Fatherhood and work

I'd rather stay home and hang out with my child than go to work. I love my child more than my work. He is something/someone that I'd totally rather be with than my students. This is one of the most meaningful and fulfilling relationships I have and will ever have in my life. In the Confucian belief system, this is the most important relationship after ruler and subject. Confucius was such a hierarchical suckup! Sorry had to say it.

Anyways, I've been using my sick days and taking Wednesdays off to hang with the lil guy. I'll probably only do it a quarter, but this is time well spent. I don't feel that I am lacking anything when I am hanging out with him. It's pretty fucking cool. It is a heavy duty responsibility to raise a child in today's world. It's not something I take lightly. I see the effects of poor parenting on a daily basis. All my male students that don't have fathers in their lives are royally fucked in the head. I call them ships without rudders. They go where the wind blows.

I want the best for him. The cat, that I still love, has been kicked down a rung. It's pretty fucking sad. But there is an attention pie, and the cat gets the crumbs.

But the work that I'm doing at school, I feel is the best that I've ever done. I feel like I'm getting more historical knowledge and skills across to the kids in an accessible and interesting way than I've ever have. I actually am starting to feel like I'm doing a good service to the kids as opposed to my previous years of teaching. But that work has less meaning to me now. Not that I don't want to have a better and more just world for him. I would just rather spend my time with him than do pretty much anything else.