A shitty day with a good ending

So Tuesday was a shitty day. I was tired and my classes sucked. Student energy was low and so was I. So 3:30 comes around and I am ready to get the fuck outta Dodge. As I'm sitting in the office, I strike up a conversation with BY my Native American coworker. I asked him if his position on RJ circles was set in stone or was there wriggle room. Backstory: He didn't like the way that circles were being done at the school and he had gotten complaints from the Native students as well. As a result, he did not want to participate in circles anymore. Knowing that he had collected letters of complaint from the Native students, I asked to read the letters. All the students described the disrespectful nature of the circles and unhappiness that they weren't being done correctly. I stated that I agreed with the students and that we had stopped doing our weekly CTM circles as a result. Now we were doing voluntary circles more in line with the philosophy of restorative justice.  I said that we needed to talk to the Native students and find out how they felt now that we had changed up the way that we did our circles. Yet, BY still had reservations. 

I probed him more to find out his problems with our circles. I come to find out that he participates frequently in circles and that he was even married in a circle. For him, circles are a religious ceremony and he expects to be smudged and pass the pipe around. I noted to him that I would feel uncomfortable doing that. Also, he was having some problems with our RJ coordinator, CFG. He preferred our previous coordinator and the person that trained us, RA. He felt that she did circles with an appropriate amount of ceremony and solemnity. I agreed with him that RA was a very effective and good circlekeeper and coordinator, but that CFG also had things to offer. I stated that I think the problem was that CFG had some big shoes to fill and that she had come to the school when the program was being very poorly run. CFG's style is vastly different from RA and it wasn't fair to judge her based on RA. I would say that RA's style of circle keeping is more like a conductor while CFG is more like an emcee. Both have their places, but I understood that people preferred the RA's style and experience. I recognized and validated his concerns with CFG, but reiterated my support for her. 

However, I expressed my strong commitment to restorative justice and my belief in it. He agreed with me that RJ was a great thing but he didn't like the way that we were doing circles. I told him that I believed that circles were a means to an end. I used the Buddhist quote of Buddhism being a raft to cross a river but that once you crossed the river you discarded the raft. I also used Bruce Lee's quote from Enter the Dragon, "It is like a finger pointing to the moon, don't concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory." To me, circles are just a finger pointing to the moon and not the end itself. To me it was just a practice to actuate my values and beliefs. What matters most to me is the effect that circles have on the students and not necessarily circles themselves. I gave him the example of the student BC that we just had a circle with and how he was able to sit still and respectfully for 2 hours. Circles helped to create the environment where he was able to do that. I believe that circles create a space where people can experience true democracy, egalitarianism, right modeling of appropriate behavior and  accountability. I asked him what should we do instead if he believed in RJ but wasn't down with circles. He brought up something that one Native student said, "Why don't we just call it squares?" I said I'll sit in a square, ellipse, oval, or whatever. I asked if we just called it a forum would that be better. He said that if we did that he would feel better about it. 

What was so important was that we can continue with the restorative justice work at the school we just were going to call it something else. Names are important. If calling the same thing something else makes BY happy then I am happy to do it. We can call the talking piece the one mic whatever. Let's just get restored.