BC's circle

On Thursday the 11th, we had another circle for one male African American student, BC. BC is a great kid. Dynamic, positive, loud, with a lot of leadership qualities. However, he lacks a lot of self control and as a result is a disruption to classes and himself. I wanted to have a circle for him because his unwanted and sometimes wanted advances from our girls was going to get him into trouble. His interactions with females are totally inappropriate for a school environment and will get himself thrown out if his behavior doesn't change.

Before the circle happened, BC was experiencing a lot of anxiety. He was feeling that it was going to be a bashing thing and that he was going to yelled at or called out. He was trying what he could to get out of it. Finally, I just talked to to him directly and told him that it was voluntary and that he didn't have to go to it if he didn't want to but I wanted him to. We have a good rapport and so when he was assured by me that it was going to be cool he showed up. AV and JC from staff showed up and UL and MH showed up from the after school. 2 of his friends showed up, QT and MM. Unfortunately, they couldn't stay for the whole thing.

I started off the circle by reminding everyone that this was not to be a reprimanding circle. This was not a circle of blame but one of concern. Then I opened with reading from chapter 33 of the Dao De Jing. This is perhaps one of the most important philosophical passages in my life. This chapter has done a lot to influence my life and I had shared it with BC in summer school.

After that we just did the check in and created a list of agreements. It was important in the agreements/guidelines that we stressed that we were coming from a place of caring and concern. This all went very smoothly like previous circle had. Then my opening question was, "What was something that you liked about BC that brought you here to this circle?" Everyone recounted stories about the energy that he brings to the environment and how much we liked having him as a student. Couching it in this framework I used that to segue into our concerns. His sexual harassment of students, his uncontrolled behavior in class, and his lack of academic effort were all put on the table in what I think was a very gentle way. We actually had 3 rounds of talking about the situation and putting things on the table. BC's dad is in jail. He's a lifer.  BC's been shot. He has a crazy life, but he's still maintained a very positive affect. He's been diagnosed with ADHD.  I really wonder about this. I read that kids of color are sometimes over medicated and I would say that in many (not all) cases that I've seen and experienced. Sometimes teenagers are just full of energy and if you had the lives that many of them do, you'd be a bit crazy too. But regarding the ADHD, BC sat through the entire 2 hours speaking when it was appropriate and calm and still. He wasn't walking all around or anything. If anything AV and I were the ones getting up out of the chair. I said that I see BC having to make some very serious choices soon. This kid in my opinion is either going to be a hero or a zero. His personality doesn't really have a middle ground. He is either going to be a force for good or bad. We all prodded him to bring out his good side. BC brought up his concerns that his mom was sad at his situation and that he kept feeling like he would take 1 step forward and ten steps back. He also recognized the need to push himself. We addressed his sexual harassment of females and I had brought up the idea with him before that he would not want to have any guy talk to his sister or mother the way that he talked to women. We stressed that he needed to treat women like they were his sister or his mother.

After laying out the situation, we talked about the impact of BC's behavior and how it's affected us and left us feeling. This was also on a positive note as we talked about all the things that we liked about him, but everyone seemed to agree that we were tired. It was work having to work with him. The constant shushing and controlling detracted from the education of the others around him.

When we talked about responsibility we really talked about the responsibility that BC has to himself. UL stressed his need for insight and we all stressed the need for discipline. But discipline as a practice not as a punishment. When we talked about needs and what did we need from BC, we mainly talked about the need for self control. He needed to act the way that he was acting in circle in class.

When we got to solutions and what specific things that BC was going to do to make things better he had very vague answers. He said that he was going to take in everything and reflect. He was going to go to afterschool rigor room more and that he was going to stay away from all the girls. We just all laughed at the last thing about the girls because it was totally unreasonable and for him impossible. He needed to exercise control not avoidance. It was at this point that I unfortunately had to leave to take another student to a meeting. I had AV finish it up for me with only UL and MH left.

But before I had left and through our talk I stressed the need for BC to do some practice. I've talked to him about going to a vipassana meditation class after school with me. I've been looking for a place to practice. I'm not a Buddhist, but I'm down with the Buddhist idea of transforming suffering. I've been feeling that I need a community of practitioners that I feel comfortable with, but it's so hard to find a place were I can be cool with the people. I checked out this place online that in between home and work. It was later on that night and was a sitting group for people of color.

When I left the circle to take my other student to a meeting it was 5pm and that meeting lasted about 1hr 15 min. Then I headed over to the meditation group and called up BC to come and meet me. He did but not before I talked to his momma and she tore into me. She got on and started yelling that I needed to tell her beforehand what we were doing (she was right) and that she needed to know what her baby was going to because for all she knew it could be devil worship (which it wasn't). I calmed her down and assured her that everything would be fine and she allowed BC to go. He came and he did a sitting meditation for 1 hr and he never spoke out or got up and moved around. The kid has far more self control than he displays or is given credit for, but he just doesn't practice.

For the RJ program to work, the students and staff need to practice and have a practice.