more just world for him. I would just rather spend my time with him than do pretty much anything else.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Monday, December 07, 2009
My favorite Brazilian song and version
This is my favorite Brazilian song written by my son's namesake Baden Powell. The lyrics are by Vinicius de Moraes. This version by Bebel Gilberto is my favorite version. Bebel's version is happy and sad and sensual all at the same time.
Lyrics to Samba Da Bencao (Samba Of The Blessing) :
(Baden Powell, Vinicius de Moraes)
E melhor ser alegre que ser triste
Alegria e a melhor coisa que existe
E assim como a luz no coracao
Mas pra fazer um samba com beleza
E preciso um bocado de tristeza
Senao nao se faz um samba nao
Fazer samba nao e contar piada
E quem faz samba assim nao e de nada
O bom samba e uma forma de oracao
Porque o samba e a tristeza que balanca
E a tristeza tem sempre uma esperanca
De um dia nao ser mais triste nao
Poe um pouco de amor numa cadencia
E vai ver que ninguem no mundo vence
A beleza que tem um samba nao
Porque o samba nasceu la na Bahia
E se hoje ele e branco na poesia
Ele e negro demais no coracao
[Translation:]
Samba Of The Blessing
It's better to be happy than sad
Happiness is the best thing there is
It is like a light in the heart
But to make a samba with beauty
It's needed a bit of sadness
If not the samba can't be made
To make a samba is not like telling a joke
And who makes samba like this is worth nothing
The good samba is a kind of prayer
Because samba is the sadness that sways
And sadness is always hopeful
Of one day not being sad any more
Put a little love in the cadence
And you'll see that in this world nobody wins
The beauty that a samba have
Because samba was born in Bahia
And if today it is white in it's poetry
It is very black in it's heart.
[ Samba Da Bencao (Samba Of The Blessing) Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Baby life and living overseas
I am a baby satellite. Everything that the little man wants he gets. Life with a newborn can be a stress. AL and I have shorter tempers (lack of sleep) and we snap at each other more. But at the same time he has brought us closer than ever before, because we are united in our goal of having a good and happy family. My mom is super excited. I've never seen her so excited and gushy. It's kind of weird. I see her now more than I ever have. It's a good and bad thing. It's kind of weird. I hate to say it, but when I hang out with my mom it's work. We can't just hang out and everyone be cool. My mom has to fret about something or be catered to for this and that.
So now I want to put lil B into a house. On two teachers' salaries living in the Bay Area, it's going to be a challenge. But I really want to have a yard for him to play in. I don't want him playing out in the streets. To come up with the money, AL and I have decided to teach abroad. We've always wanted to teach and live abroad and lil B is young enough that it wouldn't be that hard. I want to work in a place where I can learn to speak Spanish fluently. So Eastern Spain, Central or South America would be great. Depending on where we teach, I read that we could save $12,000 on one salary. With both of us teaching that's $24,000 a year. If we up to 4 years we could save $96,000. That's more than enough for a 20% down payment on a house within our price range. Plus I gotta get out of the US. I'm getting tired of this country. The healthcare debate is fuckin ridiculous to me. We have this HUGE military budget and soldiers all over the world, but we are cutting money to education and healthcare. Our priorities are whack! Just because we had lil B our insurance costs have tripled. This just ain't right. So we're probably looking at Fall 2011 to teach abroad. I feel like since I got married I'm really living more and having more adventures. We've traveled around the world, had the little one and will embark on more adventures. Who says that life stops once you have a baby?
So now I want to put lil B into a house. On two teachers' salaries living in the Bay Area, it's going to be a challenge. But I really want to have a yard for him to play in. I don't want him playing out in the streets. To come up with the money, AL and I have decided to teach abroad. We've always wanted to teach and live abroad and lil B is young enough that it wouldn't be that hard. I want to work in a place where I can learn to speak Spanish fluently. So Eastern Spain, Central or South America would be great. Depending on where we teach, I read that we could save $12,000 on one salary. With both of us teaching that's $24,000 a year. If we up to 4 years we could save $96,000. That's more than enough for a 20% down payment on a house within our price range. Plus I gotta get out of the US. I'm getting tired of this country. The healthcare debate is fuckin ridiculous to me. We have this HUGE military budget and soldiers all over the world, but we are cutting money to education and healthcare. Our priorities are whack! Just because we had lil B our insurance costs have tripled. This just ain't right. So we're probably looking at Fall 2011 to teach abroad. I feel like since I got married I'm really living more and having more adventures. We've traveled around the world, had the little one and will embark on more adventures. Who says that life stops once you have a baby?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
It's been a while
It's been a while since I've blogged. What's happened to me since...I suppose the biggest news is that I've had a baby boy. On October 1st, 2009 my wife delivered a beautiful baby boy 7 pounds 15 ounces. It was a 40hr labor!!! I don't even want to do things that I like for 40 hours. Being the trooper that she is, she went 32 hours without an epidural! Ridiculous right? At the 32nd hour, she was just sleep deprived, in pain, and loopy. So we had a safe word (borrowed from kinky sex) that she would use to signify that she really wanted an epidural and it was time. That safe word was "mercy!" Good one huh.
It was an amazing experience and I actually got enough courage to look. You know...down there. That was the traumatic experience for me. After the delivery it was like something out of CSI. Blood, vomit, and other bodily fluids everywhere. Some shit had gone down! At one point during a contraction, AL actually bit my hand. It was hella primal. But the end result was the important one. We got our healthy baby boy.
I was so happy when he was born and I made a promise to him right there that I would do everything and anything to take care of him. Also, I promised I wouldn't let him sit in his pee or poo for very long if I knew he had soiled himself. I mean babies can't do anything. They are completely helpless. Their quality of life is completely dependent on what we do or don't do for them. I'm not trying to have my boy being a materialist, but that is a material thing where I will make sure he is well taken care of.
It's an interesting thing having a baby. It's powerful. It changed my life and it's not like I had to work at it. You just change because you want to be around your kid. When I'm at work I just can't wait to get home to my lil guy. I just want to hang out with the lil man. I've also planned to take Wednesdays off at work to just be able to hang out with my kid. While my family with AL has always been the most important thing for me, it has taken on a new meaning and power with the addition of the lil one. I mean AL is a grown ass self sufficient woman. I don't need to cater to her all the time. But the little one...he needs us. For everything. Priorities shift.
An interesting added benefit with having a baby is that its given me more leverage with students. They want to know about how we're doing and how hard it is and how I plan on raising him. Kids have very strong and powerful views about how you should raise a kid and what is right and wrong behavior. Having lil B, allows me to ask them what would be the right thing for me to do as a parent if lil B was in their position and what would be the right thing for lil B to do. Then I just transfer that to their situation. It's deep.
I also try to talk to kids as often as possible about how hard and expensive it is to have a kid. I talk to them about the lack of sleep and frustration of dealing with a crying child. I also tell them the story of when I was changing Lil B's diapers and wiping his shit covered ass. When I went around for the second wipe he shit into my hand. There I was staring at my shit covered hand and all I could think was "Goddam teenagers are assholes!" I know I was. Here parents are cleaning their shit and all they get back is attitude. So now I say to students don't shit in my hand and they get it. Here I am trying to take care of you, don't shit in my hand, cuz you ain't a baby.
babies...gotta love em!
It was an amazing experience and I actually got enough courage to look. You know...down there. That was the traumatic experience for me. After the delivery it was like something out of CSI. Blood, vomit, and other bodily fluids everywhere. Some shit had gone down! At one point during a contraction, AL actually bit my hand. It was hella primal. But the end result was the important one. We got our healthy baby boy.
I was so happy when he was born and I made a promise to him right there that I would do everything and anything to take care of him. Also, I promised I wouldn't let him sit in his pee or poo for very long if I knew he had soiled himself. I mean babies can't do anything. They are completely helpless. Their quality of life is completely dependent on what we do or don't do for them. I'm not trying to have my boy being a materialist, but that is a material thing where I will make sure he is well taken care of.
It's an interesting thing having a baby. It's powerful. It changed my life and it's not like I had to work at it. You just change because you want to be around your kid. When I'm at work I just can't wait to get home to my lil guy. I just want to hang out with the lil man. I've also planned to take Wednesdays off at work to just be able to hang out with my kid. While my family with AL has always been the most important thing for me, it has taken on a new meaning and power with the addition of the lil one. I mean AL is a grown ass self sufficient woman. I don't need to cater to her all the time. But the little one...he needs us. For everything. Priorities shift.
An interesting added benefit with having a baby is that its given me more leverage with students. They want to know about how we're doing and how hard it is and how I plan on raising him. Kids have very strong and powerful views about how you should raise a kid and what is right and wrong behavior. Having lil B, allows me to ask them what would be the right thing for me to do as a parent if lil B was in their position and what would be the right thing for lil B to do. Then I just transfer that to their situation. It's deep.
I also try to talk to kids as often as possible about how hard and expensive it is to have a kid. I talk to them about the lack of sleep and frustration of dealing with a crying child. I also tell them the story of when I was changing Lil B's diapers and wiping his shit covered ass. When I went around for the second wipe he shit into my hand. There I was staring at my shit covered hand and all I could think was "Goddam teenagers are assholes!" I know I was. Here parents are cleaning their shit and all they get back is attitude. So now I say to students don't shit in my hand and they get it. Here I am trying to take care of you, don't shit in my hand, cuz you ain't a baby.
babies...gotta love em!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Praxis of Restorative Justice
It's been a while since my last update. Things got a bit crazy last year. I have to say that I was happy to have it be over. Looking back, I am really happy that we started and are continuing a restorative justice program at my school. Over the summer, I taught summer school and I did 2 RJ classes. The two classes couldn't have been any more different.
The first class was with students that had been in the school last year. This class was really amazing. We got deep and I was able to connect to these students in a way that I am not normally able to do. That's one of the things that I like best about RJ is that it helps create a community. Students brought up topics and issues that we discussed as a group and it was real. When I speak to the kids in my normal speech they listen better. I thought that was important too because I am always talking to them about code switching and so they found it interesting and surprising to listen to me talk when I'm not trying to be a "teacher". The informal communal nature of it also allowed me to bust on kids in a caring but real way. I was able to express my frustrations with them and they were able to really hear me and know that what I was saying was coming from a good place. The class also allowed for us to talk about relationships and offer advice based on our experiences.
The other class was painful. It was like pulling teeth. There were some young boys coming in as freshmen and I had forgotten how young freshmen boys could be. They had very little to say and didn't have very many thoughts on issues and the topics that I would bring up. There were a couple of students that wanted to talk about the issues and topics but it quickly became a very small discussion among me and the 2 students. The rest just sat there. In short, it was painful. I was reduced to asking them very basic getting to know you type questions. Questions that I got from the book "Moving beyond icebreakers". I didn't want to do a questionnaire type class but there was very little participation and interest in really going any deeper. The students that did want to talk expressed their frustration about no one speaking...but what could they do.
Looking back at RJ at my school, I think that there needs to be some things that we do to make it more successful. First, I think that teachers need to participate more in the circles. We ran circles but we tried to have students run the circles. When students were running other students a number of times it just descended into apathy or chaos. I think when teachers are in the circles it sets a different tone and creates a different atmosphere. Students need teachers to model appropriate behavior and we have not been doing the RJ circles long enough for students to know how to act appropriately within the circles. As a result, some of our student led circles were less than successful. Second, I think that us teachers need to have RJ circles together to talk about our issues. Restorative Justice is something that all of us need not just the students. When teachers sat in and had circles together it was powerful and there was greater buy-in. The kids aren't going to buy it if we don't. Third, teachers need to start using RJ circles within their own classes and CTMs. I started to use the circles but I was the only one. I found them to be very useful and very helpful in my classes and CTM, but the other teachers didn't do them. This was weird too because everyone bought in to the idea, but what was missing was the praxis.
Self and community transformation ain't easy. It takes work. School starts tomorrow without the kids and the next week they come in. It's going to be a hard year because we are losing one of our most amazing teachers. She is leaving to take an administrative position at a middle school. I am going to miss her a lot. She is an inspiration to me and someone that I respect greatly. I marvel at her energy, rapport with students, and commitment to social justice. I am jealous of the school that is going to get her, but so happy for her because she will do amazing things with her greater position and role at the new school. Also, we are scrambling to look for another math teacher. The teacher that we had last year didn't find favor with the boss lady. She was looking to replace him but didn't tell any of the staff except the one leaving. I went into school on Friday and was told that math teachers were being interviewed. We have a staff of 8 people and we are looking for 2 new teachers. This is some fucked up shit. When I first got there it was a 4 person turnover. Things were crazy. When the math teacher came in last year in the middle of the year it was crazy. We have 2 new teachers that are going to be hazed and have to get used to the school and students that I work with. The other fucked up thing is that the math teacher doesn't know that he is being replaced. In fact, he joined us in a RJ training on Thursday.
As much as I enjoy the work that I am doing and love the staff, I am really disturbed by the system that we have. We are under-resourced and always seem to be putting out fires. If it's not one thing it's another. The teacher turnover rate is too high and we don't have the resources to keep good teachers. If I went to work at the regular old public school in my school district, I would immediately get about a $10,000 raise, more benefits, and do less work. It kind of fucking ridiculous. I love my work there, but sometimes it can be quite disheartening.
The first class was with students that had been in the school last year. This class was really amazing. We got deep and I was able to connect to these students in a way that I am not normally able to do. That's one of the things that I like best about RJ is that it helps create a community. Students brought up topics and issues that we discussed as a group and it was real. When I speak to the kids in my normal speech they listen better. I thought that was important too because I am always talking to them about code switching and so they found it interesting and surprising to listen to me talk when I'm not trying to be a "teacher". The informal communal nature of it also allowed me to bust on kids in a caring but real way. I was able to express my frustrations with them and they were able to really hear me and know that what I was saying was coming from a good place. The class also allowed for us to talk about relationships and offer advice based on our experiences.
The other class was painful. It was like pulling teeth. There were some young boys coming in as freshmen and I had forgotten how young freshmen boys could be. They had very little to say and didn't have very many thoughts on issues and the topics that I would bring up. There were a couple of students that wanted to talk about the issues and topics but it quickly became a very small discussion among me and the 2 students. The rest just sat there. In short, it was painful. I was reduced to asking them very basic getting to know you type questions. Questions that I got from the book "Moving beyond icebreakers". I didn't want to do a questionnaire type class but there was very little participation and interest in really going any deeper. The students that did want to talk expressed their frustration about no one speaking...but what could they do.
Looking back at RJ at my school, I think that there needs to be some things that we do to make it more successful. First, I think that teachers need to participate more in the circles. We ran circles but we tried to have students run the circles. When students were running other students a number of times it just descended into apathy or chaos. I think when teachers are in the circles it sets a different tone and creates a different atmosphere. Students need teachers to model appropriate behavior and we have not been doing the RJ circles long enough for students to know how to act appropriately within the circles. As a result, some of our student led circles were less than successful. Second, I think that us teachers need to have RJ circles together to talk about our issues. Restorative Justice is something that all of us need not just the students. When teachers sat in and had circles together it was powerful and there was greater buy-in. The kids aren't going to buy it if we don't. Third, teachers need to start using RJ circles within their own classes and CTMs. I started to use the circles but I was the only one. I found them to be very useful and very helpful in my classes and CTM, but the other teachers didn't do them. This was weird too because everyone bought in to the idea, but what was missing was the praxis.
Self and community transformation ain't easy. It takes work. School starts tomorrow without the kids and the next week they come in. It's going to be a hard year because we are losing one of our most amazing teachers. She is leaving to take an administrative position at a middle school. I am going to miss her a lot. She is an inspiration to me and someone that I respect greatly. I marvel at her energy, rapport with students, and commitment to social justice. I am jealous of the school that is going to get her, but so happy for her because she will do amazing things with her greater position and role at the new school. Also, we are scrambling to look for another math teacher. The teacher that we had last year didn't find favor with the boss lady. She was looking to replace him but didn't tell any of the staff except the one leaving. I went into school on Friday and was told that math teachers were being interviewed. We have a staff of 8 people and we are looking for 2 new teachers. This is some fucked up shit. When I first got there it was a 4 person turnover. Things were crazy. When the math teacher came in last year in the middle of the year it was crazy. We have 2 new teachers that are going to be hazed and have to get used to the school and students that I work with. The other fucked up thing is that the math teacher doesn't know that he is being replaced. In fact, he joined us in a RJ training on Thursday.
As much as I enjoy the work that I am doing and love the staff, I am really disturbed by the system that we have. We are under-resourced and always seem to be putting out fires. If it's not one thing it's another. The teacher turnover rate is too high and we don't have the resources to keep good teachers. If I went to work at the regular old public school in my school district, I would immediately get about a $10,000 raise, more benefits, and do less work. It kind of fucking ridiculous. I love my work there, but sometimes it can be quite disheartening.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Praxis of Restorative Justice
So I've been doing circles to start and end the day in my CTM. I saw that I had to do it when one day a kid asked me what another kid's name was, but the other kid had been in my class for over a year. It was bad. There isn't a community or family atmosphere in my group. And in large part I'm the one to blame. The praxis of restorative justice forces me to change it up. I can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results. It's making me cuckoo for coco puffs.
As a part of my "getting to know you questions" I've been asking the 10 questions that James Lipton asks all of his guests. Then I started asking some from the Proust questionnaire. This has inspired other kids to start asking questions. I mean people, myself very much included, love doing the questionnaire type shit on facebook. I've spent way too much time doing the 25 Random Things about Me and 20 albums that changed my life.
I'm excited to try and create a community where one should naturally exist. I think that will be part of the key to creating a better atmosphere and school environment.
As a part of my "getting to know you questions" I've been asking the 10 questions that James Lipton asks all of his guests. Then I started asking some from the Proust questionnaire. This has inspired other kids to start asking questions. I mean people, myself very much included, love doing the questionnaire type shit on facebook. I've spent way too much time doing the 25 Random Things about Me and 20 albums that changed my life.
I'm excited to try and create a community where one should naturally exist. I think that will be part of the key to creating a better atmosphere and school environment.
Friday, February 20, 2009
At the top of my blog, I wrote that societal ills affect the most vulnerable populations first. Even though I wrote it, I am understanding it now more than ever. The past 3 weeks have been truly crazy. One of the missions of the school is dropout prevention. But we've been kicking out kids left and right. Right now the tone and environment of the school is the worst that I have ever experienced. Talking with the principal, she was saying this is the worst that she has remembered...and she has been there 35 years. Just in the past month, we expelled 1 kid for drug dealing and being high in classes, 2 kids suspended for almost fighting, and 4 kids expelled for fighting. And I believe more expulsions are on the way. Girls are getting pregnant left and right.
As bad as it is right now, I want to believe that good will come from this. Students and staff want to make things better. We have been trained in restorative justice and this is a situation where we really need it. Kids weren't moving on having circles, but this is the light under their and our asses to make it happen. We are fortunate to have a process to deal with our situation. In response to the situations, we have had 2 student run talking circles. The one last Thursday was intense because it involved more staff and more students. I went to both of them. A lot of emotions were put out at both of them, but the Thursday one had people crying.
The stories that kids tell me about their lives boggles my mind. It often really puts my life into perspective. The things that they go through... I'm not surprised that they aren't into their education. When families are scraping to get by...it's not shocking that kids don't want to read.
But back to what I was saying about societal ills...it's the economy. The ones with the least are having to get by with even less. Funding and budgets are getting cut. People are losing their jobs. The ones that continue to work are working like slaves because they have to do the work of more people and they are happy just to have a job. People with impressive resumes are competing for jobs with people with high school degrees. People looking for just anything. People aren't buying and so businesses aren't expanding. I wonder where the bottom is.
As bad as it is right now, I want to believe that good will come from this. Students and staff want to make things better. We have been trained in restorative justice and this is a situation where we really need it. Kids weren't moving on having circles, but this is the light under their and our asses to make it happen. We are fortunate to have a process to deal with our situation. In response to the situations, we have had 2 student run talking circles. The one last Thursday was intense because it involved more staff and more students. I went to both of them. A lot of emotions were put out at both of them, but the Thursday one had people crying.
The stories that kids tell me about their lives boggles my mind. It often really puts my life into perspective. The things that they go through... I'm not surprised that they aren't into their education. When families are scraping to get by...it's not shocking that kids don't want to read.
But back to what I was saying about societal ills...it's the economy. The ones with the least are having to get by with even less. Funding and budgets are getting cut. People are losing their jobs. The ones that continue to work are working like slaves because they have to do the work of more people and they are happy just to have a job. People with impressive resumes are competing for jobs with people with high school degrees. People looking for just anything. People aren't buying and so businesses aren't expanding. I wonder where the bottom is.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Praxis of Justice
After my little success with circles in 3rd period, I conducted a circle in my film class. It was cool because I really got a lot more feedback from students. I don't like it when I just stand in front of a room to silence and blank stares. We talked about what was their favorite movie of all time, then about what movie they liked the best in the film class. It was interesting because students either loved Clockwork Orange or they hated it. Films that elicit a strong reaction are great for discussion. Doubt was like that most recently for me. Then my final question was, "Had they ever been in love and how did it make them feel?" After they all answered that we started watching "Eat Drink Man Woman." It was cool because the circle set them in the proper mindframe to watch the film. It's been a while since I've seen it, but watching it again was still fun. We didn't get to finish watching it that period, so it's been making me think about it. I want to talk to them about the theme /metaphor of Life without love and honest human relationships is like food without taste. Looks nice and you'll live but there is no je ne sais quoi. All that beautiful Chinese food that makes me so hungry watching it. An interesting cross cultural exchange, when the two sisters are fighting while washing dishes they don't look at each other. They stand side by side. One of my black kids yelled out why aren't they looking at each other. My Chinese student and I both at the same time yell out that it's awkward to look at each other. I notice when I speak sometimes in circle I look to the ground when talking about my feelings.
So come Thursday I wanted to do circles in all my classes. As my opening ceremony, I played a clip from "Enter the Dragon". The one where Bruce is talking to his student about Emotional Content and a finger pointing to the moon. Then I talked about the finger being the circle but the moon being justice. The finger is important in that it points but it is not the thing that is desired. In the circle, we need Emotional Content. Don't think, FEEEEEEEEL! Then from there we created the guidelines. In 1st period, I was able to do some icebreakers and then move onto content on Chinese Lunar New Year. It was cool because it engaged one of my students that is going through some crazy ass shit and she just wants to put her head down on the table. She sat up and participated in something in class.
My 2nd period was a more interesting circle. There are some children in there...and I mean children. It's the part about working with teenagers that is sooooo lame. Remember how back it the day people used to say "Oh my God, you are like soooooo immature"? Watching the interactions and behavior sometimes, just pulls that phrase from the recesses of my mind. I just want to say "pffft! WHATever!" Anyways, the idea of two talking pieces came up and my more obstinate young ladies decided that they wanted to run with it, but they did it by respecting the one talking piece and we did it in circle with each person passing and having their say. Their argument was that if they wanted to ask someone a question or respond to something someone was saying they should be able to have two talking pieces going. The argument that I've read and agree with is that the talking piece gives each person a voice, allows those that have trouble talking talk, and helps control dominant voices. If there were 2 talking pieces then things could easily descend into a back and forth shutting out all others. I said that if they had something important that they wanted to say they could either write it down as I was doing or they could just remember it. At the end of class, one of the young ladies just started saying how she knew she had a bad attitude and would go against things just to go against them. That little girl has it hard. Her story is sad. Unfortunately, she plays out her inner turmoil in classes and on the people around her, especially authority figures. On Friday we had to come back to this, but it was good because I really got a better feel and understanding for building a consensus. A consensus is something agreed upon by everyone but it's also the idea of is this something you can live with. After more rounds of trying to gain consensus, I also better understood the power of the circle as a socializing tool. More and more students that were getting impatient about the obstinate young ladies voiced their opinions on the importance of one mic. This changed the attitude of the girls as they saw that the community was getting restless and they decided to drop the idea of two mics. But the group did agree on suspending the talking pieces and using the terms, "clarify" and "louder" when someone had spoke. Those could be interjected between bowl passing.
The circle worked well for my second period class because that was the class were I had the students with the most behavioral problems. It's the class that needs to build the most community. Through building the community, then we can all become accountable for each other's learning.
So come Thursday I wanted to do circles in all my classes. As my opening ceremony, I played a clip from "Enter the Dragon". The one where Bruce is talking to his student about Emotional Content and a finger pointing to the moon. Then I talked about the finger being the circle but the moon being justice. The finger is important in that it points but it is not the thing that is desired. In the circle, we need Emotional Content. Don't think, FEEEEEEEEL! Then from there we created the guidelines. In 1st period, I was able to do some icebreakers and then move onto content on Chinese Lunar New Year. It was cool because it engaged one of my students that is going through some crazy ass shit and she just wants to put her head down on the table. She sat up and participated in something in class.
My 2nd period was a more interesting circle. There are some children in there...and I mean children. It's the part about working with teenagers that is sooooo lame. Remember how back it the day people used to say "Oh my God, you are like soooooo immature"? Watching the interactions and behavior sometimes, just pulls that phrase from the recesses of my mind. I just want to say "pffft! WHATever!" Anyways, the idea of two talking pieces came up and my more obstinate young ladies decided that they wanted to run with it, but they did it by respecting the one talking piece and we did it in circle with each person passing and having their say. Their argument was that if they wanted to ask someone a question or respond to something someone was saying they should be able to have two talking pieces going. The argument that I've read and agree with is that the talking piece gives each person a voice, allows those that have trouble talking talk, and helps control dominant voices. If there were 2 talking pieces then things could easily descend into a back and forth shutting out all others. I said that if they had something important that they wanted to say they could either write it down as I was doing or they could just remember it. At the end of class, one of the young ladies just started saying how she knew she had a bad attitude and would go against things just to go against them. That little girl has it hard. Her story is sad. Unfortunately, she plays out her inner turmoil in classes and on the people around her, especially authority figures. On Friday we had to come back to this, but it was good because I really got a better feel and understanding for building a consensus. A consensus is something agreed upon by everyone but it's also the idea of is this something you can live with. After more rounds of trying to gain consensus, I also better understood the power of the circle as a socializing tool. More and more students that were getting impatient about the obstinate young ladies voiced their opinions on the importance of one mic. This changed the attitude of the girls as they saw that the community was getting restless and they decided to drop the idea of two mics. But the group did agree on suspending the talking pieces and using the terms, "clarify" and "louder" when someone had spoke. Those could be interjected between bowl passing.
The circle worked well for my second period class because that was the class were I had the students with the most behavioral problems. It's the class that needs to build the most community. Through building the community, then we can all become accountable for each other's learning.
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