WTF!!!

So I was talking to my World Cultures 2 class about the interwar period. I was going to show them some surrealist art and talk some about existentialist philosophy, jazz, and that kine shit. My anticipatory set was to talk about the disillusionment that people felt having to dealing with all that violence, then using that as the segue to the artistic and philosophical responses that it generated. Knowing the violence that many of my students are confronted with in the "outside" world, I asked them to raise their hand if they had lost someone as a result of violence. MOTHERFUCKING more than half the class raised their hands. I was fucking blown away. The reality of it didn't even really sink in until this weekend. The shit is just straight wrong. I walked by the TV at the gym and there was another deadly shooting in the gym this weekend. My friend informs me that this summer is expected to be particularly bloody as many gang members get released from jail for the sweeps that were done last year. It's low intensity warfare going on in the inner city streets and it's fucking up the kids that grow up in it. You know it's bad when kids just think that that is the way it is.

Bay to Breakers

The annual Bay Area run, drink, and dress up fest. My only gripe... too many naked men not enough naked women. The fascists tried to stop alcohol and nudity, but you can't break a tradition now. Ultimately, they just let it go as well they should. No one hurting anyone and no one getting hurt. I haven't drank alcohol that early in a long time.

Signing statements

This shit just came to my attention maybe about a month ago. I was watching Amy Goodman and she brought it up. Signing statements. Motherfucking signing statements. Little disclaimers on the bills that Bush signs. Little fingers crossed. I'll do the photo op but reject the bill. Brilliant. It's so fucking shady as hell, but it's brilliant. What is the Republican Congress going to do to Bush? Nothing. There isn't a chance in hell the Republicans will ever impeach Bush for Iraq or anything else and anyone with half a brain knows it. Party unity and allegiance is triumphing over separation of powers. Bush is using the Constitution as toilet paper. I watched Schoolhouse Rock. The talking bill never said anything about signing statements. Democrats don't even have enough stones to censure the president. The control of Parliament by the Conservative and Labor Party excludes other voices and aggrandizes the King.

Testing and shit

Testing has been throwing everything off. The bell schedule is completely different. I get there early to prepare bagel and cream cheese donations to the students. A lot of them don't get to eat breakfast so it gets hard to concentrate during the day. The food will pick them up. They need to do well on these high stakes tests so that the school and district will get more money. More than half of my students get free or reduced lunches. I'm working with this cool chick Nora to try and bring better food to the school. The shit they send now is fucking nasty. I won't touch the shit. I mean it's good that the kids get food at all, but I still wish it was better for them. Ideally I would like vegetarian food, but I'd take any improvement in the overall quality.

I think one of the things that bothers me the most about the US is that we don't take care of kids. It's not right to me that the economic situation of the parents should in any way determine the child's access to good health care. You can't fucking choose your family. It bothers me that so many of my students are completely inured to their violent existence. Kids can't go and have fun at a party without worrying about violence. Columbine shit happening. My school getting robbed and being all run down. Then everyone fucking scratching their heads as to what's going on with the kids. The kids are fine. It's the adults that are letting them down.

Working at my school makes me reflect and compare my own high school experience. I never had to dealt with gang violence. When school was done I got to go to martial arts classes or something. If I was just hanging out with my friends, we'd end up doing something stupid cause it sounded like a good idea. But nothing ever really seriously crazy.

Being around my students has taught me a lot about gangs and the gang mentality. I see the allure of joining gangs. In a dangerous and violent environment, it's importantly to know that there are people that got your back in case shit goes down. I got this one student whose mom arranged for him to get jumped into the gang. Mom is a gang member. Kid didn't know he was getting jumped in and he can't get out. He feels trapped in his life and so he drinks until he blacks out. The part he blacks out on is when he's doing his stupidest shit. He's a great fucking kid. Smart but can't get out of the vida loca.

Shout out to my young right wing conservative

I had the honor of having my blog visited by a young right wing conservative that calls herself conservativekat. She's fourteen years old and quite the writer. Check her out.

My goal... to turn her away from the dark side of the force and to have her embrace the true message of Christ (the left wing ultra liberal one where he takes care of the indigent). I'd like for her to use her powers for good and not for empire. But, I can't hate on her because when I was her age I said all kinds of outrageous stuff. So hopefully she'll grow out of it too.

I'm going to need a catchy name for this operation. You know like the Bush administration had OIL: Operation Iraqi Liberation. I need something catchy just like that. Operation Prodigal Daughter Returns? Operation Conservative Reform? Operation Matrix Deprogramming? I'll come up with something....

Steven Colbert has big brass balls

Steven Colbert has got some major balls. He roasts the president at the White House Correspondents' dinner with Bush a only a few feet away from him. It's fucking brilliant and you have to see it If you haven't seen it... you must!

May 1st

So I walked today in the May 1st protest marches. It was really cool to see everyone out there supporting. I made up a sign that said, "I'M CHINESE, BIG WALLS DON'T WORK!!!" Lots of people liked the sign and took a bunch of pictures of me. Then I got interviewed by David Louie for the local channel 7 news broadcast. It was fucking great! My precious seconds of fame. Then when I was at the gym I saw myself on tv. I must get a video copy of my brief interview and my sign, then I'll post it up...well I found a part of the interview in text, but I can't seem to pull up the video. Damn them!!!

DO NOT WORRY!

This is a picture taken on a river in Brazil. The rainforest is fine. No one worry. This is actually quite sad because this is just a big spontaneous mass fish suicide. It's a little known fact that rainforest fish suffer from bouts of depression. They are sad fish. What can you do?

Political thoughts

I can't wait till 2008 because this has to be the most corrupt administration since Ulysses S. Grant. Cronyism is alive and well. I'll say this for Bush...he has got his friends' back. If you're in tight with George he will back you up. Ain't shit going to happen to Kenneth Lay. A fucking presidential pardon wouldn't surprise me at all. I can fucking respect that to some degree. I think it's that honor among thieves idea.

Bush has also done an incredible job uniting the world. Yes, much of that world is uniting against us, but it is uniting. I think South America is where the most interesting action is happening in the world. All these left wing leaders coming into power is really exciting. I think the most exciting was Evo Morales. I mean that man's face is straight indigenous. I think it's great that he's also a part of coca leaf federation.

Then there is Hugo Chavez who is causing the US fits. He has invigorated the majority of poor Venezuelans. Politics will never be the same there. The people know that they have power. The oil and huge US demand gives more money and power to Chavez who can them implement policies that work against US imperialism in South America. Operation Miracle is a brilliant PR move for Chavez and Castro. I really don't like the fact that he's setting himself up to be in the post for a long ass time. I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to pull a Fidel and become a lifer.

I woke up this morning and all I could think was "Do I really have to go to school???" I had kids falling asleep in class and just tired. Shit I was tired. I was used to staying up late and just chilling in the morning. The end of this week will be the halfway point for the quarter. Meaning I'm halfway to being done for the year. Sweet Jesus thank you!!!

I'm fucked cause I still have to make up some work in some credentialling classes and I'm totally burned out with the shit. I don't want to do anything. Most of it is just mindless busy work to me. This is real bad too cause I'm pretty much at the end. I have to dig deep and make myself do shit cause the semester is coming to an end. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! I'm like one of my students.

I made students write that they were to bring their final project work on Friday or they would get a four. They wrote it with their own hands. So 3 things could essentially happen. They will come with their work, they will ditch class, or they will just come with nothing. I'm interested in seeing the proportion.

So every quarter it's about which class is going to be the lagger class. I have to recognize that and not get so pissed by them. This quarter it's my 2nd period. What a fucking lame social dynamics that class has. It's fucking painfully awkward sometimes. And it's not so much individual kids... it's about the perfect combination to maximize stupidity. Kind of a whole is greater than the sum of its parts stupidity.

I have these one group of girls that I've nicknamed the Voltron of Stupidity. Each by themselves ain't bad. But when they get together and their powers combine. Watch out! What cracks me up is that the nickname has stuck with other staff members. Now they refer to them as that. This is a group of mean-spirited, fat, and ugly girls. I hate to be mean and shit, but that' s exactly what they are. They fuck with each other and get the others to take turns hating a person. It fucked up, catty shit.

Taking a break

The first philosophy that I ever got into was Daoism. I think that was because my dad was always talking about Confucianism. Anyways, what I always liked about Daoism was that it sought balance and harmony in one's life and relation to the universe. But I've never been balanced and perhaps that is why I liked it so much. I'm obsessive-compulsive man. I've been so caught up with work that I've been neglecting myself. It's pretty unhealthy. It's very easy to get too wrapped up in teaching. There is always something else you can do. So I've got to learn to put limits on myself. At least I'm not working 16 hour days anymore.

So to take care of myself I've got a workout plan at the gym I'm at. I'm going to learn to rockclimb (It's nonviolent and non competitive). I went to my master massage therapist. Lady has skills and is strong. I went to the dermatologist (cause my skin freaks out under stress). I went to the therapist (cause I want to deal with my shit and not be unhappy anymore). Next week I'm going to the allergist.

2 years ago I was in a major depression. Shit put my life in a standstill. I couldn't manage or deal. It was real bad. As I've come out of it, I realize that I don't ever want to go through that shit again. So now I'm trying to put things place in so I won't go through that shit again. I've also learned that I've got the low grade depression shit going on. So I've got to manage that to make sure it doesn't get to be the major one.

Life is funny. I'm the happiest I've ever been. I love my job. I love my wife and our marriage. Many things are really good. But yet this low grade depression still brings me down. It's like always having a weighted down burka on. I want the unfettered happiness that I deserve.

Mi primero quinceanera

So on Saturday I went to my first quinceanera. A student in one of my classes invited me. It was exciting cause I'd never been to one before and it also gave me the opportunity to interact with my students in a different situation. That sounded clinical. I just wanted to go and hang out and have some fun. It was cool I hung out with a bunch of the fathers and drank some tequila. Then my coworker Joseph came and we hung out. It was a modest affair but still obviously cost a good chunk of change. I felt bad for one of my CTM girls cause she said she wasn't having one cause it was too expensive. She was making all these arguments about it not being practical, but I could tell that she was bummed. But the party was held in the back parking lot of the apartment complex they lived at. Blue tarps were put over areas to create cover. Food was served in a shed. But more importantly there was love and family all around. The thought of being at a family event chills me to the bone. It wouldn't be a happy fun occasion with people hanging out and drinking. It would be tense or uncomfortable. Whenever I hang out with more normal families it's nice.

The cake was this big 3 tiered cake with a fountain under it. Connected to it by plastic stairs were two smaller 2 tiered cakes. Shit was way nicer than my wedding cake...but not as tasty. But there was a time also when she danced with all these different men and people called for me to dance with her too. Man I was bad. Even with the slow beat everyone looking at me just made me really self conscious and awkward. It was like when I was in junior high. LOL!

Marching

So my coworker Jeff and I took a bunch of our students on the protest march that has been happening. But you know what. The truth is that I'm tired of all these illegal Canadians. Motherfuckers coming and taking jobs from hard working Americans. Fucking Canucks are all up in Hollywood and the music industry. Those jobs belong to Americans Goddammit! Jim Carrey... Canadian. Keanu Reeves... Canadian. Pamela Anderson... Canadian. The list goes on. Sometimes they can blend in cause they look a lot like white Americans. But they have infiltrated our pristine American soil and I'm angry. You have to listen carefully to their accent. They will slip in an "eh" or "hoser". I propose that the Minutemen patrol the Canadian border to stop the influx of these illegal Canadians. I'm disgusted by those people with their ways. They need to go back to where they came from!!!

Worse than grading and scheduling???

I hate grading. It's fucking lame. I recently came upon the realization though that I hate scheduling even more. However, now I know something that I hate even more than grading and scheduling. It's updating student folders. Figuring out their credits and GPA. The shit drives me fucking crazy. Luckily I found a gpa calculator that will also do cumulative gpa. God bless the internet because doing that shit by hand was driving me crazy. Plus if I don't add that shit up right then I can fuck up a student's chances for graduating and all that. No fucking pressure there.

I realized though part of why I hate it so much. It shouldn't be my fucking job. I shouldn't be doing folders and I shouldn't be doing scheduling. I knew what I was signing up for, but oftentimes I feel like it's too much. This shit isn't in the teacher description. This is the job of a counselor. SHIT SHIT SHIT!!! I'm a CTM. Counselor, teacher and mentor. FUCK! I have this strange desire to hate the letter C now. But I can't cause it's for cookie.

Classroom Dynamics

It's really funny how different personalities change classroom dynamics. I'm right now teaching 2 sections of World Cultures 1 and in both I did a simulation exercise where students were trapped on a desert island and had to create a community set of rules.

The first class was very calm and people raised their hands and were very communal oriented. There are a couple of outspoken conscious black girls that were taking the lead in the class and helping figure out things. Things went well and they accomplished everything they were supposed to by the end of the class time.

The second class was hilarious. It was the Lord of the Flies. A student took the lead and proclaimed herself the captain. She was telling people what they were going to do and gave "permission" to people to do things. Then another student wanted to break away and make a boat and legalize drugs. Then another student wanted to know about sex and how that would be handled. It was hilarious. At one point a student said something and I just lost my shit and started laughing. It was totally hilarious. By sitting back and watching I learned a lot about student personalities.

The things classes had in common were also interesting. Both classes said cutting off limbs would be a form of punishment. It was kind of gruesome.They also both divided labor along gender lines. That was a trip. But I guess it's all part of the colonized mindset. But other than the classroom dynamics were totally different.

Interestingly, one student that is on the fast track to dropping out really got sparked by this simulation. The guy was debating and was the person taking the lead on arguing for people to make a boat. It was cool cause most of the time he is just sitting there spaced out and not doing anything. It gave me some fucking hope for him. He's got it rough, cause he's got a learning disability and is pretty immature. Then on top of that he is lazy. My coworker said it best, "he starts off slow and then tapers off!"

1 fucking year!

So yesterday was one fucking year. I'm no longer fresh meat. I'm a sophomore. Looking back at where I was a year ago...fucking shit. I've more or less got my style down. Now it's just about filling it with content. I'm the less well known function following form. I've got classroom persona Dave. Hello children! (now Isaac Hayes gets indignant???)

But I started off all my classes with students doing a journal write describing a time when they planned out an activity. Then I gave points to students that shared. From that I emphasized and drew from them about what it takes to plan out an event. Through that I explained metacognition. My 3rd period had a great example with a student recalling a time when he snuck a whole bunch of people into the ice rink and movies. It was a perfect example of metacognition though not of legality. But it really made the kids get it. I find that teaching this works better putting it in context. And that is my goal. I must put things into context for kids. This is how they learn best. Give them something they can relate to in their everyday lives. They need to draw the connections themselves. This is the beauty and the bane of the pedagogy. You can only point the way and sometimes it don't even matter if you do that. Then I told students the day that we were going to have a test and had them make a metacognitive plan to remember the information. Finally, I had them write exit cards telling me what metacognition meant, what the 3 basic elements were, and a question or two from each of the elements. I didn't expect anyone to get all of them, but I wanted them force them to recall something. This worked waaaay better than the first time I taught this.

CTM is crazy. I got 19 kids to watch over now. A lot of personalities to handle. Every single one of them with their own idiosyncrasies and baggage.

Worse than grades???

I've figured out something in teaching that I hate worse than grades. It's scheduling. At my school we don't have an administration staff that schedules students into classes. It's all on the teacher. So I have to get all the students credits up to date and schedule them for classes. It's a paperwork mess. Then to go through all that shit and have a kid get mad with me cause they don't like the classes they have... it totally sucks shit. We've also had to create independent study programs for students out of the blue. Apparently the state said that we didn't have enough instructional minutes. Independent study gives us some relief from the instructional minutes. But it's just more to plan for. The past two weeks we've had meetings almost everyday. Reefuckingdickulous. I'm on meeting overload. The level of organization and coordination is practically nonexistent. So I can't focus on my main task of teaching because I have to deal with the other tasks of administration. I hate to say it but the staff isn't getting the support from the office in terms of administration. Discipline isn't a problem and that is what holds the school together. The tone is also set by the office. But beyond discipline and tone, the office isn't doing it's job. Don't get me wrong. I love the people that I work with. I think they are a great bunch of people, but I don't think I'm getting the office is fulfilling all of its duties.

Now we've started a new quarter. And tomorrow is officially a year at my school. FUCK YEAH! What a killer crazy first year! But what a learning experience. Darwin said, "It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change." I'm adapting the best that I can and feel like I'm starting to float. In the beginning I was sinking. Then I started to bob. Now I feel like I'm floating. Hopefully soon I'll be able to tread water. I'm not even at the point of thinking about swimming yet.

Doing too much

When I get on my students to do things they don't want to do one of the things they like to say is that I'm doing too much. I've taken to heading them off by saying, "I'm told that I do too much." Then I tell them what to do. This usually elicits a smile from them and then they drag their feet and do it. Or I say, "you're not doing enough."

But lately I'm agreeing with them. I feel like I'm doing too much. I let students make up work at the end of the quarter and this ends up with me having to do a ton of work. All last week we had finals schedules and then we did meetings. Meetings to figure out our new independent study schedule. Meetings to shuffle students for scheduling. Time to call parents to set up meetings for this coming week. Figuring out scheduling for all my CTM. There has to be a fucking computer program for this shit. Jeremy and I are making this our summer project.

Start of a new quarter. I'm teaching 2 classes of World Cultures I and one class of World Cultures II. I was supposed to have a prep period but the English guy was cut from staff. He wasn't able to control the students and was constantly getting dissed. I'm happy cause that guy would piss me off all the time. Whenever we'd go out for drinks I'd see how he really was. Alcohol can show the true self sometimes. But the way that he looked down on kids it's no wonder they didn't like him.

Another fucking break in

So... school got broken into again this weekend. That makes 4 times in less than a year that we've been broken into. This time the crooks broke windows to get into classes. There's glass everywhere and we are waiting for the police to come and do prints. This must be a different person this time though, since windows were broken instead of doors just being opened. They stole the new computers we got. Luckily, I put my computer in the locked down computer lab.

Reflection

The week after this is finals week. Then we start a new quarter. Hopefully I can do a better job next quarter than I did this quarter. I recognize that this is my first year but I really feel sorry for the kids that had to have me this year. I know that I didn't really do well for them. It is good that I've created positive relations with students but they also need the history. It was good that I got some curriculum to use too. Now I can mix the curriculum and the textbook along with outside readings. Though I'm not a big fan of the textbook it does have the facts and information that they need. I noticed that my quality of teaching is directly related to how much schooling I'm doing. Meaning that I was a better teacher when I wasn't in my credentialling classes. I had more time to devote to teaching, grading, and all the other crap.

Things haven't been so great for me lately. My work life, personal life, and academic life have all been suffering because I am overworked, overstressed, and burning out. Stress makes everything worse and feel more intense. So now I'm not doing well in 3 things and don't have the time or energy to make one of them better. Like Bilbo Baggins would say, "Why, I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean: like butter that has been scraped over too much bread." If it wasn't for AL I'd be a total wreck.