Fatherhood and work

I'd rather stay home and hang out with my child than go to work. I love my child more than my work. He is something/someone that I'd totally rather be with than my students. This is one of the most meaningful and fulfilling relationships I have and will ever have in my life. In the Confucian belief system, this is the most important relationship after ruler and subject. Confucius was such a hierarchical suckup! Sorry had to say it.

Anyways, I've been using my sick days and taking Wednesdays off to hang with the lil guy. I'll probably only do it a quarter, but this is time well spent. I don't feel that I am lacking anything when I am hanging out with him. It's pretty fucking cool. It is a heavy duty responsibility to raise a child in today's world. It's not something I take lightly. I see the effects of poor parenting on a daily basis. All my male students that don't have fathers in their lives are royally fucked in the head. I call them ships without rudders. They go where the wind blows.

I want the best for him. The cat, that I still love, has been kicked down a rung. It's pretty fucking sad. But there is an attention pie, and the cat gets the crumbs.

But the work that I'm doing at school, I feel is the best that I've ever done. I feel like I'm getting more historical knowledge and skills across to the kids in an accessible and interesting way than I've ever have. I actually am starting to feel like I'm doing a good service to the kids as opposed to my previous years of teaching. But that work has less meaning to me now. Not that I don't want to have a better and more just world for him. I would just rather spend my time with him than do pretty much anything else.

My favorite Hawaiian song

Nostalgia

My favorite Brazilian song and version

This is my favorite Brazilian song written by my son's namesake Baden Powell. The lyrics are by Vinicius de Moraes. This version by Bebel Gilberto is my favorite version. Bebel's version is happy and sad and sensual all at the same time.

Lyrics to Samba Da Bencao (Samba Of The Blessing) :
(Baden Powell, Vinicius de Moraes)

E melhor ser alegre que ser triste
Alegria e a melhor coisa que existe
E assim como a luz no coracao
Mas pra fazer um samba com beleza
E preciso um bocado de tristeza
Senao nao se faz um samba nao

Fazer samba nao e contar piada
E quem faz samba assim nao e de nada
O bom samba e uma forma de oracao
Porque o samba e a tristeza que balanca
E a tristeza tem sempre uma esperanca
De um dia nao ser mais triste nao

Poe um pouco de amor numa cadencia
E vai ver que ninguem no mundo vence
A beleza que tem um samba nao
Porque o samba nasceu la na Bahia
E se hoje ele e branco na poesia
Ele e negro demais no coracao

[Translation:]

Samba Of The Blessing

It's better to be happy than sad
Happiness is the best thing there is
It is like a light in the heart
But to make a samba with beauty
It's needed a bit of sadness
If not the samba can't be made

To make a samba is not like telling a joke
And who makes samba like this is worth nothing
The good samba is a kind of prayer
Because samba is the sadness that sways
And sadness is always hopeful
Of one day not being sad any more

Put a little love in the cadence
And you'll see that in this world nobody wins
The beauty that a samba have
Because samba was born in Bahia
And if today it is white in it's poetry
It is very black in it's heart.
[ Samba Da Bencao (Samba Of The Blessing) Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]

Baby life and living overseas

I am a baby satellite. Everything that the little man wants he gets. Life with a newborn can be a stress. AL and I have shorter tempers (lack of sleep) and we snap at each other more. But at the same time he has brought us closer than ever before, because we are united in our goal of having a good and happy family. My mom is super excited. I've never seen her so excited and gushy. It's kind of weird. I see her now more than I ever have. It's a good and bad thing. It's kind of weird. I hate to say it, but when I hang out with my mom it's work. We can't just hang out and everyone be cool. My mom has to fret about something or be catered to for this and that.

So now I want to put lil B into a house. On two teachers' salaries living in the Bay Area, it's going to be a challenge. But I really want to have a yard for him to play in. I don't want him playing out in the streets. To come up with the money, AL and I have decided to teach abroad. We've always wanted to teach and live abroad and lil B is young enough that it wouldn't be that hard. I want to work in a place where I can learn to speak Spanish fluently. So Eastern Spain, Central or South America would be great. Depending on where we teach, I read that we could save $12,000 on one salary. With both of us teaching that's $24,000 a year. If we up to 4 years we could save $96,000. That's more than enough for a 20% down payment on a house within our price range. Plus I gotta get out of the US. I'm getting tired of this country. The healthcare debate is fuckin ridiculous to me. We have this HUGE military budget and soldiers all over the world, but we are cutting money to education and healthcare. Our priorities are whack! Just because we had lil B our insurance costs have tripled. This just ain't right. So we're probably looking at Fall 2011 to teach abroad. I feel like since I got married I'm really living more and having more adventures. We've traveled around the world, had the little one and will embark on more adventures. Who says that life stops once you have a baby?

It's been a while

It's been a while since I've blogged. What's happened to me since...I suppose the biggest news is that I've had a baby boy. On October 1st, 2009 my wife delivered a beautiful baby boy 7 pounds 15 ounces. It was a 40hr labor!!! I don't even want to do things that I like for 40 hours. Being the trooper that she is, she went 32 hours without an epidural! Ridiculous right? At the 32nd hour, she was just sleep deprived, in pain, and loopy. So we had a safe word (borrowed from kinky sex) that she would use to signify that she really wanted an epidural and it was time. That safe word was "mercy!" Good one huh.

It was an amazing experience and I actually got enough courage to look. You know...down there. That was the traumatic experience for me. After the delivery it was like something out of CSI. Blood, vomit, and other bodily fluids everywhere. Some shit had gone down! At one point during a contraction, AL actually bit my hand. It was hella primal. But the end result was the important one. We got our healthy baby boy.

I was so happy when he was born and I made a promise to him right there that I would do everything and anything to take care of him. Also, I promised I wouldn't let him sit in his pee or poo for very long if I knew he had soiled himself. I mean babies can't do anything. They are completely helpless. Their quality of life is completely dependent on what we do or don't do for them. I'm not trying to have my boy being a materialist, but that is a material thing where I will make sure he is well taken care of.

It's an interesting thing having a baby. It's powerful. It changed my life and it's not like I had to work at it. You just change because you want to be around your kid. When I'm at work I just can't wait to get home to my lil guy. I just want to hang out with the lil man. I've also planned to take Wednesdays off at work to just be able to hang out with my kid. While my family with AL has always been the most important thing for me, it has taken on a new meaning and power with the addition of the lil one. I mean AL is a grown ass self sufficient woman. I don't need to cater to her all the time. But the little one...he needs us. For everything. Priorities shift.

An interesting added benefit with having a baby is that its given me more leverage with students. They want to know about how we're doing and how hard it is and how I plan on raising him. Kids have very strong and powerful views about how you should raise a kid and what is right and wrong behavior. Having lil B, allows me to ask them what would be the right thing for me to do as a parent if lil B was in their position and what would be the right thing for lil B to do. Then I just transfer that to their situation. It's deep.

I also try to talk to kids as often as possible about how hard and expensive it is to have a kid. I talk to them about the lack of sleep and frustration of dealing with a crying child. I also tell them the story of when I was changing Lil B's diapers and wiping his shit covered ass. When I went around for the second wipe he shit into my hand. There I was staring at my shit covered hand and all I could think was "Goddam teenagers are assholes!" I know I was. Here parents are cleaning their shit and all they get back is attitude. So now I say to students don't shit in my hand and they get it. Here I am trying to take care of you, don't shit in my hand, cuz you ain't a baby.

babies...gotta love em!

Praxis of Restorative Justice

It's been a while since my last update. Things got a bit crazy last year. I have to say that I was happy to have it be over. Looking back, I am really happy that we started and are continuing a restorative justice program at my school. Over the summer, I taught summer school and I did 2 RJ classes. The two classes couldn't have been any more different.

The first class was with students that had been in the school last year. This class was really amazing. We got deep and I was able to connect to these students in a way that I am not normally able to do. That's one of the things that I like best about RJ is that it helps create a community. Students brought up topics and issues that we discussed as a group and it was real. When I speak to the kids in my normal speech they listen better. I thought that was important too because I am always talking to them about code switching and so they found it interesting and surprising to listen to me talk when I'm not trying to be a "teacher". The informal communal nature of it also allowed me to bust on kids in a caring but real way. I was able to express my frustrations with them and they were able to really hear me and know that what I was saying was coming from a good place. The class also allowed for us to talk about relationships and offer advice based on our experiences.

The other class was painful. It was like pulling teeth. There were some young boys coming in as freshmen and I had forgotten how young freshmen boys could be. They had very little to say and didn't have very many thoughts on issues and the topics that I would bring up. There were a couple of students that wanted to talk about the issues and topics but it quickly became a very small discussion among me and the 2 students. The rest just sat there. In short, it was painful. I was reduced to asking them very basic getting to know you type questions. Questions that I got from the book "Moving beyond icebreakers". I didn't want to do a questionnaire type class but there was very little participation and interest in really going any deeper. The students that did want to talk expressed their frustration about no one speaking...but what could they do.

Looking back at RJ at my school, I think that there needs to be some things that we do to make it more successful. First, I think that teachers need to participate more in the circles. We ran circles but we tried to have students run the circles. When students were running other students a number of times it just descended into apathy or chaos. I think when teachers are in the circles it sets a different tone and creates a different atmosphere. Students need teachers to model appropriate behavior and we have not been doing the RJ circles long enough for students to know how to act appropriately within the circles. As a result, some of our student led circles were less than successful. Second, I think that us teachers need to have RJ circles together to talk about our issues. Restorative Justice is something that all of us need not just the students. When teachers sat in and had circles together it was powerful and there was greater buy-in. The kids aren't going to buy it if we don't. Third, teachers need to start using RJ circles within their own classes and CTMs. I started to use the circles but I was the only one. I found them to be very useful and very helpful in my classes and CTM, but the other teachers didn't do them. This was weird too because everyone bought in to the idea, but what was missing was the praxis.

Self and community transformation ain't easy. It takes work. School starts tomorrow without the kids and the next week they come in. It's going to be a hard year because we are losing one of our most amazing teachers. She is leaving to take an administrative position at a middle school. I am going to miss her a lot. She is an inspiration to me and someone that I respect greatly. I marvel at her energy, rapport with students, and commitment to social justice. I am jealous of the school that is going to get her, but so happy for her because she will do amazing things with her greater position and role at the new school. Also, we are scrambling to look for another math teacher. The teacher that we had last year didn't find favor with the boss lady. She was looking to replace him but didn't tell any of the staff except the one leaving. I went into school on Friday and was told that math teachers were being interviewed. We have a staff of 8 people and we are looking for 2 new teachers. This is some fucked up shit. When I first got there it was a 4 person turnover. Things were crazy. When the math teacher came in last year in the middle of the year it was crazy. We have 2 new teachers that are going to be hazed and have to get used to the school and students that I work with. The other fucked up thing is that the math teacher doesn't know that he is being replaced. In fact, he joined us in a RJ training on Thursday.

As much as I enjoy the work that I am doing and love the staff, I am really disturbed by the system that we have. We are under-resourced and always seem to be putting out fires. If it's not one thing it's another. The teacher turnover rate is too high and we don't have the resources to keep good teachers. If I went to work at the regular old public school in my school district, I would immediately get about a $10,000 raise, more benefits, and do less work. It kind of fucking ridiculous. I love my work there, but sometimes it can be quite disheartening.

Praxis of Restorative Justice

So I've been doing circles to start and end the day in my CTM. I saw that I had to do it when one day a kid asked me what another kid's name was, but the other kid had been in my class for over a year. It was bad. There isn't a community or family atmosphere in my group. And in large part I'm the one to blame. The praxis of restorative justice forces me to change it up. I can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results. It's making me cuckoo for coco puffs.

As a part of my "getting to know you questions" I've been asking the 10 questions that James Lipton asks all of his guests. Then I started asking some from the Proust questionnaire. This has inspired other kids to start asking questions. I mean people, myself very much included, love doing the questionnaire type shit on facebook. I've spent way too much time doing the 25 Random Things about Me and 20 albums that changed my life.

I'm excited to try and create a community where one should naturally exist. I think that will be part of the key to creating a better atmosphere and school environment.

At the top of my blog, I wrote that societal ills affect the most vulnerable populations first. Even though I wrote it, I am understanding it now more than ever. The past 3 weeks have been truly crazy. One of the missions of the school is dropout prevention. But we've been kicking out kids left and right. Right now the tone and environment of the school is the worst that I have ever experienced. Talking with the principal, she was saying this is the worst that she has remembered...and she has been there 35 years. Just in the past month, we expelled 1 kid for drug dealing and being high in classes, 2 kids suspended for almost fighting, and 4 kids expelled for fighting. And I believe more expulsions are on the way. Girls are getting pregnant left and right.

As bad as it is right now, I want to believe that good will come from this. Students and staff want to make things better. We have been trained in restorative justice and this is a situation where we really need it. Kids weren't moving on having circles, but this is the light under their and our asses to make it happen. We are fortunate to have a process to deal with our situation. In response to the situations, we have had 2 student run talking circles. The one last Thursday was intense because it involved more staff and more students. I went to both of them. A lot of emotions were put out at both of them, but the Thursday one had people crying.

The stories that kids tell me about their lives boggles my mind. It often really puts my life into perspective. The things that they go through... I'm not surprised that they aren't into their education. When families are scraping to get by...it's not shocking that kids don't want to read.

But back to what I was saying about societal ills...it's the economy. The ones with the least are having to get by with even less. Funding and budgets are getting cut. People are losing their jobs. The ones that continue to work are working like slaves because they have to do the work of more people and they are happy just to have a job. People with impressive resumes are competing for jobs with people with high school degrees. People looking for just anything. People aren't buying and so businesses aren't expanding. I wonder where the bottom is.

Praxis of Justice

After my little success with circles in 3rd period, I conducted a circle in my film class. It was cool because I really got a lot more feedback from students. I don't like it when I just stand in front of a room to silence and blank stares. We talked about what was their favorite movie of all time, then about what movie they liked the best in the film class. It was interesting because students either loved Clockwork Orange or they hated it. Films that elicit a strong reaction are great for discussion. Doubt was like that most recently for me. Then my final question was, "Had they ever been in love and how did it make them feel?" After they all answered that we started watching "Eat Drink Man Woman." It was cool because the circle set them in the proper mindframe to watch the film. It's been a while since I've seen it, but watching it again was still fun. We didn't get to finish watching it that period, so it's been making me think about it. I want to talk to them about the theme /metaphor of Life without love and honest human relationships is like food without taste. Looks nice and you'll live but there is no je ne sais quoi. All that beautiful Chinese food that makes me so hungry watching it. An interesting cross cultural exchange, when the two sisters are fighting while washing dishes they don't look at each other. They stand side by side. One of my black kids yelled out why aren't they looking at each other. My Chinese student and I both at the same time yell out that it's awkward to look at each other. I notice when I speak sometimes in circle I look to the ground when talking about my feelings.

So come Thursday I wanted to do circles in all my classes. As my opening ceremony, I played a clip from "Enter the Dragon". The one where Bruce is talking to his student about Emotional Content and a finger pointing to the moon. Then I talked about the finger being the circle but the moon being justice. The finger is important in that it points but it is not the thing that is desired. In the circle, we need Emotional Content. Don't think, FEEEEEEEEL! Then from there we created the guidelines. In 1st period, I was able to do some icebreakers and then move onto content on Chinese Lunar New Year. It was cool because it engaged one of my students that is going through some crazy ass shit and she just wants to put her head down on the table. She sat up and participated in something in class.

My 2nd period was a more interesting circle. There are some children in there...and I mean children. It's the part about working with teenagers that is sooooo lame. Remember how back it the day people used to say "Oh my God, you are like soooooo immature"? Watching the interactions and behavior sometimes, just pulls that phrase from the recesses of my mind. I just want to say "pffft! WHATever!" Anyways, the idea of two talking pieces came up and my more obstinate young ladies decided that they wanted to run with it, but they did it by respecting the one talking piece and we did it in circle with each person passing and having their say. Their argument was that if they wanted to ask someone a question or respond to something someone was saying they should be able to have two talking pieces going. The argument that I've read and agree with is that the talking piece gives each person a voice, allows those that have trouble talking talk, and helps control dominant voices. If there were 2 talking pieces then things could easily descend into a back and forth shutting out all others. I said that if they had something important that they wanted to say they could either write it down as I was doing or they could just remember it. At the end of class, one of the young ladies just started saying how she knew she had a bad attitude and would go against things just to go against them. That little girl has it hard. Her story is sad. Unfortunately, she plays out her inner turmoil in classes and on the people around her, especially authority figures. On Friday we had to come back to this, but it was good because I really got a better feel and understanding for building a consensus. A consensus is something agreed upon by everyone but it's also the idea of is this something you can live with. After more rounds of trying to gain consensus, I also better understood the power of the circle as a socializing tool. More and more students that were getting impatient about the obstinate young ladies voiced their opinions on the importance of one mic. This changed the attitude of the girls as they saw that the community was getting restless and they decided to drop the idea of two mics. But the group did agree on suspending the talking pieces and using the terms, "clarify" and "louder" when someone had spoke. Those could be interjected between bowl passing.

The circle worked well for my second period class because that was the class were I had the students with the most behavioral problems. It's the class that needs to build the most community. Through building the community, then we can all become accountable for each other's learning.

Getting trained in restorative justice circles

So on Sunday and Monday I got trained in restorative justice circles. I trained with my staff and 7 students. Unfortunately, 2 of my coworkers, my principal, and one student weren't able to make it but we'll get them up to speed. If you've ever done workshops or trainings often times they suck. You come out of them feeling like you just wasted a whole bunch of time and what do you do now. This training was completely the opposite.

Before we did the training, my coworker Gina and I identified 8 students that we would like to have trained in restorative justice. These were kids from various backgrounds that had "bought" into our school and we felt could reach students of different backgrounds. Then I composed a letter essentially honoring the students for being chosen, explained what restorative justice was, and created a permission slip for their parents to sign. Then I met with all the students read the letter to them and stressed how important this was and if this was something that they wanted to be a part of. Each student was very excited and flattered to be chosen. This was the buy in on their part. No problem. Then I had to convince my coworkers. Getting them to come in on a Sunday and Monday for a training from 8:30-5 was not something that they wanted to do, but they begrudgingly came along with me telling them how much I loved them and how great they were. A few gave me that "kiss my ass for sucking up to me" look.

So come Sunday, we get there and we immediately start in on getting to know you activities. Real fun icebreaker stuff that everyone that's ever done a workshop/training has done. Then we move into other activities where we ranked our top values on a paper plate and wrote our most important value on the other side. The whole time these activities are being conducted using circles. These activities got us through most of the day and towards the end of the day is when we got to the heavier shit. We started to talk about the impact of harm and the an example of when we were harmed and what are needs were after that harmed happened. Then we talked about a time when we did someone harm and what we needed that led us to committing that harm. It was some heavy ass shit. I mean people got deep and dirty, but the facilitators had done such a great job with creating a safe, respectful, and trusting space that people went there. We had people crying and letting out some shit. At the end of the first day I was wiped out. Two of my coworkers drove me home and we hung out afterwards and just talked about the experience. I was elated because they were all into it. They totally got it and they wanted more of it. After they left I just passed out. No more energy.

Come Monday, people were excited to be back and we wanted to get to the nuts and bolts of it. How can we make this happen. This time the facilitators gave us this exercise that we had to do in silence with blocks. I had read about the exercise in Carole Boyes-Watson's book, but only after having experienced it and only now as I process it, do I start to understand the subtle brilliance in it. It was a fascinating sociological experiment on the dynamics of human relationships through silence. After this exercise, we discussed it and then moved into talking about the history of circles and different uses for circles. The final thing we did was plan on making a circle for a fictious case example. We did this paired with students and their perspective was invaluable. It really fleshed out a lot of things. After this, we discussed it and there was a closing ceremony.

In my 3rd period today, I conducted a circle in class. I saw this as a community building circle. So I explained to them the format of the circle and what the talking piece was (I used a singing bowl). As a centerpiece to the circle, I had my plant sitting on a nice shawl. As an opening, I played Bob Marley's War. My first question was how were they and how was their 3 day weekend. After that, I asked them to answer, "They felt respected when..." next asking, "They felt disrespected when..." Then I had them say something they liked about the school followed by something they didn't like about the school. Next they said something they liked about their hometown and something they would change about it. The last series of questions being something they would change about themselves and something they like about themselves. Finally, I had them stand up and then go around telling what they thought about the exercise and putting their questions next to the centerpiece. Almost every single one enjoyed the experience and many stated that it was a calming experience. Immediate success I'm hooked.

One of the things that I like about this is that this is the praxis of my views on justice. I don't like the punitive system. It's not what I believe in but it's all that I've ever known. I realize now the punitive system is also the easiest of responses and a bandage solution. I recognize of course that there is a time and place for a bandage, but I'm trying to move to where knives won't have to be drawn in the first place and how to get back to that place after someone does draw a knife.

Compassion and restorative justice

In case you didn't know, I should tell you that I'm a vegetarian. I started doing it as a religious thing. It's a compassion training thing. I figured working where I was going to work...I should have more compassion. More empathy ain't bad either.

But I don't feel that I have had the opportunity to express my compassion through the system of punishment at my school. When students get less than an 8 on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, or Friday on their contracts, they have that many hours loaded up in detention. You get a 3 then you have 5 hours. I make my kids do them. You can't have no accountability. If I want something different I've got to have something to replace it with. My problem with our system is that it is just a form of punishment. It doesn't make the person not want to do what they were doing, it just makes them not want to get punished for it.

I would like restorative justice to transform me. I'm hoping the process will be the tool to create the type of social environment and community that I want to be a member of. Restorative justice requires me to change my own mentality. Of course, the irony is that for it to be successful, the qualities that it requires from me are the ones that I need to work on the most. You know, things like listening and patience, and shit like that.

Last week Tuesday I went to see this guy Howard Zehr. He's this guy that's been involved in restorative justice for a while. He talked about the stories of victims. It was some heavy ass shit. Made me really rethink the way that I do things. Too often I focus on the offender to the neglect of the offended. His talk made me think about all the ways that I handled interactions in ways that weren't in line with my core values and beliefs. I have found in my life that when I my values and my actions are in harmony my mental state is as well. The more I move towards praxis the greater the self integration the greater my personal peace. I am hoping for some restorative justice for my self and greater peace. Either way, I feel going through the process of trying to make this work will be purifying for me.