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This is a picture taken on a river in Brazil. The rainforest is fine. No one worry. This is actually quite sad because this is just a big spontaneous mass fish suicide. It's a little known fact that rainforest fish suffer from bouts of depression. They are sad fish. What can you do?
I can't wait till 2008 because this has to be the most corrupt administration since Ulysses S. Grant. Cronyism is alive and well. I'll say this for Bush...he has got his friends' back. If you're in tight with George he will back you up. Ain't shit going to happen to Kenneth Lay. A fucking presidential pardon wouldn't surprise me at all. I can fucking respect that to some degree. I think it's that honor among thieves idea.
Bush has also done an incredible job uniting the world. Yes, much of that world is uniting against us, but it is uniting. I think South America is where the most interesting action is happening in the world. All these left wing leaders coming into power is really exciting. I think the most exciting was Evo Morales. I mean that man's face is straight indigenous. I think it's great that he's also a part of coca leaf federation.
Then there is Hugo Chavez who is causing the US fits. He has invigorated the majority of poor Venezuelans. Politics will never be the same there. The people know that they have power. The oil and huge US demand gives more money and power to Chavez who can them implement policies that work against US imperialism in South America. Operation Miracle is a brilliant PR move for Chavez and Castro. I really don't like the fact that he's setting himself up to be in the post for a long ass time. I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to pull a Fidel and become a lifer.
I woke up this morning and all I could think was "Do I really have to go to school???" I had kids falling asleep in class and just tired. Shit I was tired. I was used to staying up late and just chilling in the morning. The end of this week will be the halfway point for the quarter. Meaning I'm halfway to being done for the year. Sweet Jesus thank you!!!
I'm fucked cause I still have to make up some work in some credentialling classes and I'm totally burned out with the shit. I don't want to do anything. Most of it is just mindless busy work to me. This is real bad too cause I'm pretty much at the end. I have to dig deep and make myself do shit cause the semester is coming to an end. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! I'm like one of my students.
I made students write that they were to bring their final project work on Friday or they would get a four. They wrote it with their own hands. So 3 things could essentially happen. They will come with their work, they will ditch class, or they will just come with nothing. I'm interested in seeing the proportion.
So every quarter it's about which class is going to be the lagger class. I have to recognize that and not get so pissed by them. This quarter it's my 2nd period. What a fucking lame social dynamics that class has. It's fucking painfully awkward sometimes. And it's not so much individual kids... it's about the perfect combination to maximize stupidity. Kind of a whole is greater than the sum of its parts stupidity.
I have these one group of girls that I've nicknamed the Voltron of Stupidity. Each by themselves ain't bad. But when they get together and their powers combine. Watch out! What cracks me up is that the nickname has stuck with other staff members. Now they refer to them as that. This is a group of mean-spirited, fat, and ugly girls. I hate to be mean and shit, but that' s exactly what they are. They fuck with each other and get the others to take turns hating a person. It fucked up, catty shit.
The first philosophy that I ever got into was Daoism. I think that was because my dad was always talking about Confucianism. Anyways, what I always liked about Daoism was that it sought balance and harmony in one's life and relation to the universe. But I've never been balanced and perhaps that is why I liked it so much. I'm obsessive-compulsive man. I've been so caught up with work that I've been neglecting myself. It's pretty unhealthy. It's very easy to get too wrapped up in teaching. There is always something else you can do. So I've got to learn to put limits on myself. At least I'm not working 16 hour days anymore.
So to take care of myself I've got a workout plan at the gym I'm at. I'm going to learn to rockclimb (It's nonviolent and non competitive). I went to my master massage therapist. Lady has skills and is strong. I went to the dermatologist (cause my skin freaks out under stress). I went to the therapist (cause I want to deal with my shit and not be unhappy anymore). Next week I'm going to the allergist.
2 years ago I was in a major depression. Shit put my life in a standstill. I couldn't manage or deal. It was real bad. As I've come out of it, I realize that I don't ever want to go through that shit again. So now I'm trying to put things place in so I won't go through that shit again. I've also learned that I've got the low grade depression shit going on. So I've got to manage that to make sure it doesn't get to be the major one.
Life is funny. I'm the happiest I've ever been. I love my job. I love my wife and our marriage. Many things are really good. But yet this low grade depression still brings me down. It's like always having a weighted down burka on. I want the unfettered happiness that I deserve.
So on Saturday I went to my first quinceanera. A student in one of my classes invited me. It was exciting cause I'd never been to one before and it also gave me the opportunity to interact with my students in a different situation. That sounded clinical. I just wanted to go and hang out and have some fun. It was cool I hung out with a bunch of the fathers and drank some tequila. Then my coworker Joseph came and we hung out. It was a modest affair but still obviously cost a good chunk of change. I felt bad for one of my CTM girls cause she said she wasn't having one cause it was too expensive. She was making all these arguments about it not being practical, but I could tell that she was bummed. But the party was held in the back parking lot of the apartment complex they lived at. Blue tarps were put over areas to create cover. Food was served in a shed. But more importantly there was love and family all around. The thought of being at a family event chills me to the bone. It wouldn't be a happy fun occasion with people hanging out and drinking. It would be tense or uncomfortable. Whenever I hang out with more normal families it's nice.
The cake was this big 3 tiered cake with a fountain under it. Connected to it by plastic stairs were two smaller 2 tiered cakes. Shit was way nicer than my wedding cake...but not as tasty. But there was a time also when she danced with all these different men and people called for me to dance with her too. Man I was bad. Even with the slow beat everyone looking at me just made me really self conscious and awkward. It was like when I was in junior high. LOL!
