School got fucking broke into again. 3rd time now since I've been there. I came in on Sunday to set up some computers and the front gate was wide open and unlocked. Then when we went to school today, my coworker, Betsy found out that her computer had been stolen. There must be a special place in Dante's hell for people like this. Or their karma is going to have them come back as a dung beetle or something. Whatever the case may be, this is totally fucked up and unacceptable to me. I feel like we're going to have to boobytrap the place or something.

I'm fucking stressing the fuck out. I'm coming to the end of the semester at my teaching credential classes and I haven't turned in a bunch of work. I feel like one of my students. Scratch that. Most of them aren't working a full time job that is as taxing as teaching. When they are, I'll cut them a whole lot more breaks. Shit cut them a ton of breaks now. But I'm also nervous cause I'm going to be teaching a multicultural literature class that I have no familiarity with. Then for my Wednesday classes I'm going to be teaching Metamorphosis again and a journalism class. The meta class has to be better than the meta class last year. I'm fucking praying that it is, but then again it could only get better. The journalism... I didn't really want to teach it but I had to come up with a second class after I thought film appreciation was on lock. Then I found out that I had to teach meta and so no film appreciation. I got stuck with journalism with my buddy jeremy cause we got a local paper that is willing to print some student articles so then I'm doing that. So now I'm teaching 3 classes that I don't really want to teach and 2 world cultures classes that I don't have the materials that I need to properly teach them. Teeefuckingrific!!! This is fucking ridiculous.

I'm starting to feel real down and overwhelmed. This is a fucking hard job. All that talk about cushy hours and long vacation time is a big load of shit. I'm at school after the time I get paid. I come home and try to come up with shit to do. On weekends I gotta grade and do more lesson planning and work on my credential. When school is going I gotta be on it. You can't just zone out when there is a roomful of kids staring at you. On top of that, the pay is shitty. I read somewhere that most people quit teaching after the 1st year. I'm really starting to understand why. These robberies have gotten me down too, cause nothing is going to happen. We get robbed and so it goes. The cops ain't doing shit and now the cops will charge you money if they come and check on an alarm. The Fucking cops charge. Protect and serve my ass. They get funded better and paid more. Fucking come and check if my school is getting robbed cause if I can do my job then you'll have less work. It's 2:00AM in the fucking morning. I can't sleep. I've been up doing the last of the grading. I'm tired, pissed, angry, frustrated, and overwhelmed.

I don't like getting robbed. This isn't fair. This isn't just. This isn't right. I work in a public school but I've been to other public schools and there isn't equity. The high school that I went to is vastly different from the one that I'm teaching at now. In almost every fucking way. Granted I'm teaching at an innercity urban high school. But the structural and institutional racism and classism in the American public school system infuriates me. Then to meet and talk to people that think that things are fair and just and that everyone needs to just pick themselves up is just galling. I chat online sometimes and the racist idiots that I meet are just astounding. And these are people with the money to have computers.

But I guess I'm whining. This is reality. This is what I signed up for and my ideals and values of social justice aren't shit unless I'm willing to be in the struggle. I want to be at the school I'm teaching at, but it's just fucking hard. The environment can really pull you down. I suppose I can use this to help me sympathize with my students' plight.