Serendipity

I just wanna...dance!!!

2010-02-25T21:23:00.000-08:00

I still got work to do to make people happy. I was talking to my Native American coworker, BY, about how to make this situation about the circles better with the Native community and our students. One of the we decided to do was not talk to the students because we don't want to put them in the middle of it. Good call by everyone else. In my stupid exuberance, I started to talk to some of the kids that had written letters and explain my position and try to allay any fears or reservations they might have. Anyways, he says that I should talk to the one of the mothers of our students that is an alumni and an activist in the local Native community. Also to talk to two members of the community that work with the school and our students.

We get to talking some more and I find out more of what is ruffling feathers in the Native community. Apparently there was a RJ training that happened at a hotel located at the desecrated Shellmound site in Emeryville. Ouch! Also, BY again brought up some lady that the organization said was sundancer, sweat lodge keeper and a leader in the Native community that the local Natives didn't know. This is the lady that he said gave him that Ward Churchill feel (Local Natives here question Churchill's Nativeness I'm making up words here) I was also getting the vibe that why was the RJ organization outsourcing when there is a Native community here doing circles and a relationship hadn't been built here. I think that right now we're under a microscope and everything that is done is being hyperexamined and scrutinized. Then there is the inevitability of the "telephone game" where things get embellished or misconstrued.

To make things whole again, we gotta have a a sitdown and talk to some people. All I want to do is have restorative justice for my students and the people around me. But we fucked up the execution of the process and pissed off some people that hold the circle really sacred. If I could get to the restorative part without circles I'd do it. I'll do whatever is necessary to get some RJ. Stand on one leg and hop? What you want? But this issue of cultural appropriation and sensitivity is bigger than me and I have to help be a bridge between the local Native community and the RJ organization. Also, we got to make it right for our Native students at the school. I just want to get back to the process of helping students get to that restorative justice place. Circles are a process towards liberation for me and it drives me crazy that everything can't be smoother. This is meta-restorative justice. Our RJ needs some RJ!

Circles now called community dialogue

2010-02-21T15:45:00.000-08:00

So on Friday my coworker, LS, ran the staff circle. It was attended by JC, GB, NL, CFG, and me. I have to say that LS did a great job running that circle. She started off reading a poem called Wild Geese and then we did the check in. Along with how we are doing she asked what did we want to be when we were younger. Me...I wanted to be Curly from the 3 Stooges. When I was in elementary school I was Curly Crazy. I would rush home from school to watch the Stooges and I could imitate all of Curly's noises and gesture. "I'm a victim of circumstance!" "Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk" "OH Wise Guy!"

So the big topic was talking about what was going on with RJ and what were we going to call the circles if we weren't going to call them circles anymore. I conveyed my talk with BY to the staff and how he would be ok if we just called the circles something else. As I've said before, I'm fine with calling it whatever as long as we can do them. We went around discussing how we felt about the change and what was going on at our school. People voiced their displeasure about having to change things. In particular, JC thought it was bullshit that we had to change anything and thought it was lame that we had to use different terminology. CFG commented that her job was tied to restorative justice and in particular with circles as the process to get there. GB understood where BY was coming from and said what I've said before that this is a bellwether of things to come. The Native students that we work with are part of the Native community in this area. We have to make sure that the relationship between the Native Community and us are cool. When the talking piece got back to me, I actually found myself in the ironic position of defending BY and the native students' views. This is something sacred to the students and BY and we need to be sensitive to that, especially considering the history of the US and Native Americans. With the history of genocide and assimilation, we don't need to be viewed as appropriating their culture for our uses. For as much talk as I do about oppression, I don't want to be oppressive. One of the better quotes I've read recently is, "One does not need to denigrate that which is holy to others, in order to emphasise the sanctity of the freedom of speech." (Undskyld Muhammed) from a facebook page apologizing for the Danish cartoons about the Prophet Muhammed. We want to be restorative, but we're not doing restorative justice when we face a situation where we are being oppressive to others. This discussion lasted two rounds with everyone having their say about the situation.

After hearing where we were at, we decided to talk about what our new name for the circle process would be. GB really wanted the term "community" in the name and I wanted something like forum or dialogue. LS synthesized our ideas and now the new name is community dialogue. The talking piece we will call the one mic and we will actually have to figure out what we will call our circlekeepers.

LS ended the dialogue with asking us what got us into doing the work that we are doing and to share a story. Interestingly, GB, LS, and CFG all got into things by first doing prison work. NL had a family history of math teachers so it just seemed genetically fitting. Me? I got into doing this thing while working at an afterschool program. I was running my promotional items business and started doing an afterschool thing because the business was sucking my soul dry. I found that when I was working with the kids I was happy and joyful and I felt my interactions had meaning. The kids were happy to see me, gave me hugs, and I loved what I was doing. Why ever then did I go to teach high school?

A shitty day with a good ending

2010-02-17T22:19:00.000-08:00

So Tuesday was a shitty day. I was tired and my classes sucked. Student energy was low and so was I. So 3:30 comes around and I am ready to get the fuck outta Dodge. As I'm sitting in the office, I strike up a conversation with BY my Native American coworker. I asked him if his position on RJ circles was set in stone or was there wriggle room. Backstory: He didn't like the way that circles were being done at the school and he had gotten complaints from the Native students as well. As a result, he did not want to participate in circles anymore. Knowing that he had collected letters of complaint from the Native students, I asked to read the letters. All the students described the disrespectful nature of the circles and unhappiness that they weren't being done correctly. I stated that I agreed with the students and that we had stopped doing our weekly CTM circles as a result. Now we were doing voluntary circles more in line with the philosophy of restorative justice. I said that we needed to talk to the Native students and find out how they felt now that we had changed up the way that we did our circles. Yet, BY still had reservations.

I probed him more to find out his problems with our circles. I come to find out that he participates frequently in circles and that he was even married in a circle. For him, circles are a religious ceremony and he expects to be smudged and pass the pipe around. I noted to him that I would feel uncomfortable doing that. Also, he was having some problems with our RJ coordinator, CFG. He preferred our previous coordinator and the person that trained us, RA. He felt that she did circles with an appropriate amount of ceremony and solemnity. I agreed with him that RA was a very effective and good circlekeeper and coordinator, but that CFG also had things to offer. I stated that I think the problem was that CFG had some big shoes to fill and that she had come to the school when the program was being very poorly run. CFG's style is vastly different from RA and it wasn't fair to judge her based on RA. I would say that RA's style of circle keeping is more like a conductor while CFG is more like an emcee. Both have their places, but I understood that people preferred the RA's style and experience. I recognized and validated his concerns with CFG, but reiterated my support for her.

However, I expressed my strong commitment to restorative justice and my belief in it. He agreed with me that RJ was a great thing but he didn't like the way that we were doing circles. I told him that I believed that circles were a means to an end. I used the Buddhist quote of Buddhism being a raft to cross a river but that once you crossed the river you discarded the raft. I also used Bruce Lee's quote from Enter the Dragon, "It is like a finger pointing to the moon, don't concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory." To me, circles are just a finger pointing to the moon and not the end itself. To me it was just a practice to actuate my values and beliefs. What matters most to me is the effect that circles have on the students and not necessarily circles themselves. I gave him the example of the student BC that we just had a circle with and how he was able to sit still and respectfully for 2 hours. Circles helped to create the environment where he was able to do that. I believe that circles create a space where people can experience true democracy, egalitarianism, right modeling of appropriate behavior and accountability. I asked him what should we do instead if he believed in RJ but wasn't down with circles. He brought up something that one Native student said, "Why don't we just call it squares?" I said I'll sit in a square, ellipse, oval, or whatever. I asked if we just called it a forum would that be better. He said that if we did that he would feel better about it.

What was so important was that we can continue with the restorative justice work at the school we just were going to call it something else. Names are important. If calling the same thing something else makes BY happy then I am happy to do it. We can call the talking piece the one mic whatever. Let's just get restored.

BC's circle

2010-02-16T01:33:00.000-08:00

On Thursday the 11th, we had another circle for one male African American student, BC. BC is a great kid. Dynamic, positive, loud, with a lot of leadership qualities. However, he lacks a lot of self control and as a result is a disruption to classes and himself. I wanted to have a circle for him because his unwanted and sometimes wanted advances from our girls was going to get him into trouble. His interactions with females are totally inappropriate for a school environment and will get himself thrown out if his behavior doesn't change.

Before the circle happened, BC was experiencing a lot of anxiety. He was feeling that it was going to be a bashing thing and that he was going to yelled at or called out. He was trying what he could to get out of it. Finally, I just talked to to him directly and told him that it was voluntary and that he didn't have to go to it if he didn't want to but I wanted him to. We have a good rapport and so when he was assured by me that it was going to be cool he showed up. AV and JC from staff showed up and UL and MH showed up from the after school. 2 of his friends showed up, QT and MM. Unfortunately, they couldn't stay for the whole thing.

I started off the circle by reminding everyone that this was not to be a reprimanding circle. This was not a circle of blame but one of concern. Then I opened with reading from chapter 33 of the Dao De Jing. This is perhaps one of the most important philosophical passages in my life. This chapter has done a lot to influence my life and I had shared it with BC in summer school.

After that we just did the check in and created a list of agreements. It was important in the agreements/guidelines that we stressed that we were coming from a place of caring and concern. This all went very smoothly like previous circle had. Then my opening question was, "What was something that you liked about BC that brought you here to this circle?" Everyone recounted stories about the energy that he brings to the environment and how much we liked having him as a student. Couching it in this framework I used that to segue into our concerns. His sexual harassment of students, his uncontrolled behavior in class, and his lack of academic effort were all put on the table in what I think was a very gentle way. We actually had 3 rounds of talking about the situation and putting things on the table. BC's dad is in jail. He's a lifer. BC's been shot. He has a crazy life, but he's still maintained a very positive affect. He's been diagnosed with ADHD. I really wonder about this. I read that kids of color are sometimes over medicated and I would say that in many (not all) cases that I've seen and experienced. Sometimes teenagers are just full of energy and if you had the lives that many of them do, you'd be a bit crazy too. But regarding the ADHD, BC sat through the entire 2 hours speaking when it was appropriate and calm and still. He wasn't walking all around or anything. If anything AV and I were the ones getting up out of the chair. I said that I see BC having to make some very serious choices soon. This kid in my opinion is either going to be a hero or a zero. His personality doesn't really have a middle ground. He is either going to be a force for good or bad. We all prodded him to bring out his good side. BC brought up his concerns that his mom was sad at his situation and that he kept feeling like he would take 1 step forward and ten steps back. He also recognized the need to push himself. We addressed his sexual harassment of females and I had brought up the idea with him before that he would not want to have any guy talk to his sister or mother the way that he talked to women. We stressed that he needed to treat women like they were his sister or his mother.

After laying out the situation, we talked about the impact of BC's behavior and how it's affected us and left us feeling. This was also on a positive note as we talked about all the things that we liked about him, but everyone seemed to agree that we were tired. It was work having to work with him. The constant shushing and controlling detracted from the education of the others around him.

When we talked about responsibility we really talked about the responsibility that BC has to himself. UL stressed his need for insight and we all stressed the need for discipline. But discipline as a practice not as a punishment. When we talked about needs and what did we need from BC, we mainly talked about the need for self control. He needed to act the way that he was acting in circle in class.

When we got to solutions and what specific things that BC was going to do to make things better he had very vague answers. He said that he was going to take in everything and reflect. He was going to go to afterschool rigor room more and that he was going to stay away from all the girls. We just all laughed at the last thing about the girls because it was totally unreasonable and for him impossible. He needed to exercise control not avoidance. It was at this point that I unfortunately had to leave to take another student to a meeting. I had AV finish it up for me with only UL and MH left.

But before I had left and through our talk I stressed the need for BC to do some practice. I've talked to him about going to a vipassana meditation class after school with me. I've been looking for a place to practice. I'm not a Buddhist, but I'm down with the Buddhist idea of transforming suffering. I've been feeling that I need a community of practitioners that I feel comfortable with, but it's so hard to find a place were I can be cool with the people. I checked out this place online that in between home and work. It was later on that night and was a sitting group for people of color.

When I left the circle to take my other student to a meeting it was 5pm and that meeting lasted about 1hr 15 min. Then I headed over to the meditation group and called up BC to come and meet me. He did but not before I talked to his momma and she tore into me. She got on and started yelling that I needed to tell her beforehand what we were doing (she was right) and that she needed to know what her baby was going to because for all she knew it could be devil worship (which it wasn't). I calmed her down and assured her that everything would be fine and she allowed BC to go. He came and he did a sitting meditation for 1 hr and he never spoke out or got up and moved around. The kid has far more self control than he displays or is given credit for, but he just doesn't practice.

For the RJ program to work, the students and staff need to practice and have a practice.

Staff circle

2010-02-11T23:50:00.000-08:00

On Monday, we had another staff circle with AV running it. I was excited about this because he was taking the initiative and we were getting more staff buy in on the circles. I mean we all got trained in it and were all behind it so it was good to see that people still believed in the process. I think that people realizing that we had to make it happen collectively for it to work. The process of restorative justice is a commitment. It is a different way of living. This was also a meeting that included all of the teachers on staff. This was the first time to happen since we started rebooting the circles.

AV started with asking questions as to how we would run staff circles and when. A problem that I saw was that everyone was having a say but there was no one taking notes other than me and so no consensus was actually made. We said what we wanted to the answers but we didn't actually make any decisions about them.

As we moved on, the circle invariably moved to a venting session. It's telling that our circles keep becoming a venting session. Teachers are frustrated. The students are dropping out like flies. This time of the year is always very hard for people. Winter is always a hard time. Christmas heightens the awareness of students' disparity. The sun ain't out. SAD Seasonal affective disorder. LOL! It was around this time that all the craziness was going on last year. Winter is a fucked up quarter.

We also recognized that the staff circle was incomplete without our principal and BY. For RJ to work at our school we need complete buy in and not having BY a part of RJ is a serious problem.

Probably one of the best things that came out of the circle was our recognition that we have to hang out more as a staff. When our school works best, we are a family. RJ is a way for our family to hang out. Also, it was a way of interacting with a new staff member (NL) that I rarely interact with.

Young Men's Restorative Justice Circle

2010-01-31T21:44:00.000-08:00

On Thursday, I did my first circle focusing in on one student. This circle was done the way that circles are supposed to be done. It was composed only of guys and was for the one student (IF) that I had written about before. Since one of the problems with circles that we had been having was that we mandated it, this circle was totally voluntary. I asked IF, his brother OG, and his friend SBP if he would participate in a circle and they all said yes though SBP had to drop out the day of because he wasn't feeling well. For the adults, I asked his JC, SDS from the afterschool program, and UL and MH from the afterschool tutoring program.

I started off talking about the purpose of the circle and reminding everyone that they have sat in circle before and to please respect the process. We opened with a rap from UL that set a positive tone and then we did the check-in. From the get go the vibe was really positive. That's the thing when circles are voluntary. People act right because they want to be there. From there we created a set of guidelines that we all wanted to follow. This all flowed very smoothly.

For my first question, I asked everyone why there were here for IF and what did they like about him. I recounted a story about watching him spit a piece and being impressed because he was the only one up there without notes and the poetry was about love and it was pretty deep. Then everyone told a story about him and when the talking piece got to him I had him say something that he liked about himself. Starting off with all these nice things, we then moved to the issues that we were concerned about. But what was great was that this didn't come from a finger-wagging place, but a place of genuine concern and the difference was obvious. His CTM JC started first and everyone in the circle got to say their concerns. When the talking piece got to him he told of some of his recent problems, but it was done very inarticulately and disjointed. A far cry from his spoken word pieces. It was really important to have his brother OG there, because he was able to express his concern for his brother which seemed that he had never directly done before. Guys aren't so great with the communication so that's understandable. OG was also able to tell his brother's business coming from a place of concern and not it be a snitching thing.

After we talked about the issues, we talked about the impact and how IF's recent behavior has affected everyone. This was also a place where we were able to express our concern for him but also let him know the effects that it has had on us. This was powerful, because one of the things with teenage boys and this kid in particular is that they have a hard time seeing how their actions affect others. They are so intently focused on themselves that there is a tunnel vision. It's almost a solipsistic thing.

From there we moved to taking responsibility. Everyone talked about what they felt their responsibilities were to IF and what they would do for him. This was an interesting things to do, because I've never really sat in a circle where we talked about the responsibility component. Reflecting, I see that this really adds to the community and inclusion part of the circle. That everyone takes responsibility for IF and for him to hear that was important. It allows us to build that web of relationships. It helps to break that teenage egocentrism.

Next I asked about what were the needs of the people in the circle. This was interesting, because then it made IF think about what he needed to do for the people around him. Once again, I don't think that he ever thought about this. He's had everyone controlling his life and telling him what to do. In some ways, he's been living in a reactionary mode, as most teenagers do. To hear what people needed from him in a non-forceful punishing way was a departure from most of his adult interactions. I think one of the things that makes restorative justice work is that it is totally different from most people's typical experiences. Plus the restorative version of justice immediately strikes a chord in people's lives that are used to the punitive version. The values of restorative justice are the values that we create in the circle.

After talking about the needs, we moved to solutions. I asked what was he going to specifically do to better this situation. He talked about the things that he needed to do (e.g. talk to people, not hold things in, work harder, get his hours off). What was incredibly amazing and powerful about this was that he had found his voice. He was talking in complete sentences and it made sense. He was no longer mumbling one word answers bouncing from thought to thought. It was also great to hear him say what he wanted to do to make things better instead of him just saying the "right" shit because he wanted to get people off his back. He words rang truer and hopefully they will be. Next we asked if this would be enough for the people in the circle. We all agreed that if IF did what he said he wanted to do that that would be enough.

Finally, I asked if anything was missing or there were any last words. And for the closing, I asked everyone to share how they were feeling at the end of the circle. That was the way that circles are supposed to be run and organized. It was a vastly different experience and all the participants agreed.

The next day I talked to the adult participants and they were all really happy to be a part of the circle and want to do more. JC texted me and said now that he's been through it, he understands the process better. This has got me juiced to do more circles and I've got others that want to participate.

The Rebirth of Circle

2010-01-27T00:10:00.000-08:00

Since my last post, we've had two staff circles. One on Friday the 22nd and one on the 25th. Since then, I've learned to not schedule circles on Fridays. People are just done with the week and want to get out. Sitting mindfully in circles requires discipline and dedication. The meeting on the Friday was good because there were returning faces, (LS, CFG, and me) and then there were two different people (BS and SDS). NL and JC just had to cut out. I understood. SDS has never sat in a circle before and so it was good to bring him in and have him get acquainted with the process. The circle was really positive and we seemed to make a commitment to have more circles among the staff and also that we needed to have a rebirth of circles. We needed to make the process more organic and less forced....we needed to get staff into circles.

I can tell my Native American coworker, BY, is totally checked out of circles. An interesting problem has occurred. Backstory: BY was saying that the Native kids at our school were offended by the circles and that they didn't want to do them. Circles were sacred to their religion and students' misbehavior and disrespect within the circles were disrespectful to them. BY was obviously also not into them at all. He and some students spoke with other leaders in the local Native community and they came by the school to sit in the circle. CFG is new to the school and was running the circle and found that everyone just shut down. She felt like she got backdoored and the circle police was brought in on her. Then after a staff meeting some of us were sitting around and discussing the state of circles and we decided to scrap the Thursday circles that we had been doing with the kids. The problem was that CFG wasn't there and no one told her about it until Thursday. She had planned to do things with the students and felt backdoored again.

Anyways, after all this had happened is when we started to do staff circles again. I should note that CFG is our new restorative justice site coordinator, so it was kind of fucked up the situations that she has been placed in.

The circle that we had this last Monday was larger and so that was positive. I was able to bring in the 2 tutors and their site coordinator from the afterschool program and AV showed up. This one was again attended by LS, BS, SDS, CFG, NL, JC, and I. The more people that we can get involved in the circles program the better. I want to bring one of the Black male tutors, UL, into the community and culture of the school and he seems open to it. He has developed a rapport with a number of the Black kids and they need a positive role model like he is. He is also interested in sitting in circle with JC and me when we have one with the young black kid, IF, I spoke of before.

So now circles are going to be more organic. My goal is to get the teachers to start leading them. I had left the Monday circle early to go to another meeting and asked AV what he had thought of the remainder of the circle. He said he started getting antsy around when I left and I gathered from what he was saying that he thinks CFG talks too much. CFG does have a tendency to speak at length, so I told AV that he should lead the next circle. He said he didn't want to step on any toes and I said I would talk to CFG. She was down for it so AV is going to lead the next one. That AV is willingly going to step up and lead a circle is great news. He can be real pessimistic and cynical sometimes so to have him wanting to lead a circle is good news. It's funny, we got trained in circles about a year ago but it took us until now for the staff to actually start having staff circles. I think that right there was the essence of why it didn't work. Part of what makes circles effective is that it gives self empowerment to the participants. We as a staff gave our power away to "site coordinators" and left things in their hands. Not that the site coordinators weren't or aren't good people. It just that we had to take responsibility for our community and not just expect some outside power to fix things for us. It doesn't work that way where I work. We have to make things happen ourselves. The site coordinators must help us find our own power.

Growing pains

2010-01-15T00:20:00.000-08:00

We've been having some problems with our restorative justice program. The circles have become a chore and students are not liking them. I think perhaps that we have been too ambition with the process and that it hasn't been an organic growth. We have foisted restorative justice circles upon students and told them to go be restorative while we ourselves have not embraced the process as a staff. We are telling students to go and do something that we ourselves do not do. Of course it won't work if that's the case. We had a circle among a few staff today after school and that was the first time that I have sat in circle with the staff pretty much since we got our training. I think there was one time that we tried to do that in the staff meeting but that was it. It was refreshing to be in a circle with people that wanted to be there. I think that we need to change ourselves before we can ask students to change. We need to be the leaders that we want them to be. We have to model the behavior that we would like to see from them. I think that a problem with many of the students is that they either have few models of good behavior or a many models of bad behavior. We would like for them to sit calmly, but they are not used to calm.

It was really important for the participating staff to have a forum where they could vent their feelings and concerns and feel heard. We get so busy and caught up in our work that we don't take the time to check in and see how the others are doing. We don't get time to just be with ourselves sometimes. There was a lot of crazy shit that went down yesterday and I found myself scrambling to deal with that and then I worked myself up into a lather.

I would like to see circles no longer be a forced dynamic and instead that we as teachers sit in circles together, but also to just take small groups of kids and work with them in a circle together. The circles were meant to be something that was voluntary and by making them nonvoluntary they lose the essence of what they bring to the table.

We have this one young Black kid that I think in particular would benefit from circles. He just recently had a staff meeting, hasn't been following through with what he said that he was going to do, brought out a knife in the school and started carving up the table, and doesn't seem to get the ramifications of what he has done. His dad isn't a part of his life as much as he should be and the kid gets high way too much. Throw a possible learning disability on top of that and it's a recipe for disaster. To be able to pull this kid aside and talk together with him I think would be the perfect way of implementing circles. It would be smaller and more intimate to just have him and a few of the teachers and his friends to run the circle. That is the space that I think that we could get some good work done.

Setting up a revocable living trust

2010-01-02T15:20:00.000-08:00

So having a kid is a big deal. There are all these things that you have to do to take care of them. One of those things is setting up a revocable living trust. I first heard about a revocable living trust from my lesbian financial guru, Suze Orman, so I decided to read more up on it. One of the main reasons that people get trusts is to avoid probate fees when you die. Probate attorneys and judges take 4% of your 1st $100,000, 3% of your 2nd $100,000, and 2% of every $100,000 thereafter just to execute your will. Fuck that. A trust essentially bypasses probate. Probate courts can take from 6 months to 3 years to execute your will, while a trust can be executed as soon as you have the death certificate.

Another good thing with a trust is that they are much harder to contest than a will. I have two half brothers that I have no contact or relationship with and they could contest a will that I made because they are related to me. Wills are public information while trusts are done privately and confidentially. That way there won't be will-chasers sending "information" to Lil B on what to do with the money.

Trusts also allow AL and I to set terms for Lil B to receive his inheritance should anything happen to us. We have it so that he can't receive any money till age 30, has a college degree or some trade school equivalent, and has a stable job more or less depending on the economy. This is an interesting part about a trust and something you can have in place if you know how your child is with money. We also have the exploding turkey scenario about what to do with our estate if an exploding turkey kills AL, Lil B and me. AL is going to give her half to her family while I am going to give my half to Kiva.

Also included in the trust is the advance health care directive that states what we want to have happen if either of us or both should become incapacitated. And finally we have three deep lineup of who would care for Lil B if anything should happen to AL and me. So we have it so that AL's mom is first, her brother is second, and her cousins in Hawaii are third. Why no one from my family...cause they are crazy and bad at handling money.

There's a reason rich people get trusts and I highly recommend it to anyone that has kids. My attorney cost us $1525 to do the whole thing and $100 for amendments. I checked around with other estate planning attorneys and that is a very competitive price.

Fatherhood and work

2009-12-28T07:56:00.000-08:00

I'd rather stay home and hang out with my child than go to work. I love my child more than my work. He is something/someone that I'd totally rather be with than my students. This is one of the most meaningful and fulfilling relationships I have and will ever have in my life. In the Confucian belief system, this is the most important relationship after ruler and subject. Confucius was such a hierarchical suckup! Sorry had to say it.

Anyways, I've been using my sick days and taking Wednesdays off to hang with the lil guy. I'll probably only do it a quarter, but this is time well spent. I don't feel that I am lacking anything when I am hanging out with him. It's pretty fucking cool. It is a heavy duty responsibility to raise a child in today's world. It's not something I take lightly. I see the effects of poor parenting on a daily basis. All my male students that don't have fathers in their lives are royally fucked in the head. I call them ships without rudders. They go where the wind blows.

I want the best for him. The cat, that I still love, has been kicked down a rung. It's pretty fucking sad. But there is an attention pie, and the cat gets the crumbs.

But the work that I'm doing at school, I feel is the best that I've ever done. I feel like I'm getting more historical knowledge and skills across to the kids in an accessible and interesting way than I've ever have. I actually am starting to feel like I'm doing a good service to the kids as opposed to my previous years of teaching. But that work has less meaning to me now. Not that I don't want to have a better and more just world for him. I would just rather spend my time with him than do pretty much anything else.

My favorite Hawaiian song

2009-12-13T19:27:00.000-08:00

Nostalgia

My favorite Brazilian song and version

2009-12-07T17:16:00.000-08:00

This is my favorite Brazilian song written by my son's namesake Baden Powell. The lyrics are by Vinicius de Moraes. This version by Bebel Gilberto is my favorite version. Bebel's version is happy and sad and sensual all at the same time.

Lyrics to Samba Da Bencao (Samba Of The Blessing) :
(Baden Powell, Vinicius de Moraes)

E melhor ser alegre que ser triste
Alegria e a melhor coisa que existe
E assim como a luz no coracao
Mas pra fazer um samba com beleza
E preciso um bocado de tristeza
Senao nao se faz um samba nao

Fazer samba nao e contar piada
E quem faz samba assim nao e de nada
O bom samba e uma forma de oracao
Porque o samba e a tristeza que balanca
E a tristeza tem sempre uma esperanca
De um dia nao ser mais triste nao

Poe um pouco de amor numa cadencia
E vai ver que ninguem no mundo vence
A beleza que tem um samba nao
Porque o samba nasceu la na Bahia
E se hoje ele e branco na poesia
Ele e negro demais no coracao

[Translation:]

Samba Of The Blessing

It's better to be happy than sad
Happiness is the best thing there is
It is like a light in the heart
But to make a samba with beauty
It's needed a bit of sadness
If not the samba can't be made

To make a samba is not like telling a joke
And who makes samba like this is worth nothing
The good samba is a kind of prayer
Because samba is the sadness that sways
And sadness is always hopeful
Of one day not being sad any more

Put a little love in the cadence
And you'll see that in this world nobody wins
The beauty that a samba have
Because samba was born in Bahia
And if today it is white in it's poetry
It is very black in it's heart.
[ Samba Da Bencao (Samba Of The Blessing) Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]

2009-11-28T20:01:00.000-08:00

Baby life and living overseas

2009-11-25T13:42:00.000-08:00

I am a baby satellite. Everything that the little man wants he gets. Life with a newborn can be a stress. AL and I have shorter tempers (lack of sleep) and we snap at each other more. But at the same time he has brought us closer than ever before, because we are united in our goal of having a good and happy family. My mom is super excited. I've never seen her so excited and gushy. It's kind of weird. I see her now more than I ever have. It's a good and bad thing. It's kind of weird. I hate to say it, but when I hang out with my mom it's work. We can't just hang out and everyone be cool. My mom has to fret about something or be catered to for this and that.

So now I want to put lil B into a house. On two teachers' salaries living in the Bay Area, it's going to be a challenge. But I really want to have a yard for him to play in. I don't want him playing out in the streets. To come up with the money, AL and I have decided to teach abroad. We've always wanted to teach and live abroad and lil B is young enough that it wouldn't be that hard. I want to work in a place where I can learn to speak Spanish fluently. So Eastern Spain, Central or South America would be great. Depending on where we teach, I read that we could save $12,000 on one salary. With both of us teaching that's $24,000 a year. If we up to 4 years we could save $96,000. That's more than enough for a 20% down payment on a house within our price range. Plus I gotta get out of the US. I'm getting tired of this country. The healthcare debate is fuckin ridiculous to me. We have this HUGE military budget and soldiers all over the world, but we are cutting money to education and healthcare. Our priorities are whack! Just because we had lil B our insurance costs have tripled. This just ain't right. So we're probably looking at Fall 2011 to teach abroad. I feel like since I got married I'm really living more and having more adventures. We've traveled around the world, had the little one and will embark on more adventures. Who says that life stops once you have a baby?

It's been a while

2009-11-11T12:06:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've blogged. What's happened to me since...I suppose the biggest news is that I've had a baby boy. On October 1st, 2009 my wife delivered a beautiful baby boy 7 pounds 15 ounces. It was a 40hr labor!!! I don't even want to do things that I like for 40 hours. Being the trooper that she is, she went 32 hours without an epidural! Ridiculous right? At the 32nd hour, she was just sleep deprived, in pain, and loopy. So we had a safe word (borrowed from kinky sex) that she would use to signify that she really wanted an epidural and it was time. That safe word was "mercy!" Good one huh.

It was an amazing experience and I actually got enough courage to look. You know...down there. That was the traumatic experience for me. After the delivery it was like something out of CSI. Blood, vomit, and other bodily fluids everywhere. Some shit had gone down! At one point during a contraction, AL actually bit my hand. It was hella primal. But the end result was the important one. We got our healthy baby boy.

I was so happy when he was born and I made a promise to him right there that I would do everything and anything to take care of him. Also, I promised I wouldn't let him sit in his pee or poo for very long if I knew he had soiled himself. I mean babies can't do anything. They are completely helpless. Their quality of life is completely dependent on what we do or don't do for them. I'm not trying to have my boy being a materialist, but that is a material thing where I will make sure he is well taken care of.

It's an interesting thing having a baby. It's powerful. It changed my life and it's not like I had to work at it. You just change because you want to be around your kid. When I'm at work I just can't wait to get home to my lil guy. I just want to hang out with the lil man. I've also planned to take Wednesdays off at work to just be able to hang out with my kid. While my family with AL has always been the most important thing for me, it has taken on a new meaning and power with the addition of the lil one. I mean AL is a grown ass self sufficient woman. I don't need to cater to her all the time. But the little one...he needs us. For everything. Priorities shift.

An interesting added benefit with having a baby is that its given me more leverage with students. They want to know about how we're doing and how hard it is and how I plan on raising him. Kids have very strong and powerful views about how you should raise a kid and what is right and wrong behavior. Having lil B, allows me to ask them what would be the right thing for me to do as a parent if lil B was in their position and what would be the right thing for lil B to do. Then I just transfer that to their situation. It's deep.

I also try to talk to kids as often as possible about how hard and expensive it is to have a kid. I talk to them about the lack of sleep and frustration of dealing with a crying child. I also tell them the story of when I was changing Lil B's diapers and wiping his shit covered ass. When I went around for the second wipe he shit into my hand. There I was staring at my shit covered hand and all I could think was "Goddam teenagers are assholes!" I know I was. Here parents are cleaning their shit and all they get back is attitude. So now I say to students don't shit in my hand and they get it. Here I am trying to take care of you, don't shit in my hand, cuz you ain't a baby.

babies...gotta love em!

Praxis of Restorative Justice

2009-08-23T23:55:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since my last update. Things got a bit crazy last year. I have to say that I was happy to have it be over. Looking back, I am really happy that we started and are continuing a restorative justice program at my school. Over the summer, I taught summer school and I did 2 RJ classes. The two classes couldn't have been any more different.

The first class was with students that had been in the school last year. This class was really amazing. We got deep and I was able to connect to these students in a way that I am not normally able to do. That's one of the things that I like best about RJ is that it helps create a community. Students brought up topics and issues that we discussed as a group and it was real. When I speak to the kids in my normal speech they listen better. I thought that was important too because I am always talking to them about code switching and so they found it interesting and surprising to listen to me talk when I'm not trying to be a "teacher". The informal communal nature of it also allowed me to bust on kids in a caring but real way. I was able to express my frustrations with them and they were able to really hear me and know that what I was saying was coming from a good place. The class also allowed for us to talk about relationships and offer advice based on our experiences.

The other class was painful. It was like pulling teeth. There were some young boys coming in as freshmen and I had forgotten how young freshmen boys could be. They had very little to say and didn't have very many thoughts on issues and the topics that I would bring up. There were a couple of students that wanted to talk about the issues and topics but it quickly became a very small discussion among me and the 2 students. The rest just sat there. In short, it was painful. I was reduced to asking them very basic getting to know you type questions. Questions that I got from the book "Moving beyond icebreakers". I didn't want to do a questionnaire type class but there was very little participation and interest in really going any deeper. The students that did want to talk expressed their frustration about no one speaking...but what could they do.

Looking back at RJ at my school, I think that there needs to be some things that we do to make it more successful. First, I think that teachers need to participate more in the circles. We ran circles but we tried to have students run the circles. When students were running other students a number of times it just descended into apathy or chaos. I think when teachers are in the circles it sets a different tone and creates a different atmosphere. Students need teachers to model appropriate behavior and we have not been doing the RJ circles long enough for students to know how to act appropriately within the circles. As a result, some of our student led circles were less than successful. Second, I think that us teachers need to have RJ circles together to talk about our issues. Restorative Justice is something that all of us need not just the students. When teachers sat in and had circles together it was powerful and there was greater buy-in. The kids aren't going to buy it if we don't. Third, teachers need to start using RJ circles within their own classes and CTMs. I started to use the circles but I was the only one. I found them to be very useful and very helpful in my classes and CTM, but the other teachers didn't do them. This was weird too because everyone bought in to the idea, but what was missing was the praxis.

Self and community transformation ain't easy. It takes work. School starts tomorrow without the kids and the next week they come in. It's going to be a hard year because we are losing one of our most amazing teachers. She is leaving to take an administrative position at a middle school. I am going to miss her a lot. She is an inspiration to me and someone that I respect greatly. I marvel at her energy, rapport with students, and commitment to social justice. I am jealous of the school that is going to get her, but so happy for her because she will do amazing things with her greater position and role at the new school. Also, we are scrambling to look for another math teacher. The teacher that we had last year didn't find favor with the boss lady. She was looking to replace him but didn't tell any of the staff except the one leaving. I went into school on Friday and was told that math teachers were being interviewed. We have a staff of 8 people and we are looking for 2 new teachers. This is some fucked up shit. When I first got there it was a 4 person turnover. Things were crazy. When the math teacher came in last year in the middle of the year it was crazy. We have 2 new teachers that are going to be hazed and have to get used to the school and students that I work with. The other fucked up thing is that the math teacher doesn't know that he is being replaced. In fact, he joined us in a RJ training on Thursday.

As much as I enjoy the work that I am doing and love the staff, I am really disturbed by the system that we have. We are under-resourced and always seem to be putting out fires. If it's not one thing it's another. The teacher turnover rate is too high and we don't have the resources to keep good teachers. If I went to work at the regular old public school in my school district, I would immediately get about a $10,000 raise, more benefits, and do less work. It kind of fucking ridiculous. I love my work there, but sometimes it can be quite disheartening.

Praxis of Restorative Justice

2009-04-02T23:46:00.000-07:00

So I've been doing circles to start and end the day in my CTM. I saw that I had to do it when one day a kid asked me what another kid's name was, but the other kid had been in my class for over a year. It was bad. There isn't a community or family atmosphere in my group. And in large part I'm the one to blame. The praxis of restorative justice forces me to change it up. I can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results. It's making me cuckoo for coco puffs.

As a part of my "getting to know you questions" I've been asking the 10 questions that James Lipton asks all of his guests. Then I started asking some from the Proust questionnaire. This has inspired other kids to start asking questions. I mean people, myself very much included, love doing the questionnaire type shit on facebook. I've spent way too much time doing the 25 Random Things about Me and 20 albums that changed my life.

I'm excited to try and create a community where one should naturally exist. I think that will be part of the key to creating a better atmosphere and school environment.

2009-02-20T00:19:00.000-08:00

At the top of my blog, I wrote that societal ills affect the most vulnerable populations first. Even though I wrote it, I am understanding it now more than ever. The past 3 weeks have been truly crazy. One of the missions of the school is dropout prevention. But we've been kicking out kids left and right. Right now the tone and environment of the school is the worst that I have ever experienced. Talking with the principal, she was saying this is the worst that she has remembered...and she has been there 35 years. Just in the past month, we expelled 1 kid for drug dealing and being high in classes, 2 kids suspended for almost fighting, and 4 kids expelled for fighting. And I believe more expulsions are on the way. Girls are getting pregnant left and right.

As bad as it is right now, I want to believe that good will come from this. Students and staff want to make things better. We have been trained in restorative justice and this is a situation where we really need it. Kids weren't moving on having circles, but this is the light under their and our asses to make it happen. We are fortunate to have a process to deal with our situation. In response to the situations, we have had 2 student run talking circles. The one last Thursday was intense because it involved more staff and more students. I went to both of them. A lot of emotions were put out at both of them, but the Thursday one had people crying.

The stories that kids tell me about their lives boggles my mind. It often really puts my life into perspective. The things that they go through... I'm not surprised that they aren't into their education. When families are scraping to get by...it's not shocking that kids don't want to read.

But back to what I was saying about societal ills...it's the economy. The ones with the least are having to get by with even less. Funding and budgets are getting cut. People are losing their jobs. The ones that continue to work are working like slaves because they have to do the work of more people and they are happy just to have a job. People with impressive resumes are competing for jobs with people with high school degrees. People looking for just anything. People aren't buying and so businesses aren't expanding. I wonder where the bottom is.

Praxis of Justice

2009-01-30T23:07:00.000-08:00

After my little success with circles in 3rd period, I conducted a circle in my film class. It was cool because I really got a lot more feedback from students. I don't like it when I just stand in front of a room to silence and blank stares. We talked about what was their favorite movie of all time, then about what movie they liked the best in the film class. It was interesting because students either loved Clockwork Orange or they hated it. Films that elicit a strong reaction are great for discussion. Doubt was like that most recently for me. Then my final question was, "Had they ever been in love and how did it make them feel?" After they all answered that we started watching "Eat Drink Man Woman." It was cool because the circle set them in the proper mindframe to watch the film. It's been a while since I've seen it, but watching it again was still fun. We didn't get to finish watching it that period, so it's been making me think about it. I want to talk to them about the theme /metaphor of Life without love and honest human relationships is like food without taste. Looks nice and you'll live but there is no je ne sais quoi. All that beautiful Chinese food that makes me so hungry watching it. An interesting cross cultural exchange, when the two sisters are fighting while washing dishes they don't look at each other. They stand side by side. One of my black kids yelled out why aren't they looking at each other. My Chinese student and I both at the same time yell out that it's awkward to look at each other. I notice when I speak sometimes in circle I look to the ground when talking about my feelings.

So come Thursday I wanted to do circles in all my classes. As my opening ceremony, I played a clip from "Enter the Dragon". The one where Bruce is talking to his student about Emotional Content and a finger pointing to the moon. Then I talked about the finger being the circle but the moon being justice. The finger is important in that it points but it is not the thing that is desired. In the circle, we need Emotional Content. Don't think, FEEEEEEEEL! Then from there we created the guidelines. In 1st period, I was able to do some icebreakers and then move onto content on Chinese Lunar New Year. It was cool because it engaged one of my students that is going through some crazy ass shit and she just wants to put her head down on the table. She sat up and participated in something in class.

My 2nd period was a more interesting circle. There are some children in there...and I mean children. It's the part about working with teenagers that is sooooo lame. Remember how back it the day people used to say "Oh my God, you are like soooooo immature"? Watching the interactions and behavior sometimes, just pulls that phrase from the recesses of my mind. I just want to say "pffft! WHATever!" Anyways, the idea of two talking pieces came up and my more obstinate young ladies decided that they wanted to run with it, but they did it by respecting the one talking piece and we did it in circle with each person passing and having their say. Their argument was that if they wanted to ask someone a question or respond to something someone was saying they should be able to have two talking pieces going. The argument that I've read and agree with is that the talking piece gives each person a voice, allows those that have trouble talking talk, and helps control dominant voices. If there were 2 talking pieces then things could easily descend into a back and forth shutting out all others. I said that if they had something important that they wanted to say they could either write it down as I was doing or they could just remember it. At the end of class, one of the young ladies just started saying how she knew she had a bad attitude and would go against things just to go against them. That little girl has it hard. Her story is sad. Unfortunately, she plays out her inner turmoil in classes and on the people around her, especially authority figures. On Friday we had to come back to this, but it was good because I really got a better feel and understanding for building a consensus. A consensus is something agreed upon by everyone but it's also the idea of is this something you can live with. After more rounds of trying to gain consensus, I also better understood the power of the circle as a socializing tool. More and more students that were getting impatient about the obstinate young ladies voiced their opinions on the importance of one mic. This changed the attitude of the girls as they saw that the community was getting restless and they decided to drop the idea of two mics. But the group did agree on suspending the talking pieces and using the terms, "clarify" and "louder" when someone had spoke. Those could be interjected between bowl passing.

The circle worked well for my second period class because that was the class were I had the students with the most behavioral problems. It's the class that needs to build the most community. Through building the community, then we can all become accountable for each other's learning.

Getting trained in restorative justice circles

2009-01-27T19:36:00.000-08:00

So on Sunday and Monday I got trained in restorative justice circles. I trained with my staff and 7 students. Unfortunately, 2 of my coworkers, my principal, and one student weren't able to make it but we'll get them up to speed. If you've ever done workshops or trainings often times they suck. You come out of them feeling like you just wasted a whole bunch of time and what do you do now. This training was completely the opposite.

Before we did the training, my coworker Gina and I identified 8 students that we would like to have trained in restorative justice. These were kids from various backgrounds that had "bought" into our school and we felt could reach students of different backgrounds. Then I composed a letter essentially honoring the students for being chosen, explained what restorative justice was, and created a permission slip for their parents to sign. Then I met with all the students read the letter to them and stressed how important this was and if this was something that they wanted to be a part of. Each student was very excited and flattered to be chosen. This was the buy in on their part. No problem. Then I had to convince my coworkers. Getting them to come in on a Sunday and Monday for a training from 8:30-5 was not something that they wanted to do, but they begrudgingly came along with me telling them how much I loved them and how great they were. A few gave me that "kiss my ass for sucking up to me" look.

So come Sunday, we get there and we immediately start in on getting to know you activities. Real fun icebreaker stuff that everyone that's ever done a workshop/training has done. Then we move into other activities where we ranked our top values on a paper plate and wrote our most important value on the other side. The whole time these activities are being conducted using circles. These activities got us through most of the day and towards the end of the day is when we got to the heavier shit. We started to talk about the impact of harm and the an example of when we were harmed and what are needs were after that harmed happened. Then we talked about a time when we did someone harm and what we needed that led us to committing that harm. It was some heavy ass shit. I mean people got deep and dirty, but the facilitators had done such a great job with creating a safe, respectful, and trusting space that people went there. We had people crying and letting out some shit. At the end of the first day I was wiped out. Two of my coworkers drove me home and we hung out afterwards and just talked about the experience. I was elated because they were all into it. They totally got it and they wanted more of it. After they left I just passed out. No more energy.

Come Monday, people were excited to be back and we wanted to get to the nuts and bolts of it. How can we make this happen. This time the facilitators gave us this exercise that we had to do in silence with blocks. I had read about the exercise in Carole Boyes-Watson's book, but only after having experienced it and only now as I process it, do I start to understand the subtle brilliance in it. It was a fascinating sociological experiment on the dynamics of human relationships through silence. After this exercise, we discussed it and then moved into talking about the history of circles and different uses for circles. The final thing we did was plan on making a circle for a fictious case example. We did this paired with students and their perspective was invaluable. It really fleshed out a lot of things. After this, we discussed it and there was a closing ceremony.

In my 3rd period today, I conducted a circle in class. I saw this as a community building circle. So I explained to them the format of the circle and what the talking piece was (I used a singing bowl). As a centerpiece to the circle, I had my plant sitting on a nice shawl. As an opening, I played Bob Marley's War. My first question was how were they and how was their 3 day weekend. After that, I asked them to answer, "They felt respected when..." next asking, "They felt disrespected when..." Then I had them say something they liked about the school followed by something they didn't like about the school. Next they said something they liked about their hometown and something they would change about it. The last series of questions being something they would change about themselves and something they like about themselves. Finally, I had them stand up and then go around telling what they thought about the exercise and putting their questions next to the centerpiece. Almost every single one enjoyed the experience and many stated that it was a calming experience. Immediate success I'm hooked.

One of the things that I like about this is that this is the praxis of my views on justice. I don't like the punitive system. It's not what I believe in but it's all that I've ever known. I realize now the punitive system is also the easiest of responses and a bandage solution. I recognize of course that there is a time and place for a bandage, but I'm trying to move to where knives won't have to be drawn in the first place and how to get back to that place after someone does draw a knife.

Compassion and restorative justice

2009-01-08T17:46:00.000-08:00

In case you didn't know, I should tell you that I'm a vegetarian. I started doing it as a religious thing. It's a compassion training thing. I figured working where I was going to work...I should have more compassion. More empathy ain't bad either.

But I don't feel that I have had the opportunity to express my compassion through the system of punishment at my school. When students get less than an 8 on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, or Friday on their contracts, they have that many hours loaded up in detention. You get a 3 then you have 5 hours. I make my kids do them. You can't have no accountability. If I want something different I've got to have something to replace it with. My problem with our system is that it is just a form of punishment. It doesn't make the person not want to do what they were doing, it just makes them not want to get punished for it.

I would like restorative justice to transform me. I'm hoping the process will be the tool to create the type of social environment and community that I want to be a member of. Restorative justice requires me to change my own mentality. Of course, the irony is that for it to be successful, the qualities that it requires from me are the ones that I need to work on the most. You know, things like listening and patience, and shit like that.

Last week Tuesday I went to see this guy Howard Zehr. He's this guy that's been involved in restorative justice for a while. He talked about the stories of victims. It was some heavy ass shit. Made me really rethink the way that I do things. Too often I focus on the offender to the neglect of the offended. His talk made me think about all the ways that I handled interactions in ways that weren't in line with my core values and beliefs. I have found in my life that when I my values and my actions are in harmony my mental state is as well. The more I move towards praxis the greater the self integration the greater my personal peace. I am hoping for some restorative justice for my self and greater peace. Either way, I feel going through the process of trying to make this work will be purifying for me.

Restorative Justice

2008-12-06T09:04:00.000-08:00

So on Thursday, my coworker Gina and I went to see Kay Pranis speak. Kay is the OG of restorative justice and and all around cool lady. A cool quote that she used is "Crime is a wound and justice is healing". With that in mind, here are some notes from our discussion on restorative justice.

First Kay started talking about isolation and disconnection leading to some wrongdoing that causes harm to someone. When someone in the community is harmed this is also a harm to the community. As a result of this harm there is a response to this harm. Usually this response focuses on the person that committed the harm. Oftentimes, focus is so much on the person that committed the harm that the person that was harmed is neglected. As a result of the focus on the harmer and the neglect of the harmed, this can lead to greater isolation and disconnection.

Restorative justice focuses on an intervention in the response to the harm caused. This interventon should strengthen the community, create new or strengthen existing relationships, connect the community to a shared vision, and build skills to listening.

So then we started to explore what types of intervention leave the community stronger than before the incident. We discussed making amends, peer mediation, a capacity for the community members to self regulate without coercive force so there is less of a reliance on authority figures, an inclusive intervention, and finally an intervention that is a safe space to share stories and break down social distance.

In the restorative framework, Kay talked a bit about the responsibilities that the community has,

1) The community must rally around the one harmed.
2) The community must support the person who caused harm in making amends.
3) The community must attend to its own healing.
4) The community must pay attention to the pattern and what that says about the community.

In the traditional justice framework the question is what do we do to the harmer. In the restorative framework, the question is what does the harmer need to do to create peace. A lot of the discussion we had was focused on creating a community and framework where people could be heard and when they are heard they are more open to looking towards solutions.

At the end of it all, I was really excited to see a circle in action. But I'll have to wait to get a training. I really want to institute this at my school. Right now, when a student is a problem or does something that harms a person or the community, they either are dealt with by their CTM or they have a staff meeting where they appear before all of the teachers with their parents. They are supposed to only get one staff meeting and after that they go. Restorative justice circles would be an intermediate step between CTMs and staff meetings. This would be a way to take the pressure off of teachers but also give students more of a buy in to the school. Circlekeepers would do peer mediation and discipline would be be less authoritarian. We'll see how this works and I'll keep posting as more happens.

2008-11-30T12:32:00.000-08:00

A black president!!!??? I feel like I'm in a modern day version of Blazing Saddles.

Now that I've had more time to reflect on things, it's pretty amazing. Obama is part of the democratic revolution that has been and is taking place all over the world. For a country with a population that is 75% white and a very racist history to elect a black man to the highest office is pretty cool. While it is pretty cool in racial terms what Obama has achieved, in terms of policy I still have many problems with him.

Here's an article by one of my favorite reporters Jeremy Scahill on the team that Obama has selected so far to surround himself with.

Here's the thing... if Obama really wants to change shit up then bring in some people that would actually be a sign of that. With regards to the wars, why not tap Barbara Lee to be the Secretary of War. My bad "Defense". Why not tap Bernie Sanders? John Lewis? Cynthia McKinney? Sheila Jackson Lee? Could you imagine Ralph Nader as Secretary of the Treasury? You can believe that there would be a lot more transparency and this bailout would play out a whole lot differently.

One of the most important pieces of political/economic advice I ever learned was, "Follow the money". With that in mind, here are the list of Obama and McCain's top campaign donors. Then compare this to the companies receiving money from the federal bailout. With this in mind, I'm not so confident about the financial system getting "fixed". Another thing with the Federal Bailout is that the process is already nontransparent. Dirty ass financial companies getting tons of money out of the American people and nothing being done to fix the problems that got us into this situation. Just give them more and more money.

During the election, a lot of friends asked me what would make me vote for a Democrat. There's actually something that someone could say to me that would make me want to vote for them. Tell me that you are going to cut the military budget. Just a little. Instead of 1 trillion dollars a year for the military... how's about 850 billion dollars instead. $900 billion? $950 billion? Something! Boys with their toys are dangerous.

People have been guzzling the Obama Kool-Aid and I'm worried that they won't pay attention to politics like they did under GWB. That's the thing with GWB... he got people involved! Obama gets points for being the first black president... but that's where it ends cuz his policies aren't so different from historic US foreign policy. Is the US going to stop being an imperialist power? That would be some change that I could get behind.

More on credit default swaps

2008-10-26T19:55:00.000-07:00

Watch CBS Videos Online

Watch CBS Videos Online

Derivatives

2008-10-26T19:53:00.000-07:00

Watch CBS Videos Online

Where I first heard about Credit Default Swaps

2008-10-26T19:50:00.001-07:00

From Ben Stein no less...

Credit default swaps

and his most recent article on credit default swaps

Why I'm not voting for Barack Obama

2008-10-11T20:55:00.000-07:00

I like Barack Obama. He seems like he's a nice guy. He appears that he really loves his wife and 2 kids. He was born in Hawaii like myself. I prefer him over McCain. But I'm still not voting for him. Here are my reasons why.

First off, I should note that I live in California. In the world of the electoral college, all of California's votes will go to the winner of the popular vote. So let's look at some history and some facts.

In 2000, Al Gore won California by over 11%. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_presidential_election_in_California,_2000 It was in this election that Ralph Nader was running on the Green Party ticket and won 3.76% of California's votes. Ralph and the Green Party won a bunch of votes, but the Democrats still easily took California.

In 2004, the Democratic propaganda machine came out in force against Ralph Nader and 3rd parties. California voters feared a repeat of 2000 and 2nd Bush term. Greens backed David Cobb and Ralph was a write-in vote. Democrats fielded John Kerry as their candidate and he easily won California. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._presidential_election,_2004,_in_California I find it interesting that votes for Ralph and the Green Party combined totaled less than 1% of popular votes, yet John Kerry beat Bush by only 9.81%. This is less than what Gore beat Bush by even when Ralph was at his strongest.

In California, the number of registered Democrats surpass the number of registered Republicans by 11.6%. http://www.sos.ca.gov/elections/ror_090508.htm Click on the PDF for historical voter registration statistics. This year, Californians and especially young voters are very excited about Barack Obama. The statistics, the history, and the energy are all in favor of Barack Obama. If he doesn't win California... then the Democrats will really need to evaluate their party.

Just last weekend I was in Ohio. In one day in Ohio I saw more McCain and Obama ads than one month in California. The Democrats don't put any money and energy into winning California because they know that they will win it.

With that in mind, I believe that the Democrats need to re-evaluate their party. I abhor being threatened to vote Democrat (A vote for a third party is a vote for John McCain. It's the lesser of two evils). Talk about the issues and stop threatening me for my vote. When it comes to many important issues, I do not agree with Barack Obama. I'm not going to get into the McCain and the Republicans because I am soooooo far in disagreement with them on so many issues.

Barack has said that he wants to withdraw troops from Iraq and move them to Afghanistan. Then if Al Queda and Osama are in their sights and Pakistan is unable or unwilling to get them, Obama is willing to attack and kill them. Can you imagine if the Chinese said that they wanted to get Uighurs on US soil and if the US was unable or unwilling to get them for them, the Chinese would do it themselves? Can you imagine the same scenario with Russians and Chechnyans on US soil? The Sri Lankans and Tamil Tigers? The UK and the IRA? Israel and Palestinians? The Mexicans and Zapatistas? I could go on but then I'd have to look up groups on wikipedia and it's a pain.

When it comes to nuclear proliferation, Obama claims to want to reduce nuclear proliferation. Yet he has also spoken on creating a missile defense shield. That shield would lead to greater nuclear proliferation as countries sought to increase their capabilities to overwhelm the shield. The dirty little secret is that you can put a cheap ass mylar sheath on the warhead and it will cover the heat signature so that a missile shield can't find it. However, if the US creates a missile shield, China will likely increase their nuclear arsenal. China's increase will lead to an increase in Russia and India's. India's increase will lead to an increase by Pakistan. And on and on with this crazy fucking Mutually Assured Destruction dance of Shiva. A missile shield is an irresponsible position that contradicts his professed goal of reducing nuclear proliferation.

At no time has Obama spoken on cutting the US military budget. The US is currently spending approximately $1 trillion a year for all defense related purposes. In 2005, the US military budget was almost as much as the rest of the world's defense spending combined. Why aren't we talking about cutting the military budget? War is a racket! THE MILITARY DOESN'T NEED MORE MONEY!!! BUT EVERY OTHER SECTOR SURE DOES!!!

Gay marriage is one of the issues where Republicans and Democrats can come together. They both oppose it. WTF??? Let people get married, be happy and be legitimized under the law and their faith or lackthereof. It's as simple as that. Don't continue with the treatment of people as second class citizens.

When it comes to the economy, I have very little faith in the Democrats as they presided over NAFTA and the WTO. Ross fucking Perot was right when he talked about the giant sucking sound of American jobs heading to Mexico. Now that sucking sound has extended to the world. Republicans have continued Democrat policies. Obama has never talked about seriously reviewing and changing the policies of NAFTA and the WTO.

When it comes to Wall Street bailouts, Obama and McCain are both talking about Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. How come no one is talking about credit default swaps (CDS) and the roughly $60 trillion dollars in unregulated money? AIG and Lehman brothers probably wouldn't have tanked if it wasn't for massive amounts of unregulated CDSs. How serious is Obama about regulating the financial system when no attention is given to CDSs?

When it comes to the draconian death penalty, Obama is for it. This is an unjust policy that has a racial bias based on a justice system that is imperfect. I don't want the state executing anyone when there is even the remotest possibility that it could execute the wrong person. And we know that people have been exonerated and released after being on death row. How many people were executed that could have been exonerated? I don't know, but I don't want to take the chance.

When it comes to healthcare I was happy to hear Obama say that it was a right for people. I actually agree with that. However, he's not talking about universal healthcare for all like most industrialized countries have. If healthcare is a right...shouldn't it be a right for everyone regardless of their situation? Shouldn't Obama be pushing for universal healthcare?

When it comes to education Obama isn't telling me the things I really want to hear. How about fully funding students through college so that everyone can benefit from a college education? How about cutting the military budget in half and giving that half to public education? Why are we cutting classes and programs? Let the arts and sciences flourish motherfuckers! Then we wouldn't have so many narrow-minded undereducated dumbasses that will cause the future structural unemployment of America!

Here's where I insert my problem with America section. McCain is right. Americans do need to serve. But my generation is rather selfish. What can I say, we grew up in the Reagan years and its rubbed off on our kids! Service has negative connotations. It sounds like I won't get paid or I'll be underpaid. It sounds like I'll have to deal with ungrateful bastards. It sounds like something you do for a little while until you get a real job. It sounds like there's a master on the other side of my service. It sounds like an inferior subservient position to be in. It would be so much easier to vote and put all my political energy into that than to make that one component in utilizing all my political energy. We tell people they are wrong for doing what they believe to be right and instead tell them to do what represents the least change from our comfort zone. I completely believe that is it wrong to tell a person to not vote for their ideals and their "promised land" but rather to vote for that which is most politically expedient. It is better to vote for the greater good than for the lesser of two evils. Aren't the issues supposed to be important??? While Obama's stances on the issues are closer to mine than McCain's, he and the Democratic party do not stand on the issues on the side of greater justice for all in all things.

Don't get me wrong. I'll be happy if and when Obama wins. A black guy from Hawaii in the WHITE house? That's fucking hilarious, ironic, and cool to think about all in one. But I have to vote on the ISSUES , where I believe America should be, and Barack is not enough change for me. Tickle my balls and tell me some shit that I want to hear!

Pisac, Ollantaytambo, and Chinchero in a day

2008-09-28T22:59:00.000-07:00

I don't know why it is, but when we travel or on vacation I wake up really early. I mean before AL early. When we are at home, I sleep in. On this particular morning, I popped 2 ibuprofen and set my timer for 5 hours to take the next 2.

When traveling in Peru, you have to make sure your US dollars are immaculate. I mean perfect perfect. Depending on the person working the exchange, they won't accept bills that got a small little rip. In my case, they wouldn't take my $100 that had a small little hole in them. So I exchanged our money and came back to the hotel and was told that our tour was waiting for us at the Plaza de Santo Domingo. I got AL going and we made our way to the the plaza, but there was no bus. We waited around with AL going back and forth to the hostel to call our agency lady inquiring about the bus. I went around to each bus with my receipt asking if they were the ones. We kept being told that the bus was there, or was going to be there, but nothing. We waited for over and hour and I was getting pissed off. Finally, some local police decided to help us. I like the Peruvian female officer uniforms with their mini skirts and knee high leather fuck me boots. The two officers ended up taking us to the iperu on Avenida del Sol and from there those people contacted the tour . Once the iperu steps in then you get service. Our travel agency lady showed up there with one of the ladies that works the buses that do the tour. Apparently, we were told the wrong place to wait for them. If we wanted to meet up with our tour, we had to take a taxi to where they were. It would cost us 40 NS or $14 to do that. Well, I still wanted to do the tour and we had no other plans for that day, so we took it. Our taxi driver was this cool Quechua guy named Eduardo and he talked to us in Spanish while he drove us. He explained some of the Incan philosophy and showed us the difference between a llama and an alpace. Also, he told us the difference between an alpaca suri and alpaca huaynaca. The latter produces the best wool and is on the Peruvian money and flag. We finally met up with our bus and luckily they hadn't even done anything yet. From there we went to Pisaq to visit an Incan Ruin. Incan walls are amazing. They have huge stones and the rocks are held together without mortar. Note the smooth curves and the rock that is made to be a corner of two walls coming together. High up in Pisaq, I was also surprised to find this amazing aqueduct that the Incans used for water and for their purification rituals. Pisaq also had this beautiful terracing built on the sides of mountains that last to this day. Much like the Mayans, it is a marvel how they move these huge rocks to the middle of nowhere. However, I think the Incans are crazier cause they did it in high altitude on top of mountains. All I can think whenever I see such amazing structures is that someone had to be exploited to make those things. Cause my lazy ass would not be having it. I would be thinking you want me to move what??? Because you say you are the incarnation of God??? Yeah... I don't think that I could have been an Incan. After Pisaq, we went to Ollantaytambo which was really impressive. The Incans planned their cities based on their sacred animals. For example, Machu Picchu is based on the condor design. Ollantaytambo is built on the design of 2 llamas, a baby llama and a mother llama. It was an incredibly beautiful structure. The picture to the lower right is of Ollantaytambo. The picture below it is of a fountain at Ollantaytambo. If there is one symbol that represents the Incans then this picture of the fountain is an example of that symbolism. Notice the 3 step pattern along the outside and inside of fountain. This is called the Chakana and represents the 3 sacred planes of heaven, earth, and the underworld. Each of these sacred planes has an animal that represents that plane. The underworld is where the snake lives. The earth is where the puma lives and the heavens is where the condor lives. This symbol was pretty much found throughout all the Incan sites that we visited. Hiking in Peru is hard. Especially when we found out that Cuzco and the Sacred Valley is at a higher altitude than Machu Picchu. It's funny cause everyone thinks that Machu Picchu is so high up, but Cuzco is higher. I figured that once I hiked Cuzco, then Machu Picchu would be a breeze...so to speak. From Ollantaytambo we went to Chinchero to check out an Incan ruin that had a Spanish Cathedral built over it. The picture below the fountain is of the Cathedral. It's crazy because you can see where the Incan ruins end and the Spanish Cathedral begins so perfectly. The picture below the fountain is of the Cathedral in Chinchero.On our bus ride, AL and I talked to these two cool young nuns from the states. They were in their 20s and we talked a bit about liberation theology and its impact on Latin America. They also talked about the declining enrollment of nuns in the US. The median age for nuns in the US... 71 years old. That's median folks. Anyways, they were doing missions in Peru and they were saying that it was cool for them because in Peru there were many girls their age and younger becoming nuns.

Just visiting those three sites and getting lunch took the whole day and we got back at 7 pm at night. We were wiped out by then...but what an experience.

Pisco Sour, dealing with hustlers, and peruvian prices

2008-08-25T22:27:00.001-07:00

The plane flight to Peru wasn't that bad. TACA airlines is far superior to anything in the US. They were giving out not bad for airplane food breakfast omelets and free alcohol drinks. It was about 5 hours to San Salvador, which has the dubious distinction of having the highest murder rate per 100,000 people. After a 2 hour layover, it was a 4 hour flight to Lima. At Lima, we were picked up by the Hotel San Antonio Abad for free. The accommodations were ok...some of the thinnest walls in the world. We were tired from traveling so we decided to et some food and then pass out. Lima has the hustle and bustle of an industrializing city with the air to go along with it. Still not as bad as China or even Havana. We ate at an overpriced Italian restaurant with mediocre pizza and tried yuca fritas served with mayo. It was here that AL tried and fell in love with the national drink of Peru, the Pisco Sour. It's a limey tasting drink with frothy egg whites on top of it...totally to her tastes. American franchises I noticed in Miraflores. Dunkin' Donuts, McDonald's, Pizza Hut, Papa John's and Starbucks were everywhere.

The flight to Cuzco from Lima was really expensive. $802.00, but there is no direct flight to Cuzco from he Bay. You have to go through Lima. Cuzco is high up in the mountains and yours truly is prone to motion, altitude, and whatever other sickness is out there. So to deal with it, I followed local customs and traditions...coca. In the tea form and the candy form. It's a lil energizer. AL really liked the pick me up but I didn't feel any huge difference. I blame it on my 20s.

When we got to our hostel in Cuzco, we were met there by a hustler. The taxi driver actually handed us off to him and told us that the guy would take care of us. AL and I figured he was working for the Hostel with the way he came in and ordered tea for us and sat us down at the table. He started talking to us and wrote up a list of things for us to do in the short time we were in Cuzco. He also reserved train tickets to Aguas Caliente for us. Anyways, the duded wanted to charge us $900 to do a tour of the Sacred Valley, take a train to Aguas Caliente and all the tourist stuff. I was like "No Way! Too Expensive!" Then he started lowering him price to $700. All the warning signs were going off so I had to ditch the guy. I said I had to go to my room and settle in 1st. There we checked prices in Lonely Planet and came back down to the guy to say no way. Then he wanted $225 for each of us. I said no and the guy started getting belligerent. He started asking me if I was an adult or was I a serious person. So now the guy was starting to insult me. I told him to cancel the ticket and he said it was impossible. Yeah, right! I said let's go the train station and he said he wanted $50 per person to go to the train station. I laughed and said no way. Now the dude was really pissing me off. So I said let's go tot he tourist agency on Avenida del Sol and see if the prices were right, knowing there was no way he'd go to the government agency. We started to walk that way and on the way I stopped a white guy and asked him if he'd been up to Machu Picchu and how much did he pay. The guy was part of a tour, but he was saying the price on his ticket was $8. I knew that was too low but a lot better sounding than $225. After that, I knew the guy's hustle was completely blown. I got that wonderful feeling that I get when someone's gig is up. Then I was all about going to the tourist agency. Dude sarted cursing at me and it brought a smile to my face. Sweet Schadenfreude.

So when we got to the train station we could only get on a train from Ollantaytambo which is a little Incan city 2 hours away from Cuzco. Tickets from there to Aguas Caliente were $129 for the both of us. Wayyyyy better deal. The lady at the train counter also told us that there were already tickets in our name and they would have to be canceled and the guy would have to pay a 10% cancellation fee. Sweet Sweet Schadenfreude! The guy lost money talking to us.

To tour the Sacred Valley in Cuzco you have to buy a general ticket which cost 130 Nuevo Soles or roughly $46. Travel Tip: Things get cheaper and more negotiable for the same service the farther you are from the main tourist area. The Plaza de Armas is the main area and so I checked out prices there and walked away from that area. One of the things about Cuzco is that it's really high up in the mountains. 10,800 feet. I have never popped more ibuprofen in my life. We found a place called mapi trek peru that cost 60 NS or about $21. Once again, way better than the $25 per person our hostel was going to charge us and infinitely better than what the hustler wanted.

Steven Colbert and the Cookie Monster

2008-07-07T17:37:00.000-07:00

My favorite Sesame Street character is the Cookie Monster. It's his voice, his crazy eyes, his love of cookies. This skit has to be one of my favorite comedy bits I've seen in a long time.

http://www.comedycentral.com/colbertreport/videos.jhtml?videoId=174545

Update on my student graduating

2008-06-11T14:49:00.000-07:00

Great news! I just found out yesterday that my CTM is going to be school Valefuckingdictorian. I'm so ridiculously jazzed. It's like the prodigal son. He was lost and now he has returned. He is going to give a speech at the graduation and everything.

One of the qualities that helps in teaching is compassion. To train in compassion, I went vegetarian. This was a precept of my religion so it really helped me spiritually and in teaching. A quality that helps with compassion is empathy. Empathy is very important in working with kids when they are hurt, but it's even better when the kid does well. To be with someone's suffering is very important, but to share in someone's joy...that rocks!

So this Friday I get to share in the joy of my students graduating and my CTM being the valedictorian. Graduation is what teaching is all about. Whether it's the joy of getting rid of kids that get under my skin or the joy of seeing kids graduate when the deck was stacked against...I'm a happy man!

End of the fucking year

2008-06-10T13:52:00.000-07:00

Hell yeah! 2 more days till the school year is ovah! Then I'm teaching the summer bridge program and then it's off to Peru and Brazil. AL and I are going to Machu Picchu and then to Salvador and Rio. We were supposed to go to Paraguay but AL's dad backed out and then her mom didn't want to go. Then it was like...what the fuck is there to do or see in Paraguay. So I decided we should go to Peru and check out Machu Picchu.

AL is really excited to go to Brazil. We have both been dancing samba de gafieira, afro-brazilian samba, and capoeira, so she's juiced to go. This summer I got 5 weddings I'm going to be going to. People are either having babies or getting married. Either way it means my cheap ass is going to have to shell out money for something.

I got 2 students graduating. I'm proud of them both but one of them I'm really proud of. He comes from a crazy family and environment and at one point he was talking about dropping out. Then he turned everything around and started to excel. It's good when a student does well but it's even better when the student completely changes. It's seeing and being a part of that change that makes my job wonderful. It's what makes me get up in the morning and happy to be doing what I'm doing.

It's good that we're having break too cuz I was starting to not like kids. Nothing like the summer to recharge my batteries and make things better.

De Facto Head of the Department

2008-05-20T22:35:00.000-07:00

My friend and co-worker J.D. left for a job at district offices for almost twice the amount of money. I don't blame him...I mean twice??? As a result, I am now de facto head of the department. And I'm mad sick with power!!!!!!!!! MOOOHAAAA! MOOOOHAAAAA!

Over the summer, I plan on reorganizing the department and putting my thumbprint on it. I get to do things my way now. I really enjoyed working with J.D. but now it's my thang. I get to focus the department and standardize it the way that I've been wanting to. I'm going Qin Emperor style. Standardize and bury the scholars.... ok the first part not the second.

I'm also excited because now I'm going to start teaching Political Econ, American government and US history. It's on like Donkey Kong. I'm most excited for political economy because I love talking finance with the kids. Yes I'll be talking about the international global economy, but I also want to teach basic financial literacy to the kids. I was never taught basic financial literacy and had to learn it all by myself. I know for the most part that my students aren't taught it either as I've talked about it in class and they were just mystified. I firmly believe that being aware and taking control of your finances is a self-empowering political action. Understanding your own finances will also help you understand the world's finances. Investing your money in guns and not your education is going to royally fuck you...the parallels to the US go without saying.

I also think that teaching different classes will reinvigorate my pedagogy. I've gotten comfortable in my curriculum but now I'd like to try something else. More work...no accompanying raise! Gotta love it!

Sad for my boy

2008-05-02T10:52:00.000-07:00

WTF? When it rains it pours. My one kid. The one that wanted to join a gang and that I talked out of it. The one with a good heart but very little self control. He's been acting out again. He was talking shit to teachers and being disrespectful. We were going to suspend him, but I couldn't get a hold of his parents so that we could send him home. Then he started crying and saying that he wanted to talk to me. Since we were only testing right now I went into one of the therapist's room and talked to him while she took over the testing for me.

His dad has cancer. And his family is poor and won't be able to pay for any serious treatment. He's melting down and wants to say fuck it all to everything. 99.99% of the time that a kid is acting out it's because he is unhappy and there is something going. Kids don't want to be assholes and angry it's just that they don't know how to deal with their emotions. They haven't lived long enough to gain the discipline and self-awareness to control themselves. What a shitty break. His reaction is understandable, though not acceptable. It ain't right to take your shit out on others.

But he doesn't have the luxury of being able to melt down and fall apart. I told him that the last thing that his dad needs is to have to come up to the school and deal with his shit. Fuck it all is how children act. Unfortunately, he has to step up to the plate and start acting like a man. He needs to be strong for his family. Everyone is having to deal with this issue. Mom and sister don't need to have to see him fall apart while the dad is dying. He is forced to grow up faster than he wants to. I'm sad for him and sad for his family.

This situation once again highlights the problems with the American medical system. Truthfully, it's not a system. If you don't have the money, you don't have the care. And good hardworking people that are scraping by get left behind. It is shameful and disgraceful. In the richest country in the world, everyone should be taken care of. It's not like there isn't enough to go around.
No one should have to feel hopeless because they don't know how they are going to take care of their family members. It's hard enough to have to deal with cancer, you shouldn't have to deal with if you'll be able to pay for the treatment for cancer.

update on a former student

2008-04-24T21:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes this job is too hard on my heart. So my former CTM. The 49.5 one. The soft as warm butter one. When it rains it pours...

A while back this kid told me he had a girlfriend. At first I didn't believe him. Turned out it was true. And she wasn't bad looking. When he showed me her picture, I set him up for the old diss.
"Hey, she's pretty good looking...what's she doing with you?" It was perfectly timed. Everyone in the room laughed. He laughed at it. It made him feel good that I validated the looks of his girl that he got in front of everyone and I cut down his looks which made it even cooler that he was with her. This fool was so in love. He asked me to correct/read a love poem that he wrote to her. The poem was such a teenage love letter. It started with "You are my..." It was the full, wholehearted, unreserved, unabashed love that teenagers in love for the first time can only have. That compounded with his painfully sad home life made his time with her even more important and powerful.

At one time he got the girl pregnant and they lost the baby. The boy was totally fucked up by the whole thing and I probably wasn't as sensitive and understanding about his situation. Then his family pulls him from the school and he just sits around cuz he wasn't really gonna go to adult school. The kid has no academic skills. Is mentally and emotionally underdeveloped because of his home life and being picked on through most of his life. The kid had to be 6'5 or so and he would get picked on. He would come to school sometimes wearing the same clothing and sometimes smelling. Well his girlfriend got sick and died in her sleep. I know this kid well enough to know something of his heart. He is a fucking mess right now. I found this out second hand from one of his friends on Tuesday.

When I see and know kids that have no skills, nobody taking good care of them at home, no direction, and just lost, it weighs heavy on my heart. This world is an incredibly painful, sad, and unfair place. I thank God for all that I have and am angry at men for the world that we have created.

When I talk to people about the problems in innercity education, they often want to attribute the problems with the kids to the parents. It's always the parents' fault. While parents are sometimes to blame, that is only one analysis, albeit an important one. I personally blame society. It's on all our hands and on all our heads. Everyone that is alive has a part in making this society a more just and equitable society. The kids are fine. It's the adults that are fucking things up. We are not making a world that includes people and allows them to be a part of a community and society. We are not properly socializing our families, communities, society, and the world. Instead we destroy communities and families and people at the bottom are left with few means. In treating people less than human and not including and socializing them, we create people that act anti-social and destructive.

This kid was not properly socialized. His environment was too rough for him and he was too soft for most places. He was starting to be social at my school, but now I worry that he has no "safe" space to be a kid. I want to somehow get him to at least hang back out at our school (Counter to school rules) and maybe get involved with the mural project going on upstairs in the school. I like that my school provides that space for kids. But realistically, I doubt and wonder if that will really happen. It is hard for me to accept when I think that there really isn't hope for some kids.

Ain't been this sick since I can remember

2008-04-21T22:21:00.000-07:00

On the 11th, I was at school and my coworker Joseph said that he hasn't been so sick in years. I thought nothing of it until the end of the day. At the end of the day, everyone was going out for drinks to celebrate a coworker's bday. I felt like shit. I went home and passed out. On Saturday and Sunday I was too fucked up to go anywhere. Like a fool, instead of taking more time off I went to school on Monday through Thursday. Then I realized on Friday that I couldn't do it. I took Friday off and spent that day and the weekend alternating between coughing and sleeping. I coughed so often and so hard that I lost my voice.

So there I was at school today unable to talk. Physically, I feel better. But I still got a hacking cough and I can't talk. At this compromised time I also got an eczema breakout too. On my face no less. When it rains it pours. Being a teacher without your voice is somewhat emasculating. It's hard to get people's attention when you can't talk that loudly. To get kids' attention I have to bang a stick on the table. It's pretty bad. Then speak in a barely audible whisper to say a few words about whatever topic we are discussing. Not the ideal situation for me at all. Since I knew we were doing seminars in class. I printed out signs with questions on it for the kids. In class I just held up the questions and had the students discuss things.

I am tired of being tired. I am sick of being sick. I'm meta tired and meta sick. Whatever viral infection I got is an assfucking kicker. I haven't been this sick in I don't remember when. Usually when I don't feel so well I get over it in a day or so. This is kicking my ass.

The Olympics in China

2008-04-09T18:34:00.000-07:00

The Olympic torch went through San Francisco today. Gavin Newsome pulled an Operation Fortitude on everyone. This is a high profile controversial issue for China and the world.

Let me start by saying, I absolutely support the desire of the Tibetan people for their independence from China. But I also think there is a demonization of China going on. There's nothing China is doing the US hasn't done. Ask the native Americans. Yes, I wish China didn't work with Sudan. I also wish my school's SIMPLE IRA with American Funds didn't invest in Sudan either. Yes I wish China didn't sell arms to fucked up countries, but I also wish the US wasn't the largest arms dealer in the world. The West wants to control China like it did in the late 1800's. The West knows that China is a sleeping giant. Better to have as much leverage and influence in the development over that giant as possible.

I think there is a Shangri-la-ization (I know I'm making up words) of Tibet and all thing Tibetan. While I'm down with the desire of the Tibetan people I'm not a fan of the Dalai Lama. I don't like feudal theocrats. Theocrats sucks whether they are in Iran, the Vatican, Tibet, or anywhere else. Children picking personal objects is no basis for a system of government. Tibetan Buddhism is very en vogue right now. It's the TM of the moment.

Tibetan sovereignty is important but so is Hawaiian sovereignty. China invades and takes over Tibet 1950. US overthrows the Hawaiian government 1893 and makes Hawaii a state 1959. People are making this more of an issue because of the demonization of China and the exoticization of Tibetan Buddhism and the Dalai Lama.

42+6.5=49???

2008-04-01T17:12:00.000-07:00

I got this one African American kid in my CTM that I let into the school January last year. This kid is about 6ft 3in and about 250lbs. Soft as warm butter. In his interview, he started crying and he just mumbled the whole time. He talked about getting picked on at other schools. Family was not without its drama. He came to us 15 years old with 10 credits and .15 GPA.

His first quarter he earned 17 credits out of a possible 20. Over the summer he earned 5 credits. His second quarter, he earned 10 out of 20. This last quarter, he earned 6.5 credits. Academically, he just did worse and worse. He's 16 years old and he still has freshman credit. When I asked him to add his 42 total academic credits to the 6.5 hours he earned this last quarter, he paused and said 49. F-O-R-T-Y N-I-N-E! Not even 49.5. Forty Nine. I asked him "say again?" He rethought it and said 49 again.

Socially, he is doing great. He has friends that he hangs out with and he isn't picked on. I've even seen him tease other kids in the way teenage boys do when they are friends with someone.

But what do I do when a kid is improving in one area but getting worse in another? At the end of the day, I'm teaching at a school not a club for kids to hang out at.

Update April 9th: The kid's parent pulled him from the school. They are going to try and put him in an adult school nearby. I wished they would have talked to me about this. They just went and did it. He's got no skills. He's soooo not an adult. My school was somewhere he was safe and socialized. His love for school could have been used to motivate him.

Learning from my students and their culture

2008-03-17T23:38:00.000-07:00

Went to the World Affairs Council with 4 students. The speaker was the Ambassador to the United States from Sudan. The man is controversial because he states that the situation is over exaggerated. This guy was good. Slick Dick motherfucker. He could talk his way up, down, and around a subject. Real good at making interesting but inexact analogies. So he was real interesting to listen to and watch in action. He'd be a pimp if he lived in the ghetto. He did a dry run with the students and then he did the same bit with the World Affairs council.

Everyone else in the room was completely quiet and respectful. The room was predominately white upper middle class and . Here I come with 2 African American girls, 1 Vietnamese girl, and 1 Latina. One of my African American students just couldn't sit and listen to his BS a second time around. She kept making sighs of disgust and other distracting noises. At one point this upper middle class white high school girl in dress and demeanor hands back a note that says, "Dude, let make him seem impolite and not us." BTW, the word "not" was underlined. At one point I even calmed my student down.

After I got to think about it more though I am really proud of my student and ashamed of myself. I was just sitting and enjoying watching this smooth motherfucker run his game on the audience and the audience just sat there. Questions were written on a card and moderated. In Philly the guy had chairs thrown at him. The man is a mouthpiece of an undemocratic/unrepresentative authoritarian crazy ass regime (I'm not talking about putting anyone on any axis of fill in the blank) and people are just sitting quietly and listening to this guy talk. I think a part of that silence was the upper middle class white old men and some women culture. My student comes from a culture of resistance. Make some noise. Don't just sit there. The king has no clothes. He was silver tongued. And then everyone else and I clapped for the presentation at the end of it. Absurd! Both of my students couldn't have been more tuned out and disgusted. They may not have had a lot of background knowledge but they knew enough to not just be cool with a man trying to run one on everyone.

On the stepping down of Fidel Castro

2008-02-19T19:31:00.000-08:00

Much of America is turned against Fidel Castro. The propaganda machine has done a remarkable job, because many who don't know anything about US international relations history are able to recite a few negative things about Fidel. It's almost like a US cultural literacy test. But here's the thing... I agree with some of the criticisms of Castro. But I also agree with some of the good things that he did. So I was talking about it with AL, I asked her where would she rate him on a scale of world leaders. Hitler and Gandhi being the extremes. Mostly good or mostly bad? She said mostly good and that's where I'm at too.

The thing that Castro achieved in Cuba was that he set the floor. He set the floor for Cuba so that all leaders that follow cannot go under that floor. I hope Literacy and Health Care will be his legacy to Cuba. I mean a teacher climbs a mogote twice a week in Vinales to teach one student. Castro brought inclusion of the campesinos into society. In comparison to other neighboring Caribbean countries there is less crass disparity. No one is starving to death, city folk are hustling...but no one is starving. People in the country and the city look healthy. Castro has done a lot improve the general quality of life for the greatest number of people.

The problem is the ceiling. It's too low and the floor's too high. And the doors are closed to the building and they won't let you out. This can completely stifle the creative nature of people. Beto wants to travel to Brazil and dance in the Carnaval parade, but he never will under the present Castro/post-Castro regime.

Don't nationalize shit! Or if you do, know that the corporations and their US government sponsors are going to try and get you. Mohammad Mossadeq nationalized Anglo Iranian oil and he got the Showtime at the Apollo hook from the Dulles brothers. Castro took some shit from US corporations. It was on Cuban soil and was the riches of the country. But those Fruit people mean business and I am so serious.

It's not like Castro invaded and occupied a foreign country either. He was born and bred in Cuba and the scope of his power was largely confined to Cuba. He didn't have the out of area capability that the US has.

Castro. He did a lot of fucked up things and a lot of good things. But all in all, I'd say he did more good than bad.

La Vida Loca

2008-02-07T14:57:00.000-08:00

I have this student who's been with me since I started at school. In his ninth and tenth grade year I used to call him goofy. He was a goofy ass kid that played around too much but he had a good heart and was truthfully a sweet kid.

Lately, there's been a change. Now the kid's in the 11th grade and the hormones are raging. He's got a girlfriend at school and they are constantly making out. I joke to him that I rarely see his face anymore and mostly it's just the back of hers.

But that isn't the real problem. His new girl and her friends (which have become his friends) are involved in a Mexican gang. He's been coming to school wearing the colored t-shirt, the belt, the one glove, the whole nine. He was telling me that he was having problems at home and that his mom and dad got into a fight and he had to step in between them against his dad. He's having a lot of problems at home and he's running to this girl and her friends to get away from it. Now I find out that he's been talking about being jumped in. I've talked with him numerous times but his behavior just keeps getting worse and worse. If he gets jumped in it's for life. To get jumped out...well he might not make it through that. The thing is that the kid doesn't have it in him to be a gang member. He's too soft. He's 16 years old, got both parents who take care of him well enough that he doesn't have a job, he hasn't grown up in the life, and he's just a nice soft hearted kid. A kid like that would get tested on the streets like he's never been tested before and would have to act twice as crazy to get respect. Twice as crazy = twice as stupid and 1000 X more likely to get killed.

A lot of kids talk to me about gang life and I ask every single one of them "Why do Nortenos hate Surenos?" or "Why do Surenos hate Nortenos?" Very very few can answer me. It usually just boils down to "Because they are different colors." Hey that a great fucking answer. Kids that don't even know the history of the beef wanting to kill each other. A lot of the kids that are in the life don't want to be in it either. They just have all their friends in it and they don't know what to do. I tell all my kids the same thing... the last thing that we need is more colored kids killing each other and destroying families.

But I don't know what to do with this kid. He's young, he's horny, he's getting some ass for the first time in his life, he doesn't want to be at home cuz he's fighting with his dad. I can't compete with that. Shit, I went through much of the same thing. If it wasn't for martial arts, I would have gotten into waaaay more trouble. When we talk one on one, he's cool. When he steps out the door though he's got to put on the act. This act is going to get him killed and I feel helpless because I can't seem to get him to turn away from it.

Making goals

2008-01-30T20:12:00.001-08:00

So I came back from the New Year's break wanting to have the kids make resolutions. But then I decided that instead of resolutions I would have the students make goals. Resolutions are broken all the time. So we read about making goals and I had students focus on making S.M.A.R.T. goals. S.M.A.R.T. being specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and timebound.

I had students make lifetime, 25 years, 5 years, 1 year, 6 months, 1 month, and daily goals in 6 different areas. The areas are family and home, spiritual and ethical, social and cultural, financial and career, physical and health, and mental and educational. I told students that they had to have 3 copies. One for me, one that they keep with themselves, and one that they physically posted up on my back wall. I feel that the physical act of posting up their goals will give them more pride and ownership of the goals. When it came time for the goals to be due I got one student turn it in on time. Now 3 weeks later I am still getting some laggers. I realized after doing the assignment that it brought up some powerfully strong emotions with some of my students. Students were forced to confront their lives and oftentimes look at all the obstacles that are in the way of their success. After reading through some of the goals it became very easy to see that many students are lost. It's not that I was expecting kids to know exactly what they wanted in their lives. God knows that when i was their age I had no clue. But I was hoping that the assignment would force them to think about their lives. And for many it seemed that it was the first time that they did really think about it. I wanted them to understand that if they have goals then they need a plan to get them to their goals.

I also tied in metacognitive exercises with the assignment as a way for students to understand metacognition and apply it to their lives. It's not just enough to think about things. They have to evaluate how things are going with their plans and make changes as needed.

Unhappy Holidays and Dance Dance Revolution

2008-01-01T14:40:00.000-08:00

The last week before the break I told all my students that they needed to hold it together and take care of all their shit before the break. Unfortunately, I had students melting down left and right. I finally realized what it was.

The holidays can be a rough time for a lot of people. If you don't have a good family life or a lot of money then the holidays can be a depressing time. During the break, people are supposed to get together with their families and give and get presents. The holidays are the time of conspicuous American consumption. Lots of businesses really rely on the holidays to keep their businesses going. If you are living at a group home like a number of students then you aren't hanging out with your family. You also won't be getting a lot of presents. If your family is filled with jerks and/or drug addicts then you won't be getting a lot of presents. If you see everyone around you getting stuff and showing off their new presents, it's a stark reminder of what you don't have. Sometimes, students and people aren't consciously aware of the depression brought on the holidays and they just act out.

When school got out on Friday, we had a lot of students just hanging out around the school. When I was in high school and there was a break the last place I wanted to be was at the school. Like many of my students, sometimes I started the break early on Thursday and skipped Friday. But the students' desire to stay just shows how much the students need and like my school.

Friday before break was a minimum day so I busted out the Dance Dance Revolution to play with kids. I cannot tell you the response that Dance Dance Revolution has among the students. At one point I must have had 50 some odd students in my class watching kids do Dance Dance Revolution. There is this one student that we have who is completely socially awkward and somewhat mentally unstable. The best thing for this kid is a safe place and proper socialization. He got on the Dance Dance Revolution and when he was done the entire classroom erupted in cheers for him. Knowing this kid's history I'm sure that this was the first time he'd ever had a group of people cheering for him. It was an incredible experience to be a part of.

The worst times of the quarter

2007-12-11T22:17:00.001-08:00

For me, the worst times of the quarter are the beginning and the end. At the end, we have to collect and grade last second work from the students, give grades and detailed comments, meet with parents, deal with my students that didn't get full credit or are slippin, and plan for the next quarter. My students also tend to melt down because they are trying to make up for all the work that they hadn't been doing during the quarter.

When the new quarter starts we have to create and schedule students for Wednesday elective classes, meet with my new homeroom students and their parents, schedule new homeroom students, create lesson plans and execute them, deal with kids goofing off because it's the start of the new quarter and they think they can, deal with la vidas loca of my students, and update homeroom student grades and credits in their files. So little of my job seems to be actually in the classroom teaching.

Losing a good person

2007-11-10T20:31:00.000-08:00

I had this one student. He was an amazing kid. He lived a crazy life. His biggest enemy was himself. He didn't think that he would live past 24 years old. His environment was leading him to a quick death. He got into it with a female student and now he is out of the school. I was really bummed to lose him. He needed the safety and stability of my school to restrain himself for his own good.

"Jesus on the lean donkey is the emblem of how the rational intellect must control the animal-soul. Let your spirit be strong like Jesus or the worn out donkey grows to a dragon." -Jelaludin Rumi

This girl tried to step up to him like she was a guy and she got punked. He threw some silly putty right into her face. Since he went there, he's gotta go. I know that girl and she likes to talk some shit. There are certain people that you can't go there with. This kid is one of them. Once again, I'm not condoning what he did...but she got her karmic result from talking shit to the wrong people.

Now this kid talks shit too. No doubt. He's an angry angry young black kid who is brilliant but his anger runs him. He witnessed domestic violence against his mom and yet he's misogynistic. No father in his life. He's been in juvenile hall and we got him with an ankle bracelet. He doesn't have 3 squares a day and has no money in his pocket. He has to hustle for what he wants. I was giving him noodle bowls and pop tarts. He doesn't feel that he has control over his life. He was scraping by and decided that he if he was going down in this world he wasn't going out like a little bitch. It was so hard to watch a brilliant kid whose justified anger coupled with a tall frame and dark skinned blackness conspired against him. Society and family life had traumatized him. He needed therapy. But people feared his large framed angry darkness. The kid was always respectful to me and 100% honest. Dead honest. No filter dead honest. I was trying to get him to code switch and it was happening.

I'm saddened because I fear for his life. 105 murders in Oakland so far. 80%+ of the students in my class have lost someone close to them by violence. My school was a place he was safe from the crazy streets and his personal life. He once said to another teacher he would rather die than go back to prison and lose his freedom. Good luck G.

Haters!!!

2007-11-05T15:02:00.000-08:00

The present fucking zeitgeist is anti-LGBT. Unfortunately, this plays out in my school too. We've had some racist and homophobic language written on our bathroom walls. For example, there was one writing specifically stating that one of our gay students gets it up the butt. Then we recently had "Faggot ass niggers go home!" and other wonderfully written phrases. In response to this, I started up a Gay-Straight Alliance to deal with the homophobia and try to make the school safer and more secure for everyone. Unfortunately, we encountered a significant amount of resistance from the parents of the students in the GSA. Apparently, Christians aren't too fond of homosexuality and don't want their kids anywhere near a GSA. Of course, their children in the GSA weren't gay because... there are no gay Christians!!!

Anyways, I recently had some speakers come to a class to talk about being gay and the issues they confront. I wanted students to meet some gay people and humanize their situation. Get it across to people that it isn't ok to be hateful and intolerant. Well apparently some students couldn't deal with this and took to telling their mommies. Then I find out that the school got called because a parent was pissed off. She wanted to know if we were going to show the other side of the story and wanted to come in and speak on the Christian ideal. My coworkers talked to her but I didn't get the chance cause I was on a field trip. When I got back, the student came up to me and told me that his mom wanted to speak to me. I called her on the phone and talked to her and asked her what she would do if "Faggot ass niggers go home!" was written on the walls of her school. She didn't have an answer for me. Once again she wanted to know if I was going to present the other side of the story. This was absurd to me because heterosexuals weren't the victims. No one was hating on heterosexuals. So what, if I'm going to teach about racism I should bring in a neo-Nazi??? Fucking ridiculous! I bet that if "Fucking Niggers go home!" was written on the wall, people would be outraged and want to do something to make it better. But if you put the word faggot in front then it's ok because it's really referring to the homosexuals and not really the racial part of it.

When I was talking with a group of students about the homosexuality and their views I found it very interesting when one student that was Christians said to me that his religion taught him to hate gay people. But he said that he didn't believe that because he had been around them and didn't find them to be any different than anyone else. All week long it rang in my head him saying that his religion taught him to hate. It's incredibly ironic that a figure as loving as Jesus has spawned so many "followers" that are hateful and intolerant. I'm not a Christian but I know enough about Jesus to know that he wouldn't like being used to justify violence and repression.

A totally unacceptable situation

2007-10-28T11:46:00.000-07:00

So 3/4ths of the students at my school are on free and reduced lunch. I've never liked the school lunches that are sent to us, but there didn't seem to be any other alternatives. Then one day I was told by another teacher that the boxes our school lunches were being sent in contained roaches. Kids were stomping on roaches as they took their lunches from the box where the roaches came from. I was angry to say the least but luckily a past parent sent me a news article about a company called Revolution Foods. Then I spoke to a friend at another school and he told me that his school worked with the company and they really liked it. He said one of the good things about the company was they were able to give feedback to the company and have menus changed as a result. I gave them a call and set up a meeting.

The meeting went well and our principal was down with the company. Here's the problem though, right now our food is supplied to us by the district. There are cafeterias at various schools and they make the food for the district. Then the food is sent to other schools within the district. This means the roaches we are getting are coming from the cafeteria at another school. The snag is the food services at the other schools. Working with Revolution Foods would be a direct threat to the business and personnel of the food services throughout the district. In my opinion, if the food that we are getting is bad and unsanitary, then I'm not worried about the business and personnel at food services. I believe that the goal of everyone working in or with education should be the advancement and enhancement of the students. I know, I know it's crazy talk. If food services isn't doing its job right then we need to get something better. They have had plenty of feedback to know that the food they are serving isn't that good. They have had plenty of time to correct the situation.

There are those that would say that the kids should be lucky to have any food at all. I agree with that. Some bad food is better than no food at all. However, in the richest and strongest country in the world I think we have to have significantly higher standards than that. I know, once again it's crazy talk. One option is to get the parents involved. We have to get the parents to push the school district to allow us to change the situation. If we try to change things in-house it won't happen. The push has to come from outside and if parents make a big enough stink then there could be a change. We'll see what happens in the coming weeks.

Raiders vs Kansas City

2007-10-24T17:50:00.000-07:00

What a heartbreaking game. The Raiders had a chance to win it. But an interception ended that. Culpepper holds onto the ball too long and his accuracy was way off. I also saw him bobble some snaps that he shouldn't. But the Raiders could have won that game. When you got a QB as inaccurate as Culpepper you need to run the ball as much as possible. The Raiders did that, but in the end Culpepper rushed and threw the game ending interception. Hopefully the game against the Titans will be better.

Raiders at San Diego

2007-10-15T17:32:00.001-07:00

At the end of the day, the Raiders still need a lot of work. Running the ball on Miami was great but only because Miami was weak against the run. The zone blocking scheme gives the guys something to work with. And having a scheme and being bad at it is better than having no scheme and being bad. You can improve in a scheme. The problem is who is better at defending against the zone blocking scheme than those in the AFC west. Division rivals see each other the most. They have to know their most immediate enemy the most. But this didn't explain why Kiffin didn't try to establish the run. I understand that the Raiders got behind early, but you can't make your team one dimensional.

And Daunte... rough. My friend that grew up in Minnesota and a Viking fan tipped me to the fumbly-bumbly hands of Daunte Culpepper. He is at best a transitional quarterback that can win enough games to be respectable until JaMarcus can be phased in. I can understand Kiffin wanted to get Daunte going early... but you have to give the man some breathing room. He was only like 5/12 or something in the game against Miami. Run the ball.

LaDanian Tomlinson is the best running back in the NFL in my opinion. I just wish that he wasn't in the AFC west so that I could like him more. The man is amazing. I am glad that he has Norv Turner as a coach instead of Marty Schottenheimer. I think Norv is a great offensive coordinator but I don't think he's a good coach. I don't think he's a good leader of men. Schottenheimer couldn't win the big one, but he won almost all the little ones.

Raiders Thoughts

2007-10-14T12:14:00.000-07:00

I've been a Raiders fan for a while. In that time, I've had a lot to complain about. For the longest time, I have been harping on why the Raiders don't use a zone blocking scheme. When I first learned what a zone blocking scheme was I became a convert. As much as I hate the Broncos, I respect what they do. Terrell Davis' game in the Superbowl really showed me the power and importance of the running game. Elway was choking in the '97 Superbowl. They won that Superbowl on the legs of Terrell Davis. Terrell Davis and the lightest offensive line in the league. However, Denver had the zone blocking of Alex Gibbs. Then Gibbs goes to Atlanta and they are a top running unit. Then, Gibbs consults and Tom Cable is learning the scheme. Now we got Tom Cable and the line is 1000% better. Lamont Jordan, a RB I've never been impressed by, was running like a champ under the zone blocking scheme. Then, Justin Fargas, another RB I've never liked, comes in and runs like a champ. The scheme is why Denver has been producing 1000+ yd backs for so long. Blocking is also better in pass protection. To put things in perspective though, Miami sucks shit.

Reflections on my third year

2007-10-09T15:44:00.000-07:00

So being in my third year is great!!! There is a really high teacher turnover rate and I can understand why. The first year is a killer! The second year I marveled at how much more sleep I was getting, but I was still doggy-paddling. The third year things just make so much more sense and are so much easier. My teaching is better and students are learning more while having more fun. My interpersonal relations with students are smoother and less fraught with rancor. Teachers just need to get to the third year and the sailing is a lot smoother. Also, the staff at school is more unified and on top of things. We can now work on the task of truly making the school better instead of just trying to get a lesson plan together and survive the day.

Over the summer, I did a lot of thinking. I thought a lot about why I wasn't getting along with kids and kids weren't getting along with me. I realized that I was being too strict. Many of the students at my school haven't had much discipline in their lives. They aren't used to people asking how they are doing in their classes and keeping tabs on them. Many students hate school and haven't achieved in school for various reasons. Sometimes the hard approach isn't always the best. I had to take a more Daoist approach to things. I have to be more yielding and practice wu-wei. Through doing nothing all things are done. Also, I thought about how well I get along with people in the different areas of my life. It was stupid that I wasn't getting along with students. I realized that I had to be myself more and have some more fun. Because when I was getting on students it wasn't making me happy and it wasn't making them happy. So now I try to allow my regular personality to shine (within reasonable and acceptable school boundaries), and I find my interaction with students are 100% better.

Right now I'm teaching two Intro to World culture Classes and I'm trying to access as much prior and self knowledge from the students as possible. So I'm asking them how they celebrate weddings, how they do funerals, holidays they celebrate, and other questions about their cultural background. Many kids don't know their cultural traditions and histories so it's a good exercise to force them to learn and also interact with their parents. But it also made me think a lot about my own cultural background. Chinese people will yell at you in hopes of making you better, so that you won't be satisfied, and so you won't become arrogant. It is their way of showing they care. If they don't care about you they just ignore you. As much as I've always hated that aspect of my culture I find myself mimicking the behavior. It's part of the socialization process. Then I find myself doing this behavior with students that don't have that within their cultural background. And surprise! It don't work. So with each kids being different and being from different cultural backgrounds I have to figure out how to interact with them in a way that works.

2007-09-03T18:20:00.000-07:00

On Thursday, AL and I rode in a '57 Chevy with Papo's nephew Eric to the Cueva de San Tomas. Unfortunately, the guide was not there...he was on vacation. Hey, everybody should have a vacation. So then our plans changed and we decided to go to the Cayo Jutia beach. It was a long drive and the road wasn't very good. Cubans don't give much space to pedestrians or other vehicles and it can be a bit unnerving. I guess I'm also a bit gunshy because I've been the passenger in accidents in Taiwan, China, and then someone I knew dying in a car accident in Mexico. The first dead body I ever saw was a traffic accident in Taiwan. In my area, we give pedestrians wide berth and veer into other lanes to completely make sure. But in Cuba, they roll right up on a person's side, even when the other lane was completely empty.

Anyways, the beach was way cleaner than Playa del Este and had a lot less people. But for me most importantly...I didn't see SHIT floating in the water. I'd forgotten, but tropical storms just will run up on you. It will be nice and clear...and then some dark ass clouds will roll in and dump massive amounts of rain on you. We left when the storm came with it's lightning and thunder. It seemed the right time to go. As we were driving through the downpour and the driver and his buddy are wiping down the fog in the window, I had a moment of temporary panic. But then I told myself who drives better in the rain than people that drive in the rain all the time. Plus we were in a big old school American car and there weren't many cars in the road.

On our way out we got stopped at a checkpoint and a cop gave Eric a ticket because he wasn't supposed to be taxing us aruond. This was the first time that I'd seen a Cuban argue with the police. Eric was by no means being aggressive, but he was definitely pleading his case. I've seen locals stopped in Cuba all the time, but they were all very deferring. I thought it was weird that we had to carry around a passport to the beach, but now I understood why. Cops are always stopping people for whatever reason.

The best time we've had in Cuba has been in Vinales. The family we stayed with are incredible and a very loving family. You can't fake he way their kids are. To show our appreciation, we bought Papo a bottle of Ron Anejo Especial just the kind he said he likes. I also left a lot of pens with Magali because she's a teacher, her sisters are teachers, and the kids could definitely use them. Our next step was back to Havana and then to Cancun.

Climbing mogotes, the revolution, and help from the saints

2007-08-27T20:20:00.000-07:00

The revolution is alive in the countryside. In the country, the people love Fidel. Papo was telling me that Fidel walked on the street right in front of his house. I said we talked to people in the city and they didn't like the revolution and they wanted something else. Papo said that people in the city don't want to work, they want to live but they don't want to work. Considering how hard people in the country work...I'd have to agree with him.

On Wednesday, Papo took us on a walk up a mogote where a water cult called "Los Aguaticos" once lived. Now there are only 5 families left up there. The climb was fun and we saw a lot of vultures. There were a ton of mango trees and Papo pointed out a lot of different plants to us. The view at the top of the mogote was magnificent . Vinales is a beautiful lush valley and is perhaps one of the most beautiful views I've ever seen.

While we were up there, we met another guide and Spanish couple at one of the abandoned houses. Their guide was hilarious and sang all these revolutionary songs about beating the Yankees. Papo was telling me that Fidel brought the government to Vinales and the people. Before only the people on the coast had stuff. Fidel brought education, healthcare and greater development to Vinales. What Fidel brought to the people is also what attracted Chinese to Mao. For much of history the vast majority of the people had nothing and a select elite had access to "luxuries" like education and healthcare. As AL and I were driving out of Havana, we saw all these gigantic and palatial estates in Miramar. I thought to myself, no wonder the Floridians are so angry at Castro. He took their nice shit from them. I read that at one point, US companies owned 2/3rds of Cuba's farmland and most of its mines. And this was a country whose economy was largely based on sugar. I remember when the US freaked out because Arabs wanted to buy a port in the US from a British company. Can you imagine a foreign nation owning 2/3rd of US farmlands and mines???

As we continued on the hike, Papo took us to a family of farmers that lived on the top of the mountains. What a hard life that must be. The view from there house was amazing and the family was really cool. The man was named Antonio, his wife was Sophia and their 9 year old son Noel. We drank good dark coffee, freshly made lime juice, and we sat on their rocking chairs overlooking the beautiful valley. It was incredibly tranquil and serene.

As we were walking down, I asked Papo how Noel went to school. He said that a teacher climbs the mountain twice a week to teach Noel. Incredible. The teacher goes to the student. And having climbed the mountain... it wasn't an easy climb. Plus, I'm figuring that the teacher has other students to teach...so, I guess I'm just a whiny baby when I complain about commuting a half and hour on the bus to my work. Teachers climbing mountains to teach students is yet another reason the people in the country love Fidel. The walk down the mogote was incredibly easy. When I said this to Papo he laughed and told us of a Cuban saying that when you go downhill all the saints are helping you. To which I replied that when you are climbing up you are all alone.

The only drawback of staying with Papo was that his place had no air conditioning. When we got back to our place the town also had a general blackout which meant no fan. Luckily it started raining really hard and that cooled things down. In August, it is easily in the low 90's with 100% humidity. It sucks and all I do is sweat.

Vinales and spelunking

2007-08-21T21:18:00.000-07:00

On Monday, we made our way to the town of Vinales in the western province of Pinar del Rio. From Havana Centro it was a 3 hour bus ride. The countryside was really beautiful and it was so nice to leave the hustle and bustle of Havana. Havana was cool but we were both getting sick of city life. First off, we're not really city people. The throngs of people, the pollution, and the constant hustling were starting to wear on us. At Vinales we were met by a friend of Mary's and taken to her casa. The couple were named Papo and Magaly. They are a really nice couple and they really took their time in talking with us and explaining all the things we could do in Vinales. Vinales is a real small town with a main road and maybe 4 parallel roads. When you're in Vinales you have to immediately slow down. It's really quite nice and a wonderful contrast to Havana. In many ways I felt like I was in Hawaii. The air is fresh, the people are nicer, and the pace is infinitely slower. There are chickens walking down the street and I can hear a pig in the neighbor's backyard.

The family made dinner for us and they are wonderful cooks. They made the best rice and black beans we've had in Cuba period. After early dinner, we walked around down and did a bit of exploration. There are essentially 3 bars in town and walking the length of the town took about 1/2 hour at a VERY leisurely pace. It was nice to be in a place where we could see the stars and hear crickets. In Havana I could hear the thump thump thumping of music at 4 o clock in the morning. In this environment, there is something calming to hear the buzz of a light or a refrigerator, the sound of a fan blowing, or the occasional roar of a passing motorcycle.

The next morning I woke up tired and angry. Here's the thing with living in the country. Fucking rooster at 5 o fucking clock in the morning. I'm a vegetarian, but I thought to myself, "I'm going to catch that rooster, kill it, and eat it!" After our wonderful breakfast we went horseback riding through the valley with a guide named Domingo. The scenery in Vinales is breathtaking. We rode through crops of yucca, rice, tobacco, and corn. The mogotes, as they are called here, are mountains that look similar to the mountains in southern China. It reminds me of kids filling up a bucket full of sand and then turning them over. The area here is incredibly lush and is the tobacco region of Cuba. The dirt here is a bright bright red and very productive. Apparently the soil in the south of Pinar del Rio is white.

We first rode the horses to a house where a guy grew, processed, and handrolled cigars. The cigar was so good that even Allison tried it. It was one of the smoothest cigars I've ever had. The tobacco leaves he rolled with were processed with lemon, sugar, rum, guava, and he sealed it with honey. He also made us a drink with coconut milk, rum, and honey that was really smooth. After hanging out drinking and smoking, we rode our horses to one of Pinar del Rio's many caves.

The cave was called La Cueva de Silencio and after walking for about 15 minutes we reached a natural swimming pool. One of the guides got in the water and I was the first of our group to go in. I didn't have swimming trunks on so I just got in with shorts and underwear. The water was really cold and I followed the guide deeper into the pool with a group of Spaniards trailing behind. The thing about being in a cave is that it's pitch black. If you are outta the light you don't see shit. All I could think the whole time I'm moving through the water is that this was the beginning of a scary movie. What really freaked me out was at the other end of the pool were a trio sitting in the dark. By the mud on their faces and bodies I figured they were making out. Menage a trois freakers making out in a cave. It was pretty cool checking out real stalactites and stalagmites. After that we rode back and my ass was saddlesore. I just had to laugh cause it hurt so bad and both our right knees were fucked up because of it. Plus, our horses seemed to be in competition with each other as each jockeyed with the other to be in the front. I think our guide was getting a kick out of it because our horses started to speed up which made my ass hurt all the more. What the fuck can you do? I wasn't about to walk back. I've never been spelunking before and I had to say that I had a great time. Allison... not so much. But hey... it was something new and different to do.

Getting propositioned in Cuba, sweating, and the national dog

2007-08-20T17:25:00.000-07:00

Sunday was our last day of folklorico dance. We haven't really been doing salsa rueda at all and have just been doing folklorico. Dancing rueda is intimidating. In rueda, moves are called out and then everyone does those moves. If you don't know the moves it is very obvious to all the people doing the correct moves.

So everyone talks about Cuban cigars and I've been wanting to go to a factory for a while. We decided to go to the Partagas factory but the place was closed. The store was open and so we perused. Not that we could have bought because shit was ridiculous. Boxes of cigars for 300 CUCs or more. There was a 1500 humidor as well. Unbelievable.

Then I decided to get a guayabera. I had noticed a nice store in Habana Vieja so we walked our asses over there. The shop was closed and this was actually the third time I'd tried to go to this store. Now as an American my gut instinct was to ask, "How do you make money?", but then again I wasn't in America. Since that wasn't happening we decided to get the touristy carriage ride. Actually, I gotta say it was a pretty cool ride and very informative. It was here that we found the Rum museum. We also saw sections of Habana Vieja we never saw before. Definitely the touristy area, but hey there was a lot of history there. I saw the birthplace of Jose Marti and I really paid attention to the big oil tanker from Venezuela as we passed by the port. So when we were done, we decided to go back to the Rum Museum. hehe...hehe...hehe...

We started walking and came upon the casa de las arabes. It cost 1 CUC to check it out and so Allison and I went in on my insistence. There was a room with Muslim rugs, clothing, and a mannequin in a burqa. The guy was working there was cool and we tried talking in my poor, limited, and broken Spanish. I understood a good bit but missed a lot more I'm sure. he showed me the mosque which I later read was the only working mosque in Havana. He said there were about 40 followers that came on Friday. As a gift I gave him a lapel pin of this hindu god named Jagannath. Jagannath is the hindu god of universal love, brotherhood and no caste distinction. On top of that he's a happy smiley face. I also have been giving out ballpoint pens to everyone that we came in contact with and were cool to us. People really appreciated the pin and the pens a lot. So far, I've seen cathedrals, a mosque, 2 synagogues, and people that practice Santeria, but no hindus. And of course when we got to the Rum Museum it was closed.

At this point, AL was getting tired and still getting over being sick. We went home to drop her off and so I decided to get out and take pictures of El Barrio Chino. We had a charged batteries and 2 GBs of memoy. I could afford to go Japanese tourist crazy. I'm taking pictures of everything that's got Chinese writing on it and anything that looks remotely Asian. It was here I learned about the very different experience of going out by myself. In short, I got propositioned 3 times. Nothing like that ever happened when I was with AL, but as soon as I was alone... women were asking me if I wanted a friend/companion.

When I was walking on the main Chinese restaurant strip I met another Chino Latino. Half Chinese guy named Enrique Chung that owned a restaurant named the Great Wall. Enrique also happens to be a pimp because he asked me if I wanted mojitos, cigars, or a woman. I told him that I was married and he backed off. Then, moments later one of his girls came up to me and he told her to back off. What a trip. Across the street from him was another restaurant with another Chino-Latino and he was of the full blooded variety. I thought he was a tourist at first cause he was full blooded and was eating with chopsticks. Of course, it turned out that he was the boss and the restaurant was the only place with a real Chinese chef. The place was called Tien-Tan and sports a tai-chi symbol on the wall. Though I didn't eat there, my money would be on that place as having good Chinese food. In the Bay Area, I have certain rules about where I'll eat Chinese food. The first most important thing is word of mouth. If I am just checking out a new place I look for how many Chinese people are there. Then I look to see if they have chopsticks on the table or a fork and knife. Since Cuba didn't have any Chinese people and every restaurant had fork and knives, I'd go with the place with a real Chinese chef and the old Chinese owner sitting outside.

When I got back, AL was feeling better and wanted to eat at a paladares. She wanted some rice and beans and there's no shortage of that. Paladares prices are usually set at around 10 CUCs and include some salad, your choice of meat, rice, beans, and a drink. It was at the paladares that I devised another method for saving money as a vegetarian. First, ask the price for the food or a menu. If they don't have a menu, ask what is included in the meal for 10 CUCs, making sure to ask if drinks are included. Then you ask how much things would be without meat and say how expensive meat is. The restaurant will usually quote you a lower price. You can also ask how much meat items cost and then say that you are a vegetarian and that you don't want the meat. I didn't come up with this entire method until after we ordered, but when I had argued that things should be cheaper cause we weren't ordering meat, the girl agreed with me but said that my cold which I was already drinking had cost 3 CUCs. This was a total lie since beer is 1 CUC, but I didn't pursue it any further. She said that we could share a meal because it was a lot. The meal was ok and all in all our meal cost 15 CUCs. 10 for our meal and they charged us 3 CUCs for a guava juice AL ordered and a 2 CUC "service charge" that is essentially like a tax. I've noticed that some places charge that and some don't.

Sidenote: Late July and August is the hottest time in Cuba. It's hot and humid and literally all I did was sweat. Now when many people use the word literally, they actually mean figuratively as in "I literally jumped out of my skin." But when I say "literally all I did was sweat" I mean literally all I did was sweat. Sitting in the living room that doesn't have air conditioning, I sweat. I eat at a paladares and I sweat. I walk around and sweat. There are only 2 times when I'm not sweating and that's when I'm sitting in an air conditioned room and when I'm in the rain. And even the latter I'm not sure of because I think I maybe can't tell that I'm sweating.

The national dog of Cuba is the dachshund. Ok, I don't think Cuba has a national dog, but if they did I think that the dachshund would be it. There are little weiner dogs everywhere. Everyone has got one. You can even see that some of the strays are mixed with dachshund. I wonder what led to everyone getting one? Was it a fashion statement? I know when the Queen of Denmark got a wirehaired dachshund, it became very fashionable for others to get one. Maybe the same thing happened in Cuba. everyone wanted one. Did Fidel have a dachshund?

"El ultimo" and awkward situations

2007-08-14T10:22:00.000-07:00

On Saturday AL was feeling sick. Since we had eaten the same exact thing I wondered what was giving her such bad problems. Our friend Yeni said that maybe it was the heat because that can cause similar problems. Either way I had a private dance lesson.

After that I went to go exchange money at the cadeca. In Cuba, people are used to waiting in lines and in this case it was no different. There is even a term they use to describe the last in line. You are "el ultimo". As I was standing there, an older cuban lady asked me if I had lines like this in the US. I said no and she laughed. Then, I described the oddity of seeing cops on the beach. The lady said they were in the mountains too. A guy standing nearby chimed in with a joke that Cuba had 2 million people and 1 million were cops. Both Cubans laughed at the joke.

Since AL was out, I went out with the dance group to Palenque. Palenque means a hideout for runaway slaves, but here it was a dance performance. To get there we took a private Cuban cab. You know how you hear about old ass American cars in Cuba? Well a lot of those are private taxis. So we got into an old American car and Hermes passed around some rum that they sell in containers like juice boxes. Rum in juice box containers. I love it. Innovative. Because sometimes you don't want a bottle.

At Palenque they performed folklorico, rumba, and salsa. I got to see the performance of Eleggua done by someone in full costume. Let's just say there was a world of difference between the stuff I was doing and what this person was doing. As I watch the dances and learn more and more about Santeria I become more and more a henotheist. I respect the other gods, but follow only one. After the performance people just started dancing salsa and there were some amazing dancers there. One off the things I really loved about Cuba is that people of all ages dance. It's cool to see grandmas dancing. Young or old, fat or skinny, everyone dances. This is something Americans really have a problem with. We are so inhibited. I think it has a lot to do with our puritanical backgrounds. The only time many Americans feel comfortable dancing is when they are trashed.

After the performance was finished, I decided to take everyone out to eat. I could only do this because AL and I saved a lot of money, we'd been budgeting, and things are relatively cheap in Cuba. The ride back was in another old American car where we dropped people already in the car off at various locations. We ended up going to the paladares that AL and I got up from when we were with our biker Danny. Hilarious, but I didn't mind eating with these guys.

In a relative sense, AL and I have a lot more than most in Cuba. Even I make more in a day than most make in a month. But when you are generous with people they start asking for more and more. For example, one of the dancers had a backpacks with numerous holes and asked me i I could help him out with a new backpack. I was going to send everyone a care package of things they needed but it would be cheaper for him and us to get a backpack here. Plus, he needed it now. So I kicked him down 10 CUCs to get a backpack and he was happy. But after we were done walking back from dinner he asks me if I can leave my Keen's sandals with him. Now I like this guy but I wasn't about to give him my Keen's. In a relative sense, I'm doing very well compared to him. But in the US, I don't get a big ass paycheck. I explained to him my situation and told him no. It was just weird though to be placed in that situation.

When I went back to our casa AL was sitting reading the last Harry Potter. Good book when you're under the weather.

Hitting the beach in Havana province

2007-08-12T19:39:00.002-07:00

On Friday, the 27th of July, AL and I had our daily dance class. After that we decided to go to the beach. But we didn't want to go to the tourist beach we wanted to go to where the locals were. We were told by our family we were staying with that we should go to Playa Del Este. We walked over to the Plaza Hotel where we thought there would be a bus and found out that we had to book a day in advance. Here's a tip: the buses in Cuba are actually pretty good and it's not a bad idea to take a bus to get to places. Buses with private companies are comparably priced and make less stops. So AL and I looked up the cost of a bus with Havanatur to Vinales and found it was roughly the same as our reservation but we didn't have to take a taxi to the inconveniently located public bus terminal. Also we didn't have to leave at 9:00 in the morning and would make less stops.

Since we had planned to go to the beach and couldn't get a bus we decided to take a taxi. It cost us 15 CUCs to get there and was well worth it. This is another important thing we learned. Traveling sucks. Sometimes it's better to just spend a few bucks more on traveling to get there in relative comfort. But ultimately you have to pick and choose. In my opinion, if the place is relatively close then save your money. But if the place takes time to get there, pay for comfort. In most places you probably won't end up spending that much more money.

The drive out of Havana was beautiful. Cuba has a lush landscape and you see that as you leave the main city area. Our driver was a Chino-Latino and he showed us an ID card that said his name was Jesus Chiu Alvarez. Fucking hilarious! I love it. It was Friday, so when we got to the beach it was packed. Also, everyone had pool reclining chairs and an umbrella that they rented. Of course, they paid in Moneda Nacional while we paid in CUCs. But it really didn't cost that much. I think 6 CUCs all together. The Cuban sun is really hot so I was glad to get there after 2:00. That's something I learned in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil. Stay out of the sun from 11-2 which is the hottest part of the day. Though later, a Cuban said to me that 1-3 was the hottest part of the day in Cuba. My farmer tan and white bodied self needed some color, but even after 2 I knew I shouldn't stay out too long. There is nothing like chilling out on a beach on a tropical island to make you really feel like you are on vacation.

Sitting in front of us were 2 Spanish couples. One of them came up to me and said in English that I should be careful because he had his cell phone right next to him, closed his eyes for a second and it was gone. People target tourists. And it is always easy to spot them.

Anyways, one of the things that I immediately noticed was the huge amounts of alcohol at the beach and how dirty it was. People would bring entire bottles of rum into the ocean and just chug them down in the water. I saw one old lady smoking a cigarette in one hand and finishing a bottle of rum with the other. After she finished the bottle, she just threw it deeper into the ocean. But the worst thing I saw was as I was walking out of the water back to AL. It was a fucking piece of shit floating in the water. From that point on, I noticed mothers taking their bare assed babies out to the water then bringing them back in a time period longer than it takes to have a piss. Ok... it's one thing to piss in the ocean. But to shit in the ocean when the beach is packed with people. That just ain't right. I noticed people littering everywhere like it wasn't a big deal. Beer can left for people to scavenge. Cigarette butts everywhere. Empty boxes of rice, beans, and chicken legs just left on the beach. Chicken bones were everywhere. It was really quite disgusting. And this was the straight local beach. Even though I spent no more than 10 minutes at a time in the water and out in the sun for a total of probably 30 minutes, I still got a lil sunburn.

Ok... if you know me then you expect to hear it from me. There were some nice asses out there. Not as beautiful as Brasil, but nice nonetheless. Perhaps, it is because there are less G-strings in Cuba and Brasilian women, in my opinion, are more beautiful. It was nice though to chill out at the beach and check out the "local scenery". As with everywhere we go there were police with guns patrolling the beach. What a trip that is. But the worst job had to be the military guys that were dressed in long sleeve shirts, long pants, and Fidel hats that just had to stand and look out into the ocean. I presume that they are looking for people trying to escape to Florida. Not a fun job in the scorching Cuban sun. And like everywhere in Cuba there were stray dogs hanging out on the beach as well. I was astounded by how mellow the strays are in Cuba. People leave them alone and they leave people alone. However, it's a humane society nightmare there as there are a ton of strays and none of them seem to be spayed or neutered.

When we finally decided to leave, a guy asked us if we wanted a taxi. I asked him how much and he said 10 CUCs. This was 5 CUCs cheaper than getting there and we had been told it was 20 CUCs both ways in the book. However, I soon found out why it was so cheap. Can you say hoopty mobile. A different guy pulled up in a beat up, leaning to one side, cracked windshield piece of crap. Against my better judgment we got in. Here's another tip: Follow your instincts when traveling. Don't be afraid to say no and be rude if need be. Luckily, we got back to the Plaza Hotel no problem. I would only pull that shit in Cuba because it was so safe with cops every 5 km or so and pulling over everyone that they wanted to. No way would I do that in Brasil. The guy's car windows in the back wouldn't go down and the guy couldn't put his car into 2nd gear. Also, his alignment was totally off and his odometer was completely broken. At one point, going up a hill I felt like the little engine that could. It also smelled of gasoline in the car. But we did get back safe and sound and saved money as well.

Siempre una aventura en Cuba.

The small time Cuban Hustler's rap

2007-08-12T18:34:00.000-07:00

Question: Where are you from?
Reply: I have a cousin/aunt/sister/brother/etc in (fill in the State).
Question: How long have you been here?
Question: What do you think of Cuba?
Question: Do you like to dance?
Question: Do you like cigars?
Question: Do you like mojitos/Cuba Libres?
Question: Where are you staying?

The best thing to do is keep walking. You can give vague 1 word responses but keep walking and go about your business. When you walk you need to walk like you have a destination in mind. If you respond in the affirmative to some of the questions then you'll find that everyone knows the best place to get whatever or the best place to go where ever.

On Thursday, we started with 2 hours of folklorico. Even though we took salsa classes in the states it was intimidating doing it in Cuba. There is a lot of pressure on the guy. Also, AL and I realized that we don't really like the Cuban salsa music. We got an album from the group that is considered by Cubans the best salsa group, Los Van Van, and truthfully we don't even like it that much. We just like dancing with each other. Truly, we like Samba better. But folklorico is fun too. Very hard. By the end of the class, we were drenched in sweat. We danced to the Orisha Ogun who is the orisha of the countryside.

After class, AL and I started to walk to Vedado from our location in Havana Centro. Nothing like walking to help you learn a place. As we walked along the Malecon we came upon the US special interest building. This isn't the consulate but the "special interest" building. The place is guarded all around by Cuban security and they won't even let you walk on the same side of the street. Right next to the building is the Cuban Anti-Imperialist plaza that flies numerous Cuban flags. Actually, the place had more flags in one place than anywhere I've ever been. The anti-American government sentiment is strong in Cuba and all around Cuba are propaganda billboards extolling the virtues of Cuba and the evils of the US and GWB.

From there, AL and I had lunch at a state-run vegetarian restaurant called "Carmelo" in the Vedado region. When we first went in I asked how much did things cost. The lady said 10 CUCs in Spanish. I asked for a menu and on the menu it said 8 CUCs. Everywhere we go people are always trying to hustle us. I pointed to the price on the menu and the lady nodded in the affirmative and said in Spanish, "Si, ocho CUCs." Always ask for a menu. The meal was vegetarian and pretty bland and boring as I found most Cuban food to be. Maybe, when you get meat there's more excitement but the vegetarian fare was sparse and unexciting.

After our lunch, we went looking for our friend's uncle that lives near the Hotel Havana Libre and was actually born and raised in New Hampshire. He said after being in the Korean War something drew him to Cuba. The guy was almost 70 years old and quite a character. He also kept commenting on how beautiful and gorgeous AL was. It was hilarious in a dirty old man kind of way. His neighbor and friend was also the first Chino-Latino I saw in Cuba. So AL and I hung out with the two for a while shooting the shit and drinking rum while they chainsmoked Criollos cigarettes. The whole time we were talking he would stop every so often and whistle or talk to women passing by. Old or young, it didn't matter. A real character.

While the uncle was nice, his age was starting to show as he repeated the same phrases and stories to us roughly 5 times over. It's rough when you get old. So we made up an excuse of meeting some friends near the Plaza de la Revolucion and made our way over there. It's at the Plaza were the famous Che picture is on the side of the building. There's also a monument to Jose Marti there. Other than that, the Plaza isn't much to see and is far from most things.

On the way back, we also had ice cream at Cuba's famous Coppelia ice cream. It was hear that I learned another lesson. Always ask, "Cuanto cuestan?" We thought that since the prices were on the board we'd be ok. But the guy charged us for another thing that he said that he had brought us instead. Now it was only 1 CUC more that he was charging each of us, but it's the principle dammit! But in the end I didn't want to get all hyphy over 2 dollars, so I chalked it up to another lesson learned. When people got it hard they are always trying to squeeze a it more outta you, especially in the cities.

As we walked back, we stopped to sit and relax on the Malecon. This is where I learned by best response to the hustlers. 2 lady approached us and gave us the hustler rap. I answered nicely that I don't drink, smoke, or dance. In fact, I was a vegetarian and very religious. Upon hearing this, the two lady hustlers said goodbye and got up and actually moved down the Malecon 20 yards from us. They just sat there the rest of the time. I guess they figured that hanging with the religious guy would be really boring. Sweet.

Notes on Havana

2007-08-04T20:19:00.000-07:00

After eating with Leo and Beto, Allison and I went on a mission. Allison had brought the wrong recharger for the camera. She had brought the charger for the vonage phone. We have a 2GB SIM card that can take 700 pix in 10 megapixels, but we didn´t have a charger and the battery doesn´t have a disposable variety. Let´s just say I had to stay very calm. Especially since AL felt really bad about the situation. No point in making it worse. So we figured the best place to get a charger would be Old Havana where the tourists are. We wandered through there again and found a shop but by the time we got there shit was closed. So we wondered and took in more of the sites in the area. The place definitely has an old world charm. When we finally got hungry we ate at La Domenica which is considered the best Italian restaurant in town according to Lonely Planet. The place had pizza that tasted like pizza and was cooked in a wooden oven. Traveling and being a vegetarian isn´t easy.

On Wednesday, we had our first folklorico and salsa class. For 2 hours it was just a bit more than 20 dollars and the lessons were totally one on one. Can´t beat that. I like the folklorico stuff, but the salsa makes me nervous. I still can´t hear the timing and don´t really know when to move. Salsa is hard because there is a lot of responsibility on the guy´s part as he´s the leader. The girl just has to follow. If I don´t know what I´m doing then it ain´t much help for her. In folklorico, we learned the basic dance for the orisha Eleggua. A mischievous orisha and my favorite kind. It´s funny cause almost all the people from the group came. Yeni and her daughter Casey, Glandis to run the music on the DVD player, and Leo to dance and Beto to hang out as the manager. We danced right in the living room of our casa particulares. After the dancing, I invited them to a matinee at the hot salsa club in town Casa de la Musica, which we are conveniently located right above. The matinee started at 5:00 s we had some time to kill. So we went on our recharger mission. We got on a bike taxi and we told the guy to go to Habana Vieja. As we were biking we were chatting with my limited Spanish and mentioned that we were going to a photoshop. As we were biking he pointed to a shop on the way and so we stopped there. It was to no avail, but when we came out our biker was being questioned by a police officer. This is a scene that I was to see play out many times. Cops randomly pulling people over and questioning them and people reacting the same way. No arguments just answering quietly and calmly. I guess the biker must have said something because he left the card with the officer and biked us to the placed recommended by the people in the photoshop. He said the cop wanted money from him (bribe) but he didn´t have money to give. He asked me for money, but I pretended to not understand him. At the next place we met with success. The result of the black market. I explained my problem to the lady and she made a phone call and told us to wait. Moments later a man came into the store with a big bag and pulled out a Chinese multicharger. Bless my people. 40 CUCs. Undoubtedly, way more than it was worth, but he had us by the balls. The guy was a professional photographer and showed us his digital camera. He was going to sell us a SIM card but he saw that we had a 2 GB one. Our mission was a success so we decided to get some food. Our biker said he would take us somewhere and we said that we wanted authentic Cuban food. But I mentioned that I didn´t want to pay too much. I als odecided to invite our guy with us. The first place was too expensive. The guy wanted to eat meat as all Cubans do and his dish was 10 CUCs while our dishes were only 3 CUCs for the rice and beans. I wasn´t about to pay for a meal where his stuff cost more than both of us combined. I got up and left that place. So now he got the picture and took us to a place nearby where the whole meal was 8 CUCs for the 3 of us. This actually was the best deal that we had in Cuba. It was in a lady's house up some shady ass stairs. If this wasn´t Cuba I would never have followed him. We had green beans and onions, salted avocado, rice, beans, and water. It was pretty good and definitely worth the price. After that we returned home to get ready for dancing. The guy tried to invite himself along with us to that as he was a salsa "professor", but then óf course aren´t they all.

The group playing was called Bamboleo and are pretty famous in Cuba. We invited the gang but Leo couldn´t make it. Unfortunately, Casey was too young so Yeni had to take her home and couldn´t come either. The club was cool. It was just DJ music for 1-2 hours until the band came on. Alcohol is incredibly cheap in Cuba. Their 5.4% beer was only 1 CUC and small plasitc cups for mojitos were only 2 CUCs. But the mojitos were strong and good.

Ok so here it is. Cuba like much of Latin America is an ass oriented country. The US is all about the titties. Girls there were bouncing their asses like they were trying to fan a fire. As a connoisseur, I gave it a thumbs up. Whenever I walked to get drinks, I had girls approach me. Perhaps, it was my Chineseness, perhaps it was my obvious tourist look and money, and maybe it was both, but hey...I was there with wife. Flattering but no thanks. The band was great and played salsa, reggaeton, and romantic music. The lead female singer was hilarious and during a song called "Agua" poured water on herself and threw it on the audience. People were loving it. During the time I also got to talk more to Glandis and Beto. They are really cool guys.

Around 9, AL and I decided to have a nice romantic dinner. Glandis took us to a restaurant called Los Nardos and we had to wait in line to get in. Of course, the place was heavily meat oriented. I made the mistake of ordering too much because I thought I wouldn´t get enough.

Notes from Havana

2007-07-29T11:49:00.001-07:00

On the day we traveled, Allison set the alarm clock for 3.45pm. Our flight was for 6am. I went to bed at around 2am because of my excitement. We had a taxi that was going to pick us up at 4am. In my sleep I heard her cell phone go off and I woke up shortly thereafter. I remember thinking in my sleep that Allison would have set the alarm clock correctly, but I better get up just in case. It was a good thing that I did, because it was 4.11. I ran to wake up Allison who had her eye mask and ear plugs on. She was totally disoriented and we had to hurry and get our shit together. Luckily, the taxi was still there. What a way to start the trip! But it was all good cause we got to the airport in time. From Oakland, we went to the land of Yao Ming. Then from there we traveled to Cancun. We had a 4 hour layover there. At one point we were sitting down and we had to move because some college kids we being really loud. I didn't want to be associated with them at all. Sometimes, Americans can be really loud, obnoxious, and oblivious. Hence, the term ugly Americans. I've noticed that when people are on vacation, there can be a sense of entitlement and a desire to be served. Also, I think that since people feel they won't ever see those people again that they can be anyway they want. I'm a firm believer that if you want to see how a person is, then put them under stress or in a situation where they feel they won't really have any consequences or people won't know what they did. As my friend Jeremy's dad says, "Integrity is what you do when no one is looking." No doubt, I've acted like an ugly American before, but I try to be more aware and make sure that I don't. We moved when I noticed people turning their heads to look at the group.

From Cancun, we flew into Havana. When we got off the plane, the 1st thing that I noticed were the women airport workers all had very short skirts. I thought to myself, "If this is how it's going to be, I'm going to like this place." After we got our luggage, we got stopped by airport security and questioned extensively. The lady questioning me was thorough, while the guy questioning Allison looked to just be chatting her up. Afterwards, she said to me that he didn't even know what questions to ask and how to deal with followup questions. He had to keep referring to his plain shirted boss. When we were done, the lady was all apologetic and said it was her job. We left the airport and exchanged some Euros into pesos convertibles (CUC), which is the money used by tourists. We were expecting to be met, but after a few minutes of searching we just took a cab to our Hotel.

For the 1st 2 nights, we stayed at the hotel Lincoln for 46 pesos a night. The hotel was... sparse. Of the 2 nights we spent there, we had hot water once. Only 1 elevator was working and infrequently. On the night we arrived we got totally ripped off because it was late and we went to a market to get water and were charged 6 CUCs for 2 large waters. Of course, we come to find out water is 70 centavos everywhere else.

On the 1st day we walked the Malecon, which is the sea wall surrounding Havana, and we also walked in Centro Havana and Havana Vieja, or old Havana. The area we are staying in is a bit rundown and reminded me of areas of China in its deterioration. Colonialism is ever present in the architecture but poorly cared for in our area of Havana Central. Havana Vieja is the more touristy area and it shows because of how well everything is cared for. Havana is interesting because the tourist area and the city is also where people live. So we are strolling down avenues and we can peak into people's homes and they are just doing their thing. Our 1st full day was definitely a learning experience because the hustle was on strong. Basically, if people were being overly friendly and speaking English they were trying to hustle us. I knew one set of hustlers were working as a team because I told one guy we were staying at Hotel Deauville and minutes later a guy said he worked at Deauville and saw me there. He knew it was me because I am Chinese. Another thing, everywhere I go, people like to say "Chino, Chino" Now my answer to them is "Todos mi vida" or all my life.

On the 1st full day, we visited the Museo de la Revolucion. It has all kinds of interesting things. They've got a turbine of the famous U-2 spy plane that was shot down and lots of history about the revolution and a small section on the Spanish American War. There's a lot of propaganda there, but you get that in any museum that has the history of a country. Lots of Anti-imperialist stuff too. After walking around Allison got museum feet and we were tired and hungry.

As I've come to understand, Cubans are carnivores. They love their meat. As a vegetarian, I have to look and work a bit harder. No problem cause I don't trust the meat as I've seen meat just sitting around in this hot and humid weather. People just got slabs of meat sitting around uncooked waiting to be sold. This was the same in Brasil and China and other places I've been to. With this weather, it's just a bacterial love fest. I hope and knock on wood I'm less likely to get food poisoning because I'm not eating meat. Anyways, we looked through our Rough Guide to Cuba and decided to eat at the Cafe Santo Domingo. It was nearby and we wanted to walk through Habana Vieja anyways.

As we were walking we happened upon an artist studio/home run by an artist named Jorge. While I enjoy practicing my Spanish from high school, I was happy to find that Jorge spoke some damn good English. We got to talking and of course with me we started to get into politics. I was really quite surprised to hear Jorge bad-mouthing the system and saying that after the revolution people were fucked. He said that he was scraping by and that he wanted out of the country. Sadly, I was to find this sentiment echoed by many others. One of my criticisms of the system has also been that something must be going on where people are trying to get out in overglorified innertubes. Surprisingly, Jorge didn't try to sell me a painting. He told me that when I was done with my trip if I still wanted a painting I should come back to see him. I tried to invite him to have lunch with me and Allison but he said that he had an appointment with a friend of his. This made me trust him and also think more about what he said. After all, he wasn't trying to hustle me which so many others had been trying to do already.

At the Cafe Santo Domingo, we both got olive pizzas and were less than impressed. Hey we're from the Bay Area with the best food in the world and one of the easiest places to be a vegetarian. At the Cafe, I was introduced to one of the National beers called Bucanero which I assume means Bucaneer because of the pirate on the can. This one was called Bucanero Fuerte and has 5.4% alcohol. ARRRGGGHHH me matey! My Chinese self doesn't need much to get me going.

After the Cafe, we walked around and took in the sights of Habana Vieja. It truly is a beautiful area and it is unfortunate that more of Cuba be in the condition that it is in. But this was where the tourist dollars go and this was just the beginning of the increasing disparity I am seeing in this country.

After walking around for a while, Allison and I finally had dinner at a Middle Eastern Restaurant called "Al Medina". The food was...nothing to blog much about. The pita bread tasted like the dough our pizza was on and the falafel didn't taste like any falafel I ever had. But hey it's not easy being a vegetarian. My options are limited and restaurants aren't catering to me. But the whole time I'm eating there I'm thinking that I'm eating better than the vast majority of Cubans. I later found out how true this was.

As we were walking home we got our first true Cuban hustle. We were unprepared for this because it came from a couple. Up until this point, we'd only had single guys hustling us. This couple befriended us and told us they would take us to a lcoal bar. I should have known better because a number of obvious tourists were brought in and there were girls that moved in immediately on them and starting rubbing themselves on them. In the end our crappy ass Cuba Libres cost more than our dinner. Then we got hit up for milk for their kid. Stupidly, I actually bought milk for them. The whole time though, I was the one getting milked. After that, they wanted to go to another place, but I was like fuck that. It's been a while since I've traveled overseas so I totally didn't have my "don't be afraid to be rude" attitude on. You live and you learn and I said I would make sure that never happened again. Depressed, Allison and I returned home, vowed we would never let that happen to us again, and passed out.

Now usually Allison is the one that is always on time, but here our roles are reversed. The next morning, I had to wake us up so that we didn't miss our less than memorable breakfast. But it was free so...you know how it is. Hard boiled eggs, bad pizza slices, bad coffee, and toasted white bread. But once again, undoubtedly better than most have it. After that, our jetlagged asses went back to our rooms and took a nap. Later on that day, we switched to a casa particulares run by a nice lady named Mary Cruz. In Cuba, people rent out rooms in their places as an extra way to make money, but considering I always see Mary and her husband Roberto at home it seems to be their sole source of cash. Her place was only 30 CUCs compared to 46 at the Lincoln. The beds were bigger, the pillows less lumpy, and we had more room all around. It was also cooler to stay at a person's place instead of at a crappy hotel. It works out for the both parties involved. For the most part, whenever I travel it is a good reminder of how good I have it in the states. Sometimes, in my everyday I forget that and just get caught up in my own shit and complaining about that.

So on that day after we got settled I contacted our California salsa rueda teacher's friend Beto. Beto brought another guy named Leo who was going to be our teacher for dance. Leo spoke a little English so it was good because we both got to practice. He spoke to me in English as much as possible and I spoke to him in Spanish as much as possible and when we didn't get each other we switched back. Leo is one of the dancers of the group 7 potencias while Beto is the manager. We talked about setting up classes for the next day and agreed on the price of 10 CUCs an hour. Holy shit. You can't beat that. 10 CUCs for essentially private dance classes. They would easily be 40-60 dollars in the US at the bare minimum. After that, Allison and I invited them to lunch. They decided to take us to a placed called "Los Tres Chinitos" in El Barrio Chino. El Barrio Chino is Havana's Chinatown, when Chinese came to Cuba to find work and get a better life. Most of the Chinese in El Barrio Chino are from southern China, Guangzhou in particular. I was excited to see the Chinatown and was bummed to see only 2 Chinese people there that were obviously tourists. I knew they were tourists because the woman had the visor on. If you've seen it you know what I mean. If you haven't, you'll probably see it one day on a Chinese person. It's a darkened visor like LaDainian Tomlinson has on his football helmet but it's on a normal visor. You can pull it down to cover your entire face or wear it above you head. It's hella Chinese style. I've never seen anyone but a Chinese Chinese wearing it.

At lunch, we had another interesting conversation. Beto talked about the problems of the government and the 2 currency system. In Cuba there is the moneda national (MN) and the peso convertibles or CUCs. Cubans get paid in MN, but nowadays more and more stores only accept CUCs. Beto said that 200 MN only yielded 10 CUCs. Since our money was in Euros. I got 1 Euro for 1 dollar 45 cent. My 1 Euro got me 1.22 CUCs. You do the frickin math. Leo said that he had 2 kids and when they need shoes he can only buy them in CUCS, but he doesn't have enough of them. He also talked about the increasing disparity in Cuba. Those that have family outside and get money sent to them have an infinitely better material life, while those that don't...dont'. I countered with the beauty of the health care system and he said there are two hospitals systems. One for the tourists and one for the Cubans. You can guess which is better. Also he said that since Castro has been sending so many doctors overseas it is really hard for them to see doctors and they have to wait a long time. But hey at least they get to see doctors. but then comes the other problem. Getting medicine. It's in short supply. The food at 3 Chinitos didn't taste like Chinese food and there were no chopsticks on the table. In the states that's my first sign not to eat at a place. But hey maybe the meat dishes were better. AL said her fish dish was just too salty though. Leo said that sometimes he sits in bed and just thinks... What am I going to do. A sentiment mirrored by many is that their parents say things were better before the revolution. I don't know about that but that's what people are saying. If I were to say maybe for the lighter skinned people well Leo is a black black man.

I'm running out of time on my pay by the half hour computer so I'll blog more later.

The Sweet Sweet Schadenfreude of Paris Hilton

2007-06-10T08:31:00.000-07:00

I hate Paris Hilton. I hate her. It's not very holy, religious, or big of me. But I do anyways. She represents everything I despise in celebrity-driven pop culture. The girl has grown up in a fairy tale and it has spoiled her. She is an insolent brat and it has finally caught up with her. I have never been so happy to see someone miserable. It's not something I'm particularly proud of. But the lil devil on my left shoulder won out on this one.

Now she's got to live in reality and it doesn't get more real than that jail cell she's in. She's in there by herself. I sickly wonder if it would be possible for her to cry throughout the entire 45 days. That would be cool. The incredible lack of dignity that is handling herself with is even better. It brings me even greater joy. When Martha went to jail she just went and did her time. I bet Martha even did her home improvements on the jail. Paris... no class. No dignity. Nothing. It's frickin' awesome. The contradictions between what her publicist is saying and how she is reportedly acting amuses me to no end. For the first time ever I am searching for Paris news. It's hilarious. I'm like a 15 year old girl I'm so consumed by anything Paris.

One of the best lines I've heard is the statement attributed to Paris, "I would hope going forward that the public and the media will focus on more important things like the men and women serving our country in Iraq and other places around the world." First off, I would love to know if Paris could find Iraq on a map. Second, this has to be the first time that Paris has wanted people to not focus on her. The girl is an attention whore. I'm sure that in her time in jail the thing that she is thinking about is our brave men and women overseas...yeah right.

Seriously though, her case does highlight major problems with the justice system and the inequities within the system. And I suppose I should do some analysis of that... but shit I do that all the time. I just want to savor this sweet moment of joy. One of the things that I have hated the most about Paris is that teenagers somehow look up to her. She is by no means a role model. It infuriates me that white America condemns the actions of poor colored kids, but when Paris does her crazy things they get on Entertainment Tonight. Can you imagine a poor black girl going around flashing the world her pussy like Paris does when she goes clubbing??? Bill Cosby would pop a blood vessel in his head. I need to stop... I'm starting to rant and get angry and excited, when I just want to smile and be happy at the Sweet Sweet Schadenfreude of Paris Hilton.

Finding alternatives for kids

2007-04-15T18:51:00.000-07:00

My favorite student at school isn't a rocket scientist. She's got a thick ass IEP (individualized education program) and she feels defeated. She doesn't have the credits to be in the grade she's supposed to be. She also has a crazy family life and social environment. One time she got jumped because some girl was trying to get into a gang and the gang told the girl that she had to beat up my student to get in the gang. In short, the girl needs some protection. I talk to her about finding a safe place for herself, but that in itself means nothing. I wanted to find an alternative for her. Someplace that she could be safe and learn how to protect herself.

The first martial art that I ever learned was judo. Learning how to fall was one of the best things I ever learned to do. I figured my girl needed to learn some martial arts. I used to train at this really cool ju-jitsu dojo and I'm still good friends with the instructors there. I decided to take her to the dojo and if she was interested, then I would pay for her classes. My friends at the dojo are totally cool and they have a sliding scale payment plan so I knew that if she got into it classes wouldn't break my meager pocketbook.

The first time that we went she just watched. Her dad made her come with her little sister because he didn't trust her. Understandable. The girl isn't a saint, but then neither is her father. Her little sister got really excited and was into the ju-jitsu too. The second time we went I made her get out on the mat. You don't learn ju-jitsu by watching... unless you are really good. After training, she was really into it. She said that she wanted to train 3 days a week. The next day, she told me that she was showing her family everything she learned and they were practicing with her. Fucking family bonding with the dysfunctional family! I love it!

I'm hoping that getting into ju-jitsu will get her into something other than the crazy life that she is into right now. I'm hoping that ju-jitsu will teach her physical self-defense as well as mental and emotional self-defense. I don't know if she'll graduate (she's almost 17 with barely sophomore credits), but I'll try and help her however I can.

Taking a step back

2007-03-11T23:45:00.000-07:00

Things were getting real intense. My students were getting frustrated and I was as well. I started to feel like I didn't have control. Ironically, of course I don't have control. Isn't that what I tell myself all the time? I cannot control what happens but only my reaction to it. I must do what I do, but beyond that things are totally out of my control. And of course I don't listen to my own advice. It was only when my boss told me to take a step back. She said that I was too much of a perfectionist. I take that coded as obsessive compulsive. She's right though.

The thing is that I want my students so badly to do well, that I get overly invested. Not healthy. It is very important for my sanity to draw a line. To be able to say enough is enough. Teaching has a high turnover rate and a high burnout rate. The intensity of the situation can be overwhelming. To always have to be on. To judge your success on your students' success. Not being able to plan for stuff that you have no idea is coming. To constantly feel judged. Then to have a punk ass kid spit at your efforts. That coupled with the low pay... Teachers all hanging out is one big bitch session. Teachers talk so much crap about kids. We gotta. We gotta let off a lot of steam.

Part of taking a step back means focusing more on myself and my life. I must not get into defining my life via my job. I have never wanted that. I gotta focus more on my family.

Married life rocks! I am far better at taking care of AL and me as a family than I am in just taking care of myself. I'm a better team player than just being an individual. Albert Einstein got me all jazzed about finance with his quote, "the most powerful force in the universe is compound interest." I had to sit and think about that one for a while. Then I started going OCD on the finance shit. Read Suze Orman's "The Nine Steps to Financial Freedom" and "The Road to Wealth". I've been reading "The Motley Fool" alot. I'm trying to get all these things in place to take care of my now and future family. Compound interest is going to help take care of us in the future.

But of course I can't use the capitalist system and just kowtow to its amoral structure completely. I gotta go with socially responsible investing. Can my compound interest be as least exploitative as possible, please? Sadly, the Motley fool has an article called "The myth of Socially Responsible Investing." I found the article to be an argument for laissez-faire capitalism. He uses the idea of all or nothing "morality" and chooses nothing. He says

Suppose you want to invest in the chemical industry. What are you going to do, invest in the firm that pollutes the environment the least? If it pollutes at all, why invest at all?

My answer would be... yeah I'm going to be more down with the company that pollutes the least. The world is by no means perfect. But I believe in always trying to do a little bit better. We can have a goal in mind but never reach that goal. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't have a goal. I think that financially rewarding and investing in a company that is more environmentally conscious is a good thing.

If we can't be perfect then we shouldn't try to be better at all??? I wonder if the author has children or works with children? That's not the type of message we want to hand down to the generations.

End of the second quarter

2007-03-05T22:18:00.000-08:00

This Friday is the last day of the second quarter. I'm proud to say that my entire advisory group's cumulative GPA either stayed the same or went up. However, I know that isn't going to be the case this quarter sadly. I don't know what it is but I've noticed that students really lag this quarter. I don't know what it is. Their grades drop. Maybe it's the weather I don't know. Perhaps in the first quarter students do better because they are excited for school and eager to do well. Then in the second quarter they lose momentum. Finally in the spring quarter they want to do well because they saw that not doing well in the winter quarter really fucked them up.

So, I finally got my teaching credential! YEA for me! They send in the mail a green piece of paper that had totally been printed out on the computer. $30,000 and I get a computer printout. But that's how it goes. It's just another hoop that they make teachers jump through and make it harder and less desirable for people to enter the profession.

I need to lose 10 pounds. I'm right now the fattest I've ever been. It's fuckin hilarious. One time I was sitting around and coughed. Then my pants button went flying off and I heard it bounce off of something. It's bad. So to get into shape AL and I are taking dance classes. We're going to dance in the Carnaval parade with my old Capoeira and Samba school. We're also taking Cuban Salsa classes. I went out dancing with my friend for his wife's birthday. But when we got to a club all I could do was watch. I was pissed. I hate standing around watching. I decided then and there that we had to take group and private classes. Now that I'm older I gotta learn to partner dance. Enough of this dancing by myself shit.

It's been a long time

2007-03-05T00:45:00.000-08:00

So I haven't posted in a long while. It's not that I'm some amazing teacher now and I don't need the reflection. Far from it... I don't know. You just get away from the things that you love sometimes. Take for instance today, AL and I went down to take Samba classes to dance in the Carnaval parade. We're taking it from my old Capoeira teacher. The man has been a mentor and friend to me for a long time. But life just got busy and I haven't seen him and his family in a long time. Then I went down to hang out and dance and it was great. His two daughters are like my little sisters and it was great to see them. It just felt like I was coming back home.

So I'm going to try and get back to blogging and dancing and doing the things that I like.

So Kenneth Eng...

What a weirdo. First off, I'm wary of supremacists of all varieties. What was AsiaWeekly thinking? Irregardless, I would happy if there was a debate that sprung from this. If people started to talk about racial hostilities between black and asians and the history behind it, I would be happy. Sadly, I don't think that will happen. America doesn't know how to even begin to have a dialogue. This country is about talking heads and talking points. No one is trying to hear the other side. It totally bums me out when the country decides to focus on the ridiculous hate filled rants of some supremacist idiot.

First day back

2006-08-28T21:22:00.000-07:00

When school starts you don't just ease back into things. You just jump headfirst into it. As I walked up the stairs all I could think was... "fuck! Fuck! Shit!" I wanted another week of vacation. But then you gotta pay the bills. I started off with my CTM and I had them write up a list of 3 academic goals and 2 personal goals.

I really want to work on taking better care of my CTM. Last year I was so overwhelmed with all the things going on in school and my personal life that I didn't get to give my CTM the attention that I wanted to. I will say though that I had 2/3 of my students trend upwards in their cumulative GPA. I got 2 new CTM and will probably get 4 more to take me to 20. There are still some kids enrolling and there was an orientation today so there will be more kids enrolling after interviews are done.

In my classes, I had students make bumper stickers with their names and 4 answers to personal questions in the 4 corners. Then we shared what was on their bumper sticker. This was just an easy way to build community and for students to share things about themselves. My 3rd period Asian American studies class only has 4 people in it right now. That rocks!!! Of course the number will change and it will get bigger but not substantially bigger. This will be cool cause I will get to give more one on one attention and we will get to go on more field trips and stuff. I wanna take them to the Asian art museum, Japantown, and out to lunch at an Asian restaurant.

Here's to hoping the school year and my teaching will be better than last year.

Batteries Recharged

2006-08-26T00:55:00.000-07:00

Well... school's starting back up again. The end of last school year was a whirlwind and I just was crazy busy with work. I lost that blogging feeling... Whoa oh that blogging feeling. The last place I wanted to sit was in front of a computer. Unless it was for Civilization IV or something mindlessly fun like that.

I had the honor of graduating 3 seniors. Sure I wasn't with them from 9th grade, but having gone through the trials and tribulations of the school year I was happy to share in their success. Graduation is what it's all about. I'm aware that America doesn't expect or particularly care if these kids graduate or not. But it sure as hell meant a ton to the parents, family, and friends in that room.

The ceremony was fucking hilarious. Our principal forgot a bunch of the diplomas so she asked the kids to hand back the diplomas so they could be recycled. What really I liked about it was that it just had such a familial atmosphere to the whole thing. I mean it was a ceremony but it wasn't all stiff and rigid. It was a colored folks party.

Over the summer, I taught summer school basic math. It was astonishing to me the math illiteracy. Kids couldn't round to the nearest hundred. Kids couldn't write out 534,938 in word form. There was almost a revolt when it came to fractions. But I had a ball. One of my favorite students learned how to do division. She had been going to tutors, therapists, and doctors and she couldn't do it. But we worked together and she learned how to divide. To be an instrument in a kid's learning is a wonderful thing. It makes me high. It makes me want to skip around the room. I had so much fun teaching basic math. There is an instant gratification thing to it. With history it's like ok they kinda sorta get imperialism... but with math you got the right answer or you don't. Anyways, I had so much fun that I'm going to teach basic math during the school year.

Here's some fucked up shit that happened during the summer to a student. 2 of his friends got shot on separate occasions. That made a grand total of 4 friends lost to violence and 1 friend lost to a car accident within the last year and a half. The violence is spiraling out of control here. The problems and inequities in American society are playing out among the most vulnerable first. Then at some point it will affect the middle and upper class and people will wonder how did it come about.

For my break, AL and I remodeled our place and watched all 5 seasons of Six Feet Under. That show is the best show I've ever seen on tv. 60 or so hours of tv. That was my big accomplishment for my summer break! I got low standards. Claire was my favorite character then Keith. Anyways, that show changed the way I think about death. After watching it, AL and I are talking wills and trusts and stuff. Give me 3 months then pull the plug. I think a trimester is a good amount of time. I also want to be cremated. Spread my ashes in the pacific ocean or something. And I'd like people to have a party for my life not a mourning of my death. We are all going to die. It's just a matter of when. What matters is how we live in this life. We gotta live our whole lives with ourself. Isn't that so fucking profound? I know, I'm the frickin Buddha.

So I had a ethical dilemma during the whole remodeling process. I got my floor from this cool store called Ecohome Improvement. They specialize in environmentally conscious home improvement products. Cork reduces noise problems and is sustainably harvested. Their woods are FSC certified. I like the philosophy of the store and it is in line with my philosophy. They are the shit. But their shit is expensive. Nice as hell... but expensive. White people prices.

The kitchen cabinetry and granite I got from this Chinese store. The cost of the cabinetry and granite was less than half the price of buying it at Home Depot. I was getting
the Chinese prices. So here was the problem. I love being Chinese. I love the history and culture of China. But I know my people. I have a pretty good idea that at the prices that they were selling it for it probably wasn't sustainably harvested. It wasn't from an FSC certified forest. But the cost... and the look. The labor was also done by a Chinese friend of the family. He gave me a ridiculously low price on the labor cost. Chinese prices. Gotta support my people and the low prices don't make it less attractive.

So ultimately I went ahead and got the Chinese stuff and told myself that when I get a house I'll get all the ecostuff. But for right now, cheaper is for the most part better. All in all, it was a great summer though I wish it was longer. I know I'll do a lot better job this school year. I'll be less overwhelmed due to familiarity. I can only get better.

WTF!!!

2006-05-29T20:08:00.000-07:00

So I was talking to my World Cultures 2 class about the interwar period. I was going to show them some surrealist art and talk some about existentialist philosophy, jazz, and that kine shit. My anticipatory set was to talk about the disillusionment that people felt having to dealing with all that violence, then using that as the segue to the artistic and philosophical responses that it generated. Knowing the violence that many of my students are confronted with in the "outside" world, I asked them to raise their hand if they had lost someone as a result of violence. MOTHERFUCKING more than half the class raised their hands. I was fucking blown away. The reality of it didn't even really sink in until this weekend. The shit is just straight wrong. I walked by the TV at the gym and there was another deadly shooting in the gym this weekend. My friend informs me that this summer is expected to be particularly bloody as many gang members get released from jail for the sweeps that were done last year. It's low intensity warfare going on in the inner city streets and it's fucking up the kids that grow up in it. You know it's bad when kids just think that that is the way it is.

Bay to Breakers

2006-05-24T17:06:00.000-07:00

The annual Bay Area run, drink, and dress up fest. My only gripe... too many naked men not enough naked women. The fascists tried to stop alcohol and nudity, but you can't break a tradition now. Ultimately, they just let it go as well they should. No one hurting anyone and no one getting hurt. I haven't drank alcohol that early in a long time.

Signing statements

2006-05-14T23:34:00.000-07:00

This shit just came to my attention maybe about a month ago. I was watching Amy Goodman and she brought it up. Signing statements. Motherfucking signing statements. Little disclaimers on the bills that Bush signs. Little fingers crossed. I'll do the photo op but reject the bill. Brilliant. It's so fucking shady as hell, but it's brilliant. What is the Republican Congress going to do to Bush? Nothing. There isn't a chance in hell the Republicans will ever impeach Bush for Iraq or anything else and anyone with half a brain knows it. Party unity and allegiance is triumphing over separation of powers. Bush is using the Constitution as toilet paper. I watched Schoolhouse Rock. The talking bill never said anything about signing statements. Democrats don't even have enough stones to censure the president. The control of Parliament by the Conservative and Labor Party excludes other voices and aggrandizes the King.

Testing and shit

2006-05-13T01:03:00.000-07:00

Testing has been throwing everything off. The bell schedule is completely different. I get there early to prepare bagel and cream cheese donations to the students. A lot of them don't get to eat breakfast so it gets hard to concentrate during the day. The food will pick them up. They need to do well on these high stakes tests so that the school and district will get more money. More than half of my students get free or reduced lunches. I'm working with this cool chick Nora to try and bring better food to the school. The shit they send now is fucking nasty. I won't touch the shit. I mean it's good that the kids get food at all, but I still wish it was better for them. Ideally I would like vegetarian food, but I'd take any improvement in the overall quality.

I think one of the things that bothers me the most about the US is that we don't take care of kids. It's not right to me that the economic situation of the parents should in any way determine the child's access to good health care. You can't fucking choose your family. It bothers me that so many of my students are completely inured to their violent existence. Kids can't go and have fun at a party without worrying about violence. Columbine shit happening. My school getting robbed and being all run down. Then everyone fucking scratching their heads as to what's going on with the kids. The kids are fine. It's the adults that are letting them down.

Working at my school makes me reflect and compare my own high school experience. I never had to dealt with gang violence. When school was done I got to go to martial arts classes or something. If I was just hanging out with my friends, we'd end up doing something stupid cause it sounded like a good idea. But nothing ever really seriously crazy.

Being around my students has taught me a lot about gangs and the gang mentality. I see the allure of joining gangs. In a dangerous and violent environment, it's importantly to know that there are people that got your back in case shit goes down. I got this one student whose mom arranged for him to get jumped into the gang. Mom is a gang member. Kid didn't know he was getting jumped in and he can't get out. He feels trapped in his life and so he drinks until he blacks out. The part he blacks out on is when he's doing his stupidest shit. He's a great fucking kid. Smart but can't get out of the vida loca.

Shout out to my young right wing conservative

2006-05-07T18:00:00.000-07:00

I had the honor of having my blog visited by a young right wing conservative that calls herself conservativekat. She's fourteen years old and quite the writer. Check her out.

My goal... to turn her away from the dark side of the force and to have her embrace the true message of Christ (the left wing ultra liberal one where he takes care of the indigent). I'd like for her to use her powers for good and not for empire. But, I can't hate on her because when I was her age I said all kinds of outrageous stuff. So hopefully she'll grow out of it too.

I'm going to need a catchy name for this operation. You know like the Bush administration had OIL: Operation Iraqi Liberation. I need something catchy just like that. Operation Prodigal Daughter Returns? Operation Conservative Reform? Operation Matrix Deprogramming? I'll come up with something....

Steven Colbert has big brass balls

2006-05-05T18:06:00.000-07:00

Steven Colbert has got some major balls. He roasts the president at the White House Correspondents' dinner with Bush a only a few feet away from him. It's fucking brilliant and you have to see it If you haven't seen it... you must!

May 1st

2006-05-01T23:16:00.000-07:00

So I walked today in the May 1st protest marches. It was really cool to see everyone out there supporting. I made up a sign that said, "I'M CHINESE, BIG WALLS DON'T WORK!!!" Lots of people liked the sign and took a bunch of pictures of me. Then I got interviewed by David Louie for the local channel 7 news broadcast. It was fucking great! My precious seconds of fame. Then when I was at the gym I saw myself on tv. I must get a video copy of my brief interview and my sign, then I'll post it up...well I found a part of the interview in text, but I can't seem to pull up the video. Damn them!!!

DO NOT WORRY!

2006-04-27T21:18:00.000-07:00

This is a picture taken on a river in Brazil. The rainforest is fine. No one worry. This is actually quite sad because this is just a big spontaneous mass fish suicide. It's a little known fact that rainforest fish suffer from bouts of depression. They are sad fish. What can you do?

Political thoughts

2006-04-26T01:46:00.000-07:00

I can't wait till 2008 because this has to be the most corrupt administration since Ulysses S. Grant. Cronyism is alive and well. I'll say this for Bush...he has got his friends' back. If you're in tight with George he will back you up. Ain't shit going to happen to Kenneth Lay. A fucking presidential pardon wouldn't surprise me at all. I can fucking respect that to some degree. I think it's that honor among thieves idea.

Bush has also done an incredible job uniting the world. Yes, much of that world is uniting against us, but it is uniting. I think South America is where the most interesting action is happening in the world. All these left wing leaders coming into power is really exciting. I think the most exciting was Evo Morales. I mean that man's face is straight indigenous. I think it's great that he's also a part of coca leaf federation.

Then there is Hugo Chavez who is causing the US fits. He has invigorated the majority of poor Venezuelans. Politics will never be the same there. The people know that they have power. The oil and huge US demand gives more money and power to Chavez who can them implement policies that work against US imperialism in South America. Operation Miracle is a brilliant PR move for Chavez and Castro. I really don't like the fact that he's setting himself up to be in the post for a long ass time. I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to pull a Fidel and become a lifer.

2006-04-17T23:10:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and all I could think was "Do I really have to go to school???" I had kids falling asleep in class and just tired. Shit I was tired. I was used to staying up late and just chilling in the morning. The end of this week will be the halfway point for the quarter. Meaning I'm halfway to being done for the year. Sweet Jesus thank you!!!

I'm fucked cause I still have to make up some work in some credentialling classes and I'm totally burned out with the shit. I don't want to do anything. Most of it is just mindless busy work to me. This is real bad too cause I'm pretty much at the end. I have to dig deep and make myself do shit cause the semester is coming to an end. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! I'm like one of my students.

I made students write that they were to bring their final project work on Friday or they would get a four. They wrote it with their own hands. So 3 things could essentially happen. They will come with their work, they will ditch class, or they will just come with nothing. I'm interested in seeing the proportion.

So every quarter it's about which class is going to be the lagger class. I have to recognize that and not get so pissed by them. This quarter it's my 2nd period. What a fucking lame social dynamics that class has. It's fucking painfully awkward sometimes. And it's not so much individual kids... it's about the perfect combination to maximize stupidity. Kind of a whole is greater than the sum of its parts stupidity.

I have these one group of girls that I've nicknamed the Voltron of Stupidity. Each by themselves ain't bad. But when they get together and their powers combine. Watch out! What cracks me up is that the nickname has stuck with other staff members. Now they refer to them as that. This is a group of mean-spirited, fat, and ugly girls. I hate to be mean and shit, but that' s exactly what they are. They fuck with each other and get the others to take turns hating a person. It fucked up, catty shit.

Taking a break

2006-04-14T14:49:00.000-07:00

The first philosophy that I ever got into was Daoism. I think that was because my dad was always talking about Confucianism. Anyways, what I always liked about Daoism was that it sought balance and harmony in one's life and relation to the universe. But I've never been balanced and perhaps that is why I liked it so much. I'm obsessive-compulsive man. I've been so caught up with work that I've been neglecting myself. It's pretty unhealthy. It's very easy to get too wrapped up in teaching. There is always something else you can do. So I've got to learn to put limits on myself. At least I'm not working 16 hour days anymore.

So to take care of myself I've got a workout plan at the gym I'm at. I'm going to learn to rockclimb (It's nonviolent and non competitive). I went to my master massage therapist. Lady has skills and is strong. I went to the dermatologist (cause my skin freaks out under stress). I went to the therapist (cause I want to deal with my shit and not be unhappy anymore). Next week I'm going to the allergist.

2 years ago I was in a major depression. Shit put my life in a standstill. I couldn't manage or deal. It was real bad. As I've come out of it, I realize that I don't ever want to go through that shit again. So now I'm trying to put things place in so I won't go through that shit again. I've also learned that I've got the low grade depression shit going on. So I've got to manage that to make sure it doesn't get to be the major one.

Life is funny. I'm the happiest I've ever been. I love my job. I love my wife and our marriage. Many things are really good. But yet this low grade depression still brings me down. It's like always having a weighted down burka on. I want the unfettered happiness that I deserve.

Mi primero quinceanera

2006-04-05T23:36:00.000-07:00

So on Saturday I went to my first quinceanera. A student in one of my classes invited me. It was exciting cause I'd never been to one before and it also gave me the opportunity to interact with my students in a different situation. That sounded clinical. I just wanted to go and hang out and have some fun. It was cool I hung out with a bunch of the fathers and drank some tequila. Then my coworker Joseph came and we hung out. It was a modest affair but still obviously cost a good chunk of change. I felt bad for one of my CTM girls cause she said she wasn't having one cause it was too expensive. She was making all these arguments about it not being practical, but I could tell that she was bummed. But the party was held in the back parking lot of the apartment complex they lived at. Blue tarps were put over areas to create cover. Food was served in a shed. But more importantly there was love and family all around. The thought of being at a family event chills me to the bone. It wouldn't be a happy fun occasion with people hanging out and drinking. It would be tense or uncomfortable. Whenever I hang out with more normal families it's nice.

The cake was this big 3 tiered cake with a fountain under it. Connected to it by plastic stairs were two smaller 2 tiered cakes. Shit was way nicer than my wedding cake...but not as tasty. But there was a time also when she danced with all these different men and people called for me to dance with her too. Man I was bad. Even with the slow beat everyone looking at me just made me really self conscious and awkward. It was like when I was in junior high. LOL!

Marching

2006-03-29T23:55:00.000-08:00

So my coworker Jeff and I took a bunch of our students on the protest march that has been happening. But you know what. The truth is that I'm tired of all these illegal Canadians. Motherfuckers coming and taking jobs from hard working Americans. Fucking Canucks are all up in Hollywood and the music industry. Those jobs belong to Americans Goddammit! Jim Carrey... Canadian. Keanu Reeves... Canadian. Pamela Anderson... Canadian. The list goes on. Sometimes they can blend in cause they look a lot like white Americans. But they have infiltrated our pristine American soil and I'm angry. You have to listen carefully to their accent. They will slip in an "eh" or "hoser". I propose that the Minutemen patrol the Canadian border to stop the influx of these illegal Canadians. I'm disgusted by those people with their ways. They need to go back to where they came from!!!

Worse than grading and scheduling???

2006-03-23T19:18:00.000-08:00

I hate grading. It's fucking lame. I recently came upon the realization though that I hate scheduling even more. However, now I know something that I hate even more than grading and scheduling. It's updating student folders. Figuring out their credits and GPA. The shit drives me fucking crazy. Luckily I found a gpa calculator that will also do cumulative gpa. God bless the internet because doing that shit by hand was driving me crazy. Plus if I don't add that shit up right then I can fuck up a student's chances for graduating and all that. No fucking pressure there.

I realized though part of why I hate it so much. It shouldn't be my fucking job. I shouldn't be doing folders and I shouldn't be doing scheduling. I knew what I was signing up for, but oftentimes I feel like it's too much. This shit isn't in the teacher description. This is the job of a counselor. SHIT SHIT SHIT!!! I'm a CTM. Counselor, teacher and mentor. FUCK! I have this strange desire to hate the letter C now. But I can't cause it's for cookie.

Classroom Dynamics

2006-03-18T11:18:00.000-08:00

It's really funny how different personalities change classroom dynamics. I'm right now teaching 2 sections of World Cultures 1 and in both I did a simulation exercise where students were trapped on a desert island and had to create a community set of rules.

The first class was very calm and people raised their hands and were very communal oriented. There are a couple of outspoken conscious black girls that were taking the lead in the class and helping figure out things. Things went well and they accomplished everything they were supposed to by the end of the class time.

The second class was hilarious. It was the Lord of the Flies. A student took the lead and proclaimed herself the captain. She was telling people what they were going to do and gave "permission" to people to do things. Then another student wanted to break away and make a boat and legalize drugs. Then another student wanted to know about sex and how that would be handled. It was hilarious. At one point a student said something and I just lost my shit and started laughing. It was totally hilarious. By sitting back and watching I learned a lot about student personalities.

The things classes had in common were also interesting. Both classes said cutting off limbs would be a form of punishment. It was kind of gruesome.They also both divided labor along gender lines. That was a trip. But I guess it's all part of the colonized mindset. But other than the classroom dynamics were totally different.

Interestingly, one student that is on the fast track to dropping out really got sparked by this simulation. The guy was debating and was the person taking the lead on arguing for people to make a boat. It was cool cause most of the time he is just sitting there spaced out and not doing anything. It gave me some fucking hope for him. He's got it rough, cause he's got a learning disability and is pretty immature. Then on top of that he is lazy. My coworker said it best, "he starts off slow and then tapers off!"

1 fucking year!

2006-03-15T23:09:00.000-08:00

So yesterday was one fucking year. I'm no longer fresh meat. I'm a sophomore. Looking back at where I was a year ago...fucking shit. I've more or less got my style down. Now it's just about filling it with content. I'm the less well known function following form. I've got classroom persona Dave. Hello children! (now Isaac Hayes gets indignant???)

But I started off all my classes with students doing a journal write describing a time when they planned out an activity. Then I gave points to students that shared. From that I emphasized and drew from them about what it takes to plan out an event. Through that I explained metacognition. My 3rd period had a great example with a student recalling a time when he snuck a whole bunch of people into the ice rink and movies. It was a perfect example of metacognition though not of legality. But it really made the kids get it. I find that teaching this works better putting it in context. And that is my goal. I must put things into context for kids. This is how they learn best. Give them something they can relate to in their everyday lives. They need to draw the connections themselves. This is the beauty and the bane of the pedagogy. You can only point the way and sometimes it don't even matter if you do that. Then I told students the day that we were going to have a test and had them make a metacognitive plan to remember the information. Finally, I had them write exit cards telling me what metacognition meant, what the 3 basic elements were, and a question or two from each of the elements. I didn't expect anyone to get all of them, but I wanted them force them to recall something. This worked waaaay better than the first time I taught this.

CTM is crazy. I got 19 kids to watch over now. A lot of personalities to handle. Every single one of them with their own idiosyncrasies and baggage.

Worse than grades???

2006-03-13T20:19:00.000-08:00

I've figured out something in teaching that I hate worse than grades. It's scheduling. At my school we don't have an administration staff that schedules students into classes. It's all on the teacher. So I have to get all the students credits up to date and schedule them for classes. It's a paperwork mess. Then to go through all that shit and have a kid get mad with me cause they don't like the classes they have... it totally sucks shit. We've also had to create independent study programs for students out of the blue. Apparently the state said that we didn't have enough instructional minutes. Independent study gives us some relief from the instructional minutes. But it's just more to plan for. The past two weeks we've had meetings almost everyday. Reefuckingdickulous. I'm on meeting overload. The level of organization and coordination is practically nonexistent. So I can't focus on my main task of teaching because I have to deal with the other tasks of administration. I hate to say it but the staff isn't getting the support from the office in terms of administration. Discipline isn't a problem and that is what holds the school together. The tone is also set by the office. But beyond discipline and tone, the office isn't doing it's job. Don't get me wrong. I love the people that I work with. I think they are a great bunch of people, but I don't think I'm getting the office is fulfilling all of its duties.

Now we've started a new quarter. And tomorrow is officially a year at my school. FUCK YEAH! What a killer crazy first year! But what a learning experience. Darwin said, "It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change." I'm adapting the best that I can and feel like I'm starting to float. In the beginning I was sinking. Then I started to bob. Now I feel like I'm floating. Hopefully soon I'll be able to tread water. I'm not even at the point of thinking about swimming yet.

Doing too much

2006-03-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

When I get on my students to do things they don't want to do one of the things they like to say is that I'm doing too much. I've taken to heading them off by saying, "I'm told that I do too much." Then I tell them what to do. This usually elicits a smile from them and then they drag their feet and do it. Or I say, "you're not doing enough."

But lately I'm agreeing with them. I feel like I'm doing too much. I let students make up work at the end of the quarter and this ends up with me having to do a ton of work. All last week we had finals schedules and then we did meetings. Meetings to figure out our new independent study schedule. Meetings to shuffle students for scheduling. Time to call parents to set up meetings for this coming week. Figuring out scheduling for all my CTM. There has to be a fucking computer program for this shit. Jeremy and I are making this our summer project.

Start of a new quarter. I'm teaching 2 classes of World Cultures I and one class of World Cultures II. I was supposed to have a prep period but the English guy was cut from staff. He wasn't able to control the students and was constantly getting dissed. I'm happy cause that guy would piss me off all the time. Whenever we'd go out for drinks I'd see how he really was. Alcohol can show the true self sometimes. But the way that he looked down on kids it's no wonder they didn't like him.

Another fucking break in

2006-02-21T11:35:00.000-08:00

So... school got broken into again this weekend. That makes 4 times in less than a year that we've been broken into. This time the crooks broke windows to get into classes. There's glass everywhere and we are waiting for the police to come and do prints. This must be a different person this time though, since windows were broken instead of doors just being opened. They stole the new computers we got. Luckily, I put my computer in the locked down computer lab.

Reflection

2006-02-20T23:30:00.000-08:00

The week after this is finals week. Then we start a new quarter. Hopefully I can do a better job next quarter than I did this quarter. I recognize that this is my first year but I really feel sorry for the kids that had to have me this year. I know that I didn't really do well for them. It is good that I've created positive relations with students but they also need the history. It was good that I got some curriculum to use too. Now I can mix the curriculum and the textbook along with outside readings. Though I'm not a big fan of the textbook it does have the facts and information that they need. I noticed that my quality of teaching is directly related to how much schooling I'm doing. Meaning that I was a better teacher when I wasn't in my credentialling classes. I had more time to devote to teaching, grading, and all the other crap.

Things haven't been so great for me lately. My work life, personal life, and academic life have all been suffering because I am overworked, overstressed, and burning out. Stress makes everything worse and feel more intense. So now I'm not doing well in 3 things and don't have the time or energy to make one of them better. Like Bilbo Baggins would say, "Why, I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean: like butter that has been scraped over too much bread." If it wasn't for AL I'd be a total wreck.

The Praxis of Pedagogy

2006-02-16T21:58:00.000-08:00

Motherfucker!!!! When it rains, it motherfucking pours. There is just so much fucking gang tension. Two of my CTM got kicked out for fighting with each other. School got broke into again. I got more family drama/pathos. No Child Left behind and teacher credentialling is crawling up my ass. I'm just blown away. I just wanted to teach some kids, and this is waaaay more than I signed up for.

This too shall pass.

But in the fucking meanwhile, God damn motherfucking cunt sucking shit it can beat you down. I'm 30 and fucking struggling dealing with all the shit life throws at you.. And I know myself pretty well and am a lot more mature. I can only imagine living through some of the stories that I heard about some kids. One thing that rocked my world to hear about the story of one of my kid's mother. Mom was a drug addict. At some point got slipped some other drugs by people. Continuously raped and tied to train tracks. Showed grandma where the rope had dug into her body. They won't tell the kid cause it would be too traumatic to know. What the fuck is that shit? That is some ridiculous shit to hear. If some lady didn't happen to be walking by... Kid doesn't know, but lives around secrets. Dad is dead and the kid doesn't know why either. More secrets. Ugly secrets. As you can imagine, the kid is a bit fucked in the head and is prone to lying. Live around secrets...

It's so easy to write off a kid that acts like a shit. But you dig a little deeper and you can see their suffering. Some kids you can form a bond or attachment to, some kids you can't. One knucklehead I got came up to me and said that it was important to him that I was a male. That he grew up without a father figure and I was essentially fulfilling part of that role. Makes it hard you be too angry with the kid. Sad really. His brother just got shot and killed recently. Too much suffering.

Praxis of pedagogy

2006-02-11T19:20:00.000-08:00

I really bummed about not getting to blog more. But I'm just doing too much as my kids would say. Fucking working like a Chinaman. On Tuesday I admnistered the CAHSEE. That is the California High School Exit Exam. Every kid has to pass it to graduate. There is an essay portion of the test. I read the question. It was the stupidest, most obtuse, ridiculous, preposterous question. Kids were baffled. It was bullshit. The people that makes these tests are fucktards. High stakes standardized testing is such bullshit. Creating more pressure on a student won't make them do better. But that took all day to administer and then I had class from 4-7. The week was just a blur. Trying to teach kids how to come up with a thesis and give them time to read up on their final projects. I also had to deal with crazy CTM shit. Calling around looking for a "lost" CTM. The girl ran away to her girlfriend's house. Turned off her cell phone. Told grandma she was getting on a bus and never came home. Stupid fucked up shit. I'm calling all around getting ahold of kids to see if they know where she was. We get everyone together the next day and all the "reasons" that my CTM ran away seemed to quickly lose their basis. I totally felt stupid in front of the grandma. I never fully realized it until just now. But that CTM is full of shit. Nice girl. I get along with her. But she's full of shit. Her and her buddy. Both are in my CTM. Both... full of shit. This is actually a good thing for me to realize about them. It will make my interactions with them more productive. Anyways, all this shit was done afterschool. I was calling around at 7PM till 8PM. I had a burrito I wanted to eat that in peace. It's the part of the job that is the best/worst at the school. Good close interpersonal relations. But more than just a job.

I'm getting observed next week. It's good but it makes me stressed also.

Ok here's the part that never gets talked about. Farting. Sometimes you just got gas and holding it in will give you a stomachache. In a lot of other jobs you can just get up and go to the bathroom or something. Not so with teaching. You got a whole lot of kids. It's ridiculous. I walk to corners of rooms or pretend to look for something in my closet. But you can't just cut one when you're giving instruction. It doesn't work like that. This one teacher I know would fart around kids that pissed him off and then walked away. Chemical/biological passive aggressive warfare. Fucking hilarious. I was dying when I heard it.

I don't like using the bathroom facilities at my school. No lock on the inside. You gotta yell out and hope the other side can hear you. Makes me feel too vulnerable. It would be the ultimate in embarrassing. Would have trouble making eye contact with that person for a while and we got a small staff. So be cool through school.

The Praxis of Pedagogy

2006-02-07T01:25:00.000-08:00

So I've been up writing lesson plans for this Tuesday 9 unit class. It's going to be a long day tomorrow. Anyways, today I decided to dock points of students that didn't have their own SSR book. Next quarter, I will make it mandatory to have one book that students read continuously and if they don't bring it then they lose points on their contracts. I didn't really do a good job of enforcing that and I should have. That aspect of SSR needs some serious honing. In my 1st & 3rd period class, I had students take out the calendars that I made for them and write that they were to bring their final project stuff on Thursday and Friday. Then I wrote that on my homework white board. I've learned that the fewer excuses they can give me for not having their shit, the easier it is to discipline them for their unpreparedness.

In 1st, I taught them SQ3R study techniques and I have to say that I'm getting better at explaining that to students. I've been learning where they will most likely mess up and been addressing that beforehand. It's still a hard technique for students to really get though. At the end of class, I did evaluations of my teaching as required by my credentialling program. Teacher evaluations are really great to do but still intimidating. But shit, I grade them... I was pretty happy though cause students said some pretty cool things. Most really seemed to like metacognition. Students wrote about applying it to other aspects in their life. That really made me happy to read. Another nice one that a student said was that they loved to come to my class cause it is always so calm. That's what I've been trying to achieve so I was really happy to read that. Mood is really important to me. I believe that creating a non-threatening and peaceful environment is essential to learning, especially with the population that I'm working with. The kids I work with deal with so much shit they don't need to get it from me.

In 2nd period, we had a discussion on some questions about "Things Fall Apart." I was pretty happy cause students were really chiming in. I mean they were raising their hands and yelling out the answers they were so into it. The boys also seem to like to break down Okonkwo and talk about how he is a fucked up guy. I even had my "problem" student participating. He was just yelling out, but I was just so happy that he was participating that I let it slide. And when he said something good I immediately rewarded him with academic points and I gave him a 10 on his contract at the end of class. My friend said it best about the kid. He starts off slow and then tapers off. Anyways, I was stoked that the kid exhibited a pulse. Usually he's trying to pass out or not do anything in class. The kid has really low skills but I also think he's high a lot. I know he smokes weed. I just wonder if he's coming to class high.

In 3rd period, we did the terrorism lesson where the students came up with their own definition then a group definition of terrorism. Then i gave them real life situations where the names of the countries and individuals had been changed. They were to apply their definitions of terrorism to the situation and decide who were the terrorists and what activities were terrorist. This is a cool exercise but I'm not organizing it right and I need the entire class period. We were too pressed for time as I read each situation and gave the actual example. i think next time I'll give out all the situations to the groups. That way I won't have to read the situation quickly and tell who the actual countries are.

The Praxis of Pedagogy

2006-02-05T13:13:00.000-08:00

God damn what a fucking week. The beginning of the week was all taken up by getting together the grades for the school. Jeremy and I bust our humps creating progress reports for the whole school using easy grade pro. It was a draining fucking effort but the result was pretty good. It's not perfect but we've been instituting an entirely new grading system for the entire school. Shit... we are the fucking IT department. So I'm pretty happy having gotten that out of the way. But I was supposed to turn in a week of detailed ( I mean practically scripted verbatim) lesson plans on Tuesday to my teacher. I didn't turn it in and she busted my balls about it. I just didn't have the fricking time in the week though. It wasn't a lack of desire it was a lack of hours. I realized it this week but I've been putting in 15-16 hour days for a while now. Now I bust on my kids when they don't turn in their work, but for the vast majority of it all they do is school. A lot of them don't have jobs, so their only job is school. I got a FULL time job teaching and going to school.

On Wednesday we had a board meeting from 4-7PM and luckily my principal and our 30 year veteran teacher had my back when talking to my advising teacher. They told her about how I was busting my balls working. That made me feel better and gave me a brief reprieve, but I still had to turn in my work ASAP. This coming week is going to be another killer. I got the detailed lesson plans, Tuesday and Wednesday classes from 4-7, and doing all the shit that I need to not look like a complete fool in front of my students. They've turned in a bunch of stuff to me that still hasn't been graded yet. Grading is totally out the door for me to the detriment of my students.

In other news, I've been working with this cool girl Nora to try and get vegetarian food up in our school. We talked and she told me the first thing that we need to do is see if there is a demand and if people will buy it. So I had students fill out a questionnaire and I got back one of the funniest responses. The question was, "Do you know some reasons why people choose to go vegetarian?" A student answered, "I don't know. But I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to just eat salad." I was fucking rolling. What a funny and honest answer. I may disagree with it, but I can respect it.

What a week. I'm fucking tired. I had my saturday class and I said that I was going to party. AL and I went to this club to go dance cause i had to get it out of my system. Now it's superbowl time. I want Seattle to win cause they are west coast, but Troy Polamalu is my favorite football player. But whoever wins, I just hope it's good.

The Praxis of Pedagogy

2006-01-30T21:30:00.000-08:00

Motherfucker! Seems all I do is school shit. I feel like labor before it got organized and wrestled weekends from the capitalists. On Saturday, I was in a linguistics class from 8:30 AM to 4:30PM. And it wasn't exciting linguistics. It was past participle. Present perfect. Direct object. Grammar. We pretty much spent much of the day discussing grammar. It was painful. Incredibly slow and painful. Time flies when you are having fun. Time creeps along when you are in pain. If I didn't have solitaire on my phone I don't know what I would have done. I will be the solitaire champion of the world after this class. Apparently when the whole language school of thought came in, grammar went out. My teacher said few that went through school starting in the 80s got grammar. So that would be me. I can tell you a noun, adjective, verb. But after that, I can't really get into details. There were mostly older people in my class and a few of them really seemed to be having a ball.

So then I get home and pass out at 8 PM and miss my friend's birthday. That is the 2nd friend's birthday that I've missed cause I just passed the fuck out. I'm always up late on the weekdays and come the weekend I'm fucking out! But you know what...I'm having more fun doing this than I ever did selling pins. And pins was less work with more money. But that shit drove me crazy. Too much bad karma in that for me.

Anyways on Sunday, my buddy Jeremy and I worked on getting Easy Grade Pro up and running to make progress reports. They are way past due by the way. But people weren't getting us grades and we were both swamped with shit. So I talked to the principal and got today a minimum day to do grades. We're still not finished and have to input some Wednesday grades. I have class from 4-7 tomorrow so I can't really input more grades afterschool.

I started off all the classes with SSR as always. Still bothers me that students forget to bring books on Monday. Next quarter I will have to take points off on contracts when students don't have their SSR books. So in 1st period I had a test review game for 1st period. In 2nd period we did our double entry journal and read "Things Fall Apart." The first part of the book really gets into Ibo culture and the kids are finding it kind of boring. They want something to happen. But I think that once the second half of the book starts they will get into it more. The 1st half will really make the 2nd half more interesting because readers will understand the character and background more. In 3rd period, I handed out the reading that I used previously about Islam from the "Cartoon History of the Universe." Then I did a 4 square hold em up exercise. In this exercise, students read a page of the book and then I would ask them a question. They would then write the answer in one square of a piece of paper that had been folded up 4 times. This is to check for reading comprehension. This was actually quite effective cause it allowed me to see that I have one new student with incredibly low skills. I mean the "Cartoon History" is a bit advanced in it's writing, but the pictures sure do help. But this student had very low skills and had I not spoken to her about it after class then I wouldn't have known. This was a very effective lesson for me on gauging student's reading comprehension. Much better than me reading and students just following along. Makes them have to do some work. I haven't even realized it, but the end of this quarter is coming up quick.

The Praxis of Pedagogy

2006-01-27T23:27:00.000-08:00

So a lot of my kids in the 3rd period class were into the movie "Elizabeth" with Cate Blanchett. It's a testament to how good the movie is that my poor urban colored kids are into it. It's cool. I stop the movie and break down the fight between Catholics and Protestants and just explain palace intrigue.

I've assigned 1 week drawing projects in various classes and I realize that I have to give students at least 3 times in class to work on their project or they won't. I still have a lot of students that didn't turn in stuff. Assigning homework doesn't work out so well. I still assign homework every so often but mostly I try to do everything in class. Students just won't turn in their homework. So I have to try to set them up in as many situations that they can succeed but still be challenged. I think that I have to scaffold homework. Work up to it. The only thing that I regularly assign is metacognitive plans of action for passing tests. I count them as test points so I tell them to do it or not get test points. That still doesn't ensure 100% completion but a much higher %.

We got contracts at our school and it's a great thing, but I don't use it enough. I don't write student progress on their contracts enough and that is one of our best intervention strategies. We have to let our CTMs know what is going on with students.

So tomorrow morning I have to get up to get to a 8:30-5 class. AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
There's nothing good about this. The only silver lining will be that it will be done. I am going to be one burned out unhappy guy. I'm already having a problem with time management. I don't know what I'm going to do next.

The Praxis of Pedagogy

2006-01-25T22:41:00.000-08:00

What an interesting day today. I went to a nearby local newspaper with my journalism class and met an incredible character. This guy was a big pimp in Oakland back in his day. Ran 7 white women. Was in the jail for 2nd degree murder. He had a crazy life and story and could chop it up. He definitely had the gift of gab. While I have major ethical and philosophical differences with his once chosen lifestyle, I admire his ability to manipulate people and situations using his speaking ability. Pimps are masters of the mind fuck. I mean they have women running around having sex to feed their lifestyle. That's power. One thing that he told me that tripped me out was that 16th and Market was nicknamed Baby Mart cause there were 9 year old prostitutes working the streets. Trip the fuck out. The environment that my students grow up in is disheartening. Enervating. What a unique character that knows a side of the city that I'll never know. Aka the seedy underbelly. Definitely a fascinating learning experience for me. The kids have so many negative images around them that it's hard to transcend the situation. It's sad to see a kid drive their life into the ground looking for the slightest bit of pleasure to escape their miserable existence.

Praxis of Pedagogy

2006-01-24T21:40:00.000-08:00

I'm tired of keeping days. It's been a fucking long time. When this quarter ends it will be a year. So fuck the time.

Today was just one of those fucked up long stupid days. I had credentialling classes at 4:00 PM. I didn't get to bed till 2:30 the night before cause i was up writing a detailed week of lesson plans for my 4 o clock class. Then when I got up I couldn't do it so I didn't take a shower. That made me feel stinky and grimy the whole day long. So i'm dogging it the whole day. i mean i was having trouble. At least, teaching wasn't that crazy cause we did a journal write and watched Hotel Rwanda in 1st period. 2nd period we had a guest speaker talk and show a video about the US government desecrating more native american land. Students that participate will get extra credit. 3rd period a test and I started to show the movie "Elizabeth" with Cate Blanchett. 4th period I was saved by a fellow credentialling teacher that is getting her feet wet at my school. Then from work I ran to my credentialling class to be told that my classes are every week instead of every 2 weeks. This is a 9 unit class. 9 units! 1 week of detailed lesson plans every week. She pretty much said she wants to see a verbatim script. That's going to be a lot of work on top of another class tomorrow 4-7 and 6 Saturday classes from 8:30-5. Fucking ridiculous. Then I get home and the toilet overflows on me. I got to bleach clean the bathroom floor and
toilet bowl. I was cussing up a fucking storm. Royally pissed off. I'm still a bit wound up from the day.

You know how when you get home from a hard day you have to decompress. Well when you come back and shitty things happen the decompression cycle is delayed. Now I can semi-laugh about it. Though I still got some residual bile in my throat. This too shall pass.

Day 125-126: The Praxis of Pedagogy

2006-01-22T23:40:00.000-08:00

Ok 125 days of blogging I can get off the lesson planning for a while and just talk about what I see and think in general.

There are a lot of hurt kids out there. And they are still little. Their bodies may be physically mature/maturing, but they are mentally and emotionally incredibly immature. Transitioning from elementary to high school was a big jump for me. This has been an incredible experience for me and I'm having fun. Don't get me wrong, there are things that I just hate about teaching, e.g. grading. But overall, I'm having a lot of fun. Working with the kids is great. I don't really have any discipline problems anymore. I can't remember the last time I had to yell at a kid. It's pretty cool. I think I'm required to do far more than I get paid for, but I knew what I was signing up for. The experience and environment is constantly stimulating and challenging. Other than more money, what else could I ask for.

I also feel like I've gained the respect of fellow teachers and students. If there's one thing that I've learned working with kids, it's that you can't get shit from them unless they respect you. That's why one of the new teachers can't get his class on lockdown. They don't respect him. And truthfully, I'm not the biggest fan myself. Gaining the respect of my peers is a nice thing to have too. I just feel like I can be myself around them. My high school teaching experience will be a year at the end of this quarter. The first year is always the hardest. Very intense experience.

Day 123-124: The Praxis of Pedagogy

2006-01-18T22:38:00.000-08:00

Credentialling classes are starting next week. The horror!!! Just when I was starting to feel sane and able to deal with teaching. Then along comes the credentialling process. The process is so ridiculous. No Child Left Behind has been absolutely terrible for education. AL's teacher friend knows this guy that works special ed. The severely handicapped special ed. The kine job where at some point in the day you're going to be wiping a teenager's ass. It's a hard core job. Having worked with the mentally handicapped, it takes serious heart. I didn't have it in me. The job bummed me out frankly. Anyways, this guy can't keep his job cause he can't pass the CSET test. What the fuck does he need to know that's on a standardized test to work with severely handicapped kids??? The process drives good people away. And the fees to pay for the CSET!!!! Ridiculous. But you have to pass the CBEST first. That is the barebones minimum test that allows you to be a sub. There's the fee for that too. Then you have to be in a school. Take out some loans. All to get a low pay job where you're overworked. NCLB has made it where some schools can only hire teachers with certifications. All the impediments to the goal narrow the pool of talent to a few highly dedicated and/or financially comfortable group of people. So we got a lot of white women in teaching. Bless their hearts for being there, but there needs to be more diversity in the pool. Not every kid is able to relate to a middle class white lady. You can read all the books in the world about teaching but it don't mean shit until you get in a classroom full of kids and have to actually orchestrate the kids.

I keep the school counselor very busy. I'm constantly referring people to her. At least 2 kids a week. So many kids need mental health counseling. It's really quite sad. One of the positive things that I have gotten out of teacher ed is the idea of teaching reading as a form of psychotherapy. So I'm really trying to break down the psychology of the character of Okonkwo. He really is a rich character that leads a tragic life. His extreme machismo and inability to truly be intimate with a person is beautifully told. This on the backdrop of European colonialism makes for a very interesting read. I find it very fucked up funny that the "old school" English department at AL's school bashes this book. People have called it incoherent and unreadable. Ok... I'll say it. Cracker ass crackers!!!! There I said it. Wow... I do feel better.

So I helped bring the staff into the 21st century by getting them to use this grading software called Easy Grade Pro. The people that have been using it are all really into it. But there are some on the staff that are so technology-phobic. It's really quite sad. And so since I am the most familiar with the software, I've taken on the job of creating the progress reports using the software. But I can't do my job completely until I have all the names and grades from people. This of course hasn't happened since the techno-phobes haven't got the program up and running.

My school is under heat and is being threatened with shutdown. We are trying to put the ducks in a row so that we can better fight our adversary. Our domain name should be up tomorrow or Friday and hopefully we can have a bare-bones website up by the 1st of the month.

It's big time classist and racist the way public education does the low income urban youth. In my opinion, it is unjust the way my kids are treated by the system. I'm not talking about things parents or kids may have done. Good and bad choices have been made. But if I'm going to do an institutional or structural analysis of the public education system, then I'd say it is totally fucked up and needs some dire help. Yup... my analysis is essentially FUBAR.

I love MLK Day

2006-01-16T00:56:00.000-08:00

Let me start by saying that I will enjoy a paid day off for all of these holidays, but MLK is my favorite federal holiday.

So New Year's Day is cool. I like it, but it really has no meaning. It's a time marker thing. Another year. A NEW year. Whatever. There really is no major difference between December 31 and January 1. We just have big hype over it. Chinese New Year's is coming up. It's a different marker, but just a time marker. It's a reason to party and I'm down with it.

Washington, Memorial, and Independence Day. I know the white founding fathers didn't have my ass in mind when they were having their little revolution. The guys fucked up cause they put it in writing. Then people like King could call them on it. National holidays are crazy cause they just reinforce nationalism. An identity that people have taken to a level where it's almost sacred.
My bro is like that. It's a fanatical trip. Protect the state. Anyways, what am I supposed to think about? George Washington is to America what Abraham was to Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. That we got one on the man cause he put it in writing? What am I supposed to BBQ and where do I watch fireworks?

Labor Day: Throw the workers a bone and then go back to oppressing them. You can still BBQ in Northern California.

Columbus Day and Thanksgiving: Those are entire rants by themselves. Still able to BBQ in October but you might have to wear a fleece. Thanksgiving you bake or deep fry. No more BBQ.

Veteran's Day: Alright. People served in their own way. I just don't happen to like policies people had to carry out. But that's not the veteran's fault. By any means. Holiday for them. How do I celebrate? Dinner out?

Christmas: I've previously written about it. I'm not Christian and I think that goes against the 1st amendment. Cider anyone?

But MLK day. The US government recognizing a man who was down with the struggle. A black man! A man whose writings trashed the US government, and if alive would probably still. Now that's cool. That the US really only focuses on his "I have a Dream" speech is bothersome but makes sense. Don't want to go too deep into what he was about. It's almost like Constantine turning Christian. MLK day means something to me. It's the part America that I'm down with. What are we supposed to do to celebrate it? Are there any stores open? Maybe I should conspicuously consume. I'll probably just end up lesson planning and grading though.

Day 121-122: The Praxis of Pedagogy

2006-01-14T02:10:00.000-08:00

On Thursday 1st period, I had this group called HIFY come in and do an anti-homophobia workshop. I've scheduled them so they come to every class. This was a great presentation that was really well done. The pyramid of oppression they created was great. At the base of the pyramid were how people were treated and oppressed in everyday life, i.e. pejoratives, . The next level was institutional oppression, and the top level was violence and murders etc. Their final idea was that the top was built on the base and if we change the base we can change the top. Great stuff.

At second period we read "Things Fall Apart" and I asked them basic "Are you alive, paying attention, and getting it" questions while they raised thumbs up and thumbs down. Just getting some to participate at all is like pulling teeth. I'm really happy that we studied Erik Erickson's psychosocial development because this really gives me a framework and developmental structure for analyzing the character of Okonkwo. When we got to the last 10 minutes, I told them to work on coloring and making their bookmark look nice. Instead they just packed up and started talking. That totally didn't work out.

3rd period: I let students prepare for their presentation on Friday. My friend that works in the office doesn't have enough help and the place is totally old school.

Friday 1st period & 2nd period: We did a short read along to "Disposable People" and then we played an I-message communication building activity. I had students get into a circle and we briefly reviewed I-messages vs. You-messages. Then, they took a piece of paper that I gave them and made 4 boxes. From there they all wrote a You-message in one box. Then they crumpled it up and tossed it in the center of the circle. Next, students picked a new paper and wrote an I-message version of the You-message. They did this to fill all 3 boxes. When this was done we had a brief discussion about it. With the remaining time, I had an auction and participation points went for 30 tickets on average in 1st period. Surprisingly, in 2nd period the participation points went for much lower. And that's the class that needs more points... but perhaps it's because 1st period has more tickets out and so there's inflation.

Friday 3rd period: We had the historical figure press conference on the ideal form of government. My pair that played Queen Elizabeth were both absent. How coincidental! Students seemed to have fun with it and there was student acting and character knowledge ranged from well studied to "Are you just going to try to look up the answer on the paper after I ask it and I'm supposed to wait for you?" So next week I have to recap it and give the proper information since some students didn't answer the question that I told them I was going to ask all week long. Holy fucking shit I'm an idiot. This would have been a perfect project to do metacognitively. What the fuck was I thinking??? Well then I'm going to have to apply this to everything else.

Day 119-120: The Praxis of Pedagogy

2006-01-12T01:23:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday I started off all the classes with a journal write on if they were happy with the type of person that they were? What type of person did they want to be? And a few other questions along the same line. Lots of people seemed to get into this one. My classes are heavy on self-reflection.

On Tuesday 1st period, we finished up the placards and then I had students present placards and explain what they saw, the symbolic motive that they chose (economic, political, ideological, religious, and exploratory), and why they chose that motive. After that I told them what the picture actually was. Most of the students were dead on with it. I'm really liking the TCI stuff and now I feel like I have a better foundation to work from.

In second period, we read more of "Things Fall Apart." I have to get them more interactive with this. I am having them make a bookmark with me but I have to ask more thumbs up, thumbs down questions. I'm also going to give them time to make their bookmarks better with pictures.

In 3rd period, I gave students time to research their characters. Kids are getting into this. They are researching and getting on the internet and working together. I'm interested in seeing how this press conference goes.

In 1st period Wednesday, we started into the rulebook. Jeremy led that while I went around showing kids their grades. We're going to have the rules test next week and the students have to pass it to pass the class. And they have to pass the class to stay in our school. For the 2nd hour, we had a guy come in and talk about drugs with the students. He's a really good presenter and they are always interested when someone is talking about drugs.

In 2nd period Wednesday, we got final copies from students and started putting together our zine. It's pretty cool cause it's actually coming together. I think once we put out our first one then students will be more excited for the second. When they start to get their first readers they will be more into it.

I was at school Tuesday night till 7 cause we were having a big board meeting. Some folks want to close down my school and we have to position ourselves so that we don't get closed down. There is a lot of planning and shit to do. As I've written before, the school is rather archaic. I just put in the mail a check to get a domain name and hosting for a website. We are going to compile all the information about the school onto this website so that we can start to have a media campaign. Get our name and info out there. My school has been around for more than 30 years but it's the best kept secret in the city. We're going to have to change that.