Life

I hope everyone had a Merry Mithra/Happy Solstice/Happy Kwanzaa/Happy Chanukah/Merry Christmas. I've become a Home Depot convert. AL and I painted the office Emerald Lake Green aka Crayola green. We read up on color therapy beforehand and apparently green is good for concentration and calm. We were going to paint it chili pepper red, but wisely decided against it. The paintjob was so-so, but we learned a lot from having done it. I also bought a 5 tiered stand alone shelf that I installed in the storage space we got. Then I hung up bike hooks from the ceiling and now there is a ton of space in our storage unit.

Since we were painting the room we also decided to rearrange it. I've ended my homebase business but I had major remnants of it in the office and this was a time of purging. The business was always a mental/emotional drain on me. I had too much familial karma with the business and it made me miserable. Teaching was a far better though less profitable choice for me. But money isn't everything.

Ever since the wedding things have been pretty crazy and hectic. Teaching is...all consuming. Then throw credentialling classes on top of that. AL and I haven't really had time to just relax and focus on us. This break has been great because it was the first time that AL didn't go back east for the holidays. We just chilled out together. This time together has really made me feel adult and grown up. It's fricking weird. I've moved into a different stage of my life and I can imagine our future together. I was talking with my older friend John and he clued me in to a sobering realization that he had made. He was slowly seeing the generation above him pass away and he was slowly moving towards being the elder in the extended family. What a strange time that will be when I am the oldest generation. My life has always been about youth and being young. This adulthood thing really gives you a sense of mortality.

Hindus believe in 4 stages of life. I am now in the Grihastha (householder) stage. Erik Erikson talked about 8 psychosocial stages of life. According to that, I'm in the young adulthood stage. It's a trip to see one's life as just playing out this formula. I wonder about my ancestors 10 generations back. Did we have ways of thinking in common? Am I trodding in the steps of my ancestors? Did I have an ancestor that was down with the Dao? Was he or she a teacher? Did they oppose the patriarchy and stifling aspects of Chinese culture? Apparently my grandfather was a real hard ass and this is probably where my father gets it from. My brother has also taken on this mentality. How many generations back does this violent angry energy go? Who was the guy or girl that helped to make the following generations mental? Can that transmitted energy end with me and my generation? Can I live a free life?